How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Bringing Out My Inner Blonde

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Our car came with something special.
A built in invisible friend.
This wee friend advises me when my car is low on gas and where the nearest service station is.
She points out the nearest Hospitals and clinics..helping me to embrace my inner hypochondriac. She makes me feel all safe and cozy like.
She answers the phone for me. I just have to press a little button on the dash that says accept or ignore. Doesn’t matter how loud the music is, she turns the music off for a moment to see if I want to take the call.
My little invisible friend even learns my favorite songs on the radio and lets me know when they are playing on another station!!
Quite possibly my favorite thing about the voice that pops out of my speakers is that she knows how to get me places. Ahhh yes, she is the Queen of Directions. How I love and depend on her built in Global Positioning System. Perhaps depend and GPS should not be allowed in the same sentence. This is where I get in to trouble.
If my invisible friend tells me I must go straight, even if my brain is screaming “TURN, TURN Right you idiot” I defer to the GPS. My invisible friend couldn’t be WRONG!
If my invisible friend tells me to take Lake Shore in 300 metres but I really think I should continue on to Lake View, who do I listen to? Well the sweet calm voice of my invisible friend of course. She has steered me the long way around a few times but I always get to my destination.

Until…
I asked my little friend how to find a remote cottage for my girls weekend.
I programed in the address and she answered “Route Complete“.
No problem baby, thanks to technology I can do anything. Time to kick back and enjoy the drive.
1 1/2 hours into my drive my dear sweet invisible friend announced.
“You have entered an unmapped area. Please refer to your road map for the completion of your journey”
WHAT??
I am in Bumble %#&*
I do not have a map. I have you!
“Drive Safely. Goodbye” She said.
Oh no, don’t leave me! Re-compute. Re-calculate! Come Back!!
“I’m sorry. This area is not currently mapped. Please refer to your map”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Now what. Okay. Cell Phone.
doot do do do doo do doot
No Service.
CRAP on a STICK!
Great, now I have to try and use this pretty little head of mind. Ha.

I was a mere 5 minutes from my girlfriends cottage and yet had to ask three different groups of people for directions before I finally arrived, red faced, at my destination.

It is official. GPS is making me stupid.

    • Comments

    4. Well, at least you got there in the end. Don’t fret if you had to ask three different times for directions! Lots of people have to do that! I mean, some of the directions you get may be wrong!!!

    5. My cell and GPS also went out down in ohio’s valley to drop off my kid to band camp. The band director picked it on purpose because the kids would not be able to call back home or text while they were there!!

    9. I have never used GPS because my car is old and crappy!

      However my cousin did and said the voice gets a bit stroppy if you dont follow the directions!

      Where were you driving? No signal for the phone????

      Eek!

      Pleased you eventually got there though.

      RMxx

    14. “Drive safely, goodbye”?! Crap, is that what they really do? I’m still in the dark ages of no GPS. I recently asked my husband if they still taught map-reading skills to kids in school these days…I hope they do!

      I’m sure it wasn’t fun while it was happening, but you sure cracked me up with your storytelling.