I thought I’d grown accustomed to dealing with my Mama guilt.
From the moment you pee on that stick and the line pops up pink, you start wrestling with fleeting moments of Mama guilt. Oh I should be eating more broccoli. Did I drink red wine last week? I should not have stayed out so late, certainly if I am this tired it can’t be good for this growing child.
After the baby is born you fight with the question of caffeine.
Breast vs Bottle
Are you a bad Mama if you don’t co-sleep? If you do?
When those babes get older the decisions you make for your child are different, but the guilt is still there. Food issues, bedtimes, which friends you let them play with, how much TV they watch. I don’t really have a problem dealing with any of this kind of Mama guilt.
The Mama Guilt I am struggling with…the guilt I am currently suffering from…. being selfish?
Maybe selfish isn’t the right word…or maybe it is. Let me try and explain. We have just returned from an epic “workcation”. Half work, half vacation. A social media event that allowed us to visit one of the most beautiful beaches in the world in Turks and Caicos. We spent the week indulging in sweet treats, basking in the sun, loving each other, playing and laughing.
Then BOOM. Back to big old reality. The cold, school, rules, bedtimes? Kinda. Suddenly I have endless loads of laundry, piles of bills to pay, dishes, cleaning, all sorts of domestic goddess stuff. Then you add in a ridiculous amount of work to catch up on, and it feels…it feels like my girls just top up my stress meter with “need”. Yup. Need. They need me to sign forms, approve homework, arrange drivers lessons, find lost sweaters, drive them freaking everywhere!!! Need. Need. NEED. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m their Mother and normally I just kind of roll with the “need”. It’s part of the gig. But it turns out the house “needs” too. It needs a new coat of paint, needs it’s furnace attended to, it’s leaves raked. It needs that back door looked at and apparently it needs another flipping fence repair. The dog, guess what? He needs a new food because he’s decided he’s allergic to his old one. He needs his nails trimmed and needs to be watched every second because he just had “the big V” and won’t stop licking himself. Men. Seriously, leave it alone already. The Hubby…he must have sensed an explosion, eruption, or melt down coming from this SassyMama because remarkably he hasn’t needed anything.
So back to the selfish? Right now I feel feverish, tired, pulled in a million directions, running on a treadmill getting nowhere, kinda of stabby. Yup. Stabby. How can I take care of everyone else’s needs when what I need is just five minutes alone and maybe one more daiquiri by the pool …..but that won’t fix a damn thing.
Instead of the drink by the pool (cause our pool is closed and I have a real life to get back to). A decision. I will let the Mama guilt go. Take a deep breath. Do what I can, when I can, and remember no one is perfect. (despite appearances on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) I can’t do it all, at least not all at once. It will get done when it gets done. The needs are the same as always, I just have to get back into the ebb and flow here in the Suburbs and find my rhythm. Oh, and before the next vacation, I shall try to remember to schedule in a little “me” time when I get back…to help combat the stabby.
Mama guilt, you’re not going to get me….this time.
Mama guilt is a real thing and I go through it frequently, as you said, we do the best we can!
Yes, Mama Guilt is a big problem for us all. On one hand, the guilt pushes us to get things done for our family. On the other, it can be exhausting to the point of anxiety. It’s only healthy to take a step back & forget that guilt for awhile. Taking care of yourself equals being a better mama.
Mama always has to face the reality, it’s overwhelming sometimes and at the end we all feel guilty. I always do!
That my dear is the life 🙂 enjoy you only life once 🙂
that should read LIVE once 🙂 so enjoy enjoy now
I disagree; a daiquiri by the pool can make things better. 🙂 Let it go…let it go….
XOXO
Yep… Sounds like you’ve had a good ol’ meltdown! Don’t worry… We’re all familiar with it and somehow we get some sanity and control back. I had one that lasted about 8 months. LOL I don’t know how I was functioning. That’s why my blog went to the wayside.
Anyway, I hope yours is just a couple days or so. Blessings to you and BE SELFISH! 🙂
I think “me” time is a great idea after a vacation. We can’t do it all and that’s okay!
Let it go, let it go……
I’m all too familiar with the guilt it can eat you alive. Deep breath, some wine and chocolate. That’s the key!
No need for the guilt….everything will get done/caught up/fixed! Just breathe deep, take some me time and if all else fails have some chocolate 🙂 Hoping next week is calmer for you.
I always found getting ready for the holiday and the return were super stressful for me. Before going it’s all the washing, ironing and packing etc and when you return there’s a mountain of washing to do, not to mention the cooking’s your problem again. In the end I gave each of my 4 older kids a list and they had to do their own packing. I still did it for the 3 young ones of course but that bit of help did lessen the stress.
It’s not selfish to want just a little me time; it’s necessary. So no need for guilt.
Thank you so much for such an authentic and real post! I’m lost lately in the social media facade where everyone shows their “highlight” reel and how perfect their lives are. Your honestly makes this momma feel so relieved she’s not the only one who struggles some days to keep it all together. Thank you! Xx
Letting go takes weight/guilt off your back! Good for you!
I’m tired just reading about everyone’s needs .. lol You are right let it go! You know soon they’ll all be off and you’ll feel like no one needs you and feel lost. Enjoy them needing you.
I have to say; I think that is pretty normal… As much fun as holidays are – they are EXHAUSTING! Real life piles up 10 fold when you return – I think everyone gets a little overwhelmed and needs a little space!