How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Aggressive Letters. . . . with Love

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Dear Little Crook who broke into my SUV. Again.
Does your Mother know where you were last night? (you little creep) Do you think she would be proud? (that her kid is a piece of dirt) Of course not! What in the hell were you thinking!
You, my little deviant friend, are heading down a very bumpy road. Breaking a Mama’s car window on a nice quiet street in order to steal their Starbucks money from the ashtray may seem like a small crime, but it is a crime. (plus I get way grumpy without my coffee)
To walk out to my car this morning and find my window smashed, the contents of my glove box strewn about and my daughters left over juice boxes thrown on the seats was very unsettling. That car was parked 5 feet from my little SweetGirls window.
Don’t come back or this ModernMom is going to have to open up a can of whoop a$ on you.
Signed
Disappointed with Mankind.

Dear Canada Post,
You are making me look bad.
Went I went to the mailbox today I found THREE returned Christmas cards. Seriously? This can’t be my fault. I think you should check again.
Signed
Why Did I Bother

Dear Department Store Credit Card
Oh yes, you lured me in with your 10% off of purchase if I signed up on the spot. Plus the cash back coupons? How could I resist? I am a woman. I like to, no need to shop. It is in my DNA. I got my first credit card statement today and had time to look through the fine print. My interest rate is 28.9%!! Ha! Ridiculous.
Signed
Canceling her card.

Dear Self
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Signed
Jiggly Legs

    • Comments

    7. Oh no! Sorry your SUV was broken into. Nothing like feeling violated.

      Damn those CC companies. I opened my bill from Christmas and fell on the floor into convulsions….sigh.

    13. Oooh the credit card is the one the really gets me. There’s just no way I would sign up on the spot again! I’m still getting statements for a card I signed on impulse, never used and canceled months ago!!

    14. I’m sorry that sucks! Hopfelly he will be caught. One of our windows in our suv was broken out once but it was an accident. Tammy’s Two Cents’s husband was the culprit. Well, sort of. He was being a nice guy and edging our yard and a rock flew up and broke the window. He told my husband to move the car but my guy decided against it because he thought – what could happen? Lesson learned.