How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

More Passive Aggressive Letters….with Love

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Dear Grocery Clerk
So you have switched to “bring your own bags” at this great grocery giant. I love the environment. I have no problem with that. I bought my reusable bags a long long time ago. Even got one of those nifty bins for hauling groceries. But here is a tip. Just because those industrial strength bags and bins can hold 50lbs of groceries each…DOESN’T MEAN I CAN LIFT THEM!!

Dear Gas Station Attendant
If when you pump my gas for me, which I do appreciate even though I have paid a premium so I don’t stink like gasoline for the remainder of the day, and you then spill that liquid gold down the side of my brand new car….please take one moment and wipe it off. Stinky smelly stain. UG

Dear Fellow Parent
I’m glad you enjoyed the field trip today. It is nice when we can take the kids out to see the experts in action. Could you please remember that THEY are the experts. To tell you the truth, nobody really wanted to hear your account of the caterpillars that fell on your head in South Carolina, when you think that tree will grow a new set of leaves, or why you think the dams in this area are superior to the ones further north. YOU are not the expert. Thanks Cliff Clavin but move along.

Dear Hostess
I’m sorry to hear you have had a busy night. We did make a reservation for dinner 3 weeks ago for 6pm for 4. Yes that is my name right there. I understand you could be a little behind 15 minutes, maybe 20? Half an hour is too much. In the words of the great Jerry Seinfeld: You can take the reservation, clearly your problem is KEEPING the reservation.

Dear Pool Guy
(yes again with the pool guy)
Please. Put your shirt on.

    • Comments

    1. Funny that you mention the grocery bags! I constantly have trouble with that. I bought those reusable grocery bags a while back, and it seems like it’s some kind of contest, to see how much they can fit in one bag!!! Ridiculous! Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

    3. I so want to send the letter to my grocery store. I recently arrived how to find all my cold items in one bag. I mean 2 callons of milk, half gallon of juice, lunchmeat, cheese, and frozen chicken. The bag was so heavy. I had to complain.

    5. Ha!! This is why I don’t try and save the environment, don’t eat at fancy restaurants, don’t have a pool, and pump my own gas 🙂

    7. Haha! Seriously, can you publish this for the world to see? So funny. And so true. I too care about the environment but I’m seriously pissed off that the Superstore makes us pay for plastic bags now. I need these plastic bags for poopy diapers. I now pay 5 cents per bag each time we shop there, which is at least a few times a week. So annoying. Your ‘letters’ rock! 🙂

    8. LOL!!! I’ve often wanted to post similar letters! Like:
      Dear babysitter:
      Thank you for still being in bed when I arrived at 8am to drop off my kids.

    9. I love these. You are a woman after my own heart. I am a massive fan of the passive aggressive letter.

      Great work!

    11. Hi ModernMom!

      Many thanks for the award! So very generous of you! I’ll pin it up on the sidebar straightaway in the place of honour- choosing 10 new bloggers will take just a fraction of a second longer!!!

      Have a great week!

      Take care,

      xNora & Lola:)

      PS Still can only get to your page via Google – link still broken even though I’ve tried refreshing it… very odd!! Feels like swimming the Atlantic every time!

    12. love these letters they’re pure genius!! I will be thinking of these when something irritates me and i’ll be writing one mentally in my mind! x x

    15. LOL! I can’t believe how heavy groceries are when they shove them all in one bag! I’m afraid those reusable bags are going to rip!!!