If your bladder is full and you have had 2 huge babies. You had better brace for that sneeze. Cross those legs sweetie.
By the way…..watch out for trampolines too.
Never trust a man who leads with …. “Trust me”.
Eyebrow waxing…actually any kind of waxing should be left to the experts!
A child will always get the stomach flu in the middle of the night.
Ear infections, they happen on Fridays, right after the Doctors office close, or during the holidays.
That air conditioner you are trying to hang onto for just one more summer will die in the middle of the biggest heat wave of the summer. (along with everyone else’s so it will take at least three weeks to fix)
Ummm Kids don’t know that you must knock on a closed bedroom door. Don’t scar your kids for life, invest in a locking doorknob.
Girlfriends will gossip. It is the nature of the beast. Sadly, there are few people in world that you can truly trust. When you find them, hang on tight.
Just because you are a D.I.N.K. (double income no kids) that does not mean you should buy a vacuum from a door to door sales guy. This does not make you super responsible and wicked smart planning for your future, it just makes you well a gullible d……ummy. What did you think I was going to say. 
Zits happen. Never EVER squeeze them with your fako acrylic or gel nails. Trust me fake nails + pimple squeezing = disaster.
You know how that sales girl keeps telling you you don’t look fat in those pants? Yeah. She’s on commission baby.
When you drive a huge SUV with retractable side view mirrors USE them when you park that baby in the garage. The manufacturer does not put the option on the car cause it’s pretty, they put it on there so when you back out of the garage, your mirrors stay attached to the vehicle! 
Here’s hoping by sharing my wee bits of misery you won’t have to learn these things the hard way!
LOL!!! You are the funniest..I could realate to the whole damn list….. HUGS!!!!
Hilarious thoughts for the day, can totally relate!!
Incredibly true. Im afraid to sneeze or cough in public!
Might I add: a child will always get the stomach flu in the middle of the night and they will NEVER make it to the bathroom.
I’m not a mom to skinkids but that is some very good advice anyways! LOL
I want that hoover. Seriously.
These are the things that mom to mom can relate. I can hear my single sister right now should I send her this list, “what the hell is this woman talking about??”
I hate the flu on the weekends. ER’s are so much more expensive than a Dr.
Very funny post – and agreed on Sales Commission woman – I’ve had so many of those moments!
Newest follower from FMIC!
All of them – true!! But you forgot to add – the smoke alarm batteries always die in the middle of the night, which means the damn things starts an incessant beeping until you get up and beat it with a broom stick.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry with you! 😉 And I need some of those retractable mirrors for my Corolla! :-/
I can’t make it through the night without getting up to pee ever since baby #2.
oh totally Sales commission girl!!
I’ve experienced all of the above except for the vacuum. lol
ROFL! You crack me up….again!
Thanks for the tips. I’ve learned a few on my road trip, which I will be sharing soon, but the latest was: never leave anything visible in the car, no matter how value-less you perceive it to be. Theives think cds and books and even a gym bag full of sweaty sports bras and shorts are worth smashing a window to get their hands on.