How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

The 5 Stages of Hubby’s Going on Another Flipping “Working” Vacation Envy

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You know how there are 5 stages of grief. Yeah, well apparently there are also 5 stages of Vacation Envy.

More specifically: “He has gone golfing with 7 other dudes to sunny Florida and left me with two kids, the pets, in the middle of a wicked Canadian blizzard and I am jealous as hell Vacation Envy.”

Stage 1: Denial

Oh No He did NOT plan another “working” vacation and leave me behind to fend for myself. If you recall, I have given up on the women’s lib stuff for a bit. I am perfectly prepared to be looked after for a while.

Stage 2: Anger

How in the hell does he think this qualifies as WORK?? 8 days, 7 rounds of golf, 1 Anaheim Ducks Hockey Game, copious amounts of booze…oh yes three hours at the International Golf Show. Is this work?

Stage 3: Bargaining

Fine. You go ahead. Go on your “work” vacay. But first, I need you to come grocery shopping with me, fix the toilet, bring some wood in and stack it near the fireplace, rub my back, pledge your undying love…you get the idea.

Stage 4: Depression

I don’t do enough for me. He’s gone. He’s getting a tan and going to come home lookin all hot, I’m pasty. Bring on the chocolate. No need to shave my legs today.

Stage 5: Acceptance

Might as well make the most of it. Sushi for 1. Girly movies complete with sobbing. I have a king size bed to myself! Rejoice that my bathroom and kitchen counters stay clean? Paint my toes electric blue and no need to share the popcorn.

All this and when he gets home, I can play the “You left me all alone” guilt card for at least a week.

In a marriage more then 13 years old…this is priceless.

    • Comments

    3. I soooo hear you on these stages. My husband used to be on work-cations at least a couple of times each month and still does his fair share of drinking/dining/working that requires him to jet off somewhere. Once I finally make it to the acceptance stage, I really do enjoy the time to myself (though I keep this a tightly guarded secret). Last week I had my fair share of chocolate, girly TV and a beautifully clean kitchen while he was away.

    5. Coming from someone whose husband does a lot of traveling…enjoy the quiet lol. I miss him when he is gone but I love having the bed to myself, the house staying clean and not having to shave my legs till he gets home.

    6. Did you write that for me, sweetie?? Hubby’s leaving next week for 12 days in England, he comes back for a week, then he’s off for 2 weeks in CALIFORNIA, back a few days, off again to San Diego.

      Me, I’m stuck with 3 dogs, a full chicken coop, a huge house to keep clean and warm in this godforsaken siberian piece of crap winter – if it snows, I can’t even clear the mile-long driveway, I’ll get snowed in.

      I want to kill him. Business, shmisnuss. GOOOAAAAH!

      Not at the acceptance stage yet, LOL!

    11. I used to be the one who did that when I used to work for “A Major TARP Funds Recipient”. Two events/incidents that stick out in my mind:

      I was in Palm Springs and called him after I got out of a spa day- He had just shoveled 12 inches of snow out front.

      I was in Vegas and was getting ready for a polo match followed by a lavish dinner- He had just repaired a leak under the sink of our new “very old” house.

      I’ll be the first to admit- it’s not fair. Not fair at all. Now I’m the housebound one soon to be giving birth and covered in puke and poop. I just figure I lived it up while the getting was good.

    15. Work the guilt, Darlin.

      Althought we are not together, Trinity’s father is in Vegas on a “business trip”. He feels uber guilty when he does this… he is always very eager to take her for the night when he gets back. I may just get a weekend all to myself when he gets back!! Woot.

      let the “girlie movies” and sobbing begin 😉