How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Aggressive Letters. . . . with Love

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Dear Little Crook who broke into my SUV. Again.
Does your Mother know where you were last night? (you little creep) Do you think she would be proud? (that her kid is a piece of dirt) Of course not! What in the hell were you thinking!
You, my little deviant friend, are heading down a very bumpy road. Breaking a Mama’s car window on a nice quiet street in order to steal their Starbucks money from the ashtray may seem like a small crime, but it is a crime. (plus I get way grumpy without my coffee)
To walk out to my car this morning and find my window smashed, the contents of my glove box strewn about and my daughters left over juice boxes thrown on the seats was very unsettling. That car was parked 5 feet from my little SweetGirls window.
Don’t come back or this ModernMom is going to have to open up a can of whoop a$ on you.
Signed
Disappointed with Mankind.

Dear Canada Post,
You are making me look bad.
Went I went to the mailbox today I found THREE returned Christmas cards. Seriously? This can’t be my fault. I think you should check again.
Signed
Why Did I Bother

Dear Department Store Credit Card
Oh yes, you lured me in with your 10% off of purchase if I signed up on the spot. Plus the cash back coupons? How could I resist? I am a woman. I like to, no need to shop. It is in my DNA. I got my first credit card statement today and had time to look through the fine print. My interest rate is 28.9%!! Ha! Ridiculous.
Signed
Canceling her card.

Dear Self
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Signed
Jiggly Legs

    • Comments

    2. Wow coffee money really!! Thats bad thats real bad I can’t start my day without coffee….as for the credit cards yeah I got a Victoria Secret credit card because it was a Semi Annual sale so I was like OMG yeah!! Um NO when I got the statment in the mail its 22% ugh….I’m paying if off with my income tax money how bad is that Never ever ever again.. I guess my husband was right after all he always says “If you don’t have the cash to pay for something then you don’t need it lol..” He’s a funny funny man…Hope you catch who ever is breaking in your car!

      -Stephanie

    3. I probably would of cried if I found my car broke into…especially if my Starbucks money was stolen! At least you are all safe and no one got hurt.

    4. dear energy and exercise(oh, and mental stimulation)
      i hope it is nice for you on your vacation from me.

      dear piles of stuff everywhere
      thank you for keeping me company

      whatev

    6. I hate credit card companies. The only department store I have is Old Navy and I pay that off in full and best buy and I only buy from best buy when I can do the 0 interest for 6 or 18 months. lol

    7. I hate credit card companies. The only department store I have is Old Navy and I pay that off in full and best buy and I only buy from best buy when I can do the 0 interest for 6 or 18 months. lol

    8. I had my car window smashed too a couple of years ago. I was livid to say the least! I even considered installing a security camera to catch the punk…he even keyed my truck!

    10. I love that – Nothing tastes as good as thin feels! Awesome!
      Sorry about the car window – it IS very unsettling -and what’s he thinking messing with coffee money?!
      ***Ally

    11. Everytime a store offers their credit cards my husband replies NO…Credit Cards are the devil! Straight Faced

      Maybe he’s right.

      Sorry ’bout your break-in. That sux.