I thought I’d grown accustomed to dealing with my Mama guilt.
From the moment you pee on that stick and the line pops up pink, you start wrestling with fleeting moments of Mama guilt. Oh I should be eating more broccoli. Did I drink red wine last week? I should not have stayed out so late, certainly if I am this tired it can’t be good for this growing child.
After the baby is born you fight with the question of caffeine.
Breast vs Bottle
Are you a bad Mama if you don’t co-sleep? If you do?
When those babes get older the decisions you make for your child are different, but the guilt is still there. Food issues, bedtimes, which friends you let them play with, how much TV they watch. I don’t really have a problem dealing with any of this kind of Mama guilt.
The Mama Guilt I am struggling with…the guilt I am currently suffering from…. being selfish?
Maybe selfish isn’t the right word…or maybe it is. Let me try and explain. We have just returned from an epic “workcation”. Half work, half vacation. A social media event that allowed us to visit one of the most beautiful beaches in the world in Turks and Caicos. We spent the week indulging in sweet treats, basking in the sun, loving each other, playing and laughing.
Then BOOM. Back to big old reality. The cold, school, rules, bedtimes? Kinda. Suddenly I have endless loads of laundry, piles of bills to pay, dishes, cleaning, all sorts of domestic goddess stuff. Then you add in a ridiculous amount of work to catch up on, and it feels…it feels like my girls just top up my stress meter with “need”. Yup. Need. They need me to sign forms, approve homework, arrange drivers lessons, find lost sweaters, drive them freaking everywhere!!! Need. Need. NEED. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m their Mother and normally I just kind of roll with the “need”. It’s part of the gig. But it turns out the house “needs” too. It needs a new coat of paint, needs it’s furnace attended to, it’s leaves raked. It needs that back door looked at and apparently it needs another flipping fence repair. The dog, guess what? He needs a new food because he’s decided he’s allergic to his old one. He needs his nails trimmed and needs to be watched every second because he just had “the big V” and won’t stop licking himself. Men. Seriously, leave it alone already. The Hubby…he must have sensed an explosion, eruption, or melt down coming from this SassyMama because remarkably he hasn’t needed anything.
So back to the selfish? Right now I feel feverish, tired, pulled in a million directions, running on a treadmill getting nowhere, kinda of stabby. Yup. Stabby. How can I take care of everyone else’s needs when what I need is just five minutes alone and maybe one more daiquiri by the pool …..but that won’t fix a damn thing.
Instead of the drink by the pool (cause our pool is closed and I have a real life to get back to). A decision. I will let the Mama guilt go. Take a deep breath. Do what I can, when I can, and remember no one is perfect. (despite appearances on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) I can’t do it all, at least not all at once. It will get done when it gets done. The needs are the same as always, I just have to get back into the ebb and flow here in the Suburbs and find my rhythm. Oh, and before the next vacation, I shall try to remember to schedule in a little “me” time when I get back…to help combat the stabby.
Mama guilt, you’re not going to get me….this time.
My youngest is good at the guilt trips for me. Our dog is allergic to foods too snow we pay 100 a month on dog food for her, she eats better then we do.
Actually, I didin’t realize how selfish I was until I came to Canada. I appreciated how much my parents went through to raise us without complaining that we were a drain to their resources. It’s normal to not have it together as such a person either has little responsibility or has a team to keep things that way. Even when you’ve dealt with one task, there’s always another to get done, so, it’s fine to let things wait now and then for our sanity’s sake.
hey I hear ya! just take a deep breath and remember all the amazing moments that comes with being a mom 🙂 go super mom!