How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

10 Reasons I’m Not Losing Weight

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Why is it that every time I turn on my laptop there is some sweet little article ready to lecture me on the reasons I’m failing miserably at losing those last couple of pounds?
It screams…Read me…I have the secret..I know the reasons you can’t lost weight.
The Internet, the magazines even the television is mocking me.

Some of the wise ones ideas go a little like this:
1. You are not getting enough sleep
2. You don’t need to lose any weight, you are at your ideal weight
3. You have reached a plateau
4. You need to exercise more
5. You are eating the wrong things
6. You have not given yourself enough time to lose the weight
7. Your goals are unrealistic
8. You eat too fast
9. Your kitchen should be closed after 8pm
10.You need to squeeze in a workout during your lunch hour

Huh. Can we get real for a minute? I don’t think these grand and glorious oh so general ideas on these neat and tidy “fix it” lists can apply to your average Momma in Suburbia.
Here are my well thought out excuses…er I mean rebuttals:

1. It is true, I don’t get enough sleep, but Hello! Moms never get enough sleep.
2. The theory that I’m not losing any more weight because I don’t need to is well, crap. If I don’t need to lose any weight then what is this wee muffin top hanging over the top of my jeans? It was NOT there a couple of months ago.
3. I have not reached a plateau. This ModernMom does not believe in plateaus…I only had 10 pounds to lose..I’m not stopping at pound number 8.
4. Yes, Okay..everybody needs to exercise more. Who wants to loan me a personal trainer and extend the day to 25 hours.
5. So chocolate is one of the wrong things to eat, but it is a staple in my life and vital to my emotional well being. It stays.
6. I have not given myself enough time to lose “the weight”. I don’t have any more time. Summers in Canada are short. It starts in like a week and will be over in about 90 days.
7. My goals are not unrealistic. I’m not asking to be 19 again or walk the catwalk. I know eating well is not going to reverse the aging process, I just want to look hot in at least one pair of jeans.
8. I’m eating too fast? Yes. Every Mother eats too fast. If you don’t eat fast..you don’t eat.
9. Close my kitchen? Seriously? 8pm is when I start my last load of laundry, make those lunches, fill out field trip forms. My day is not nearly over! Many a night Hubby and I don’t get dinner until way way after 8pm. Are we to skip this meal?
10. I’m sorry, squeeze in a workout during my lunch hour? I don’t have a lunch hour. Sometimes I don’t have a lunch! Sometimes my lunch is what ever the kids didn’t finish on their plates!

So why am I not losing the weight. Well I am, but frankly I could do without all the nagging. Every woman I know is working to be a better version of themselves. The reminders with the size 0 models talking about the benefits of “their” diet being the only one, and the before and after pictures with no touch ups at all..enough already.
Can we have some realism please?
Life is tough, emotional eating happens, weight goes up and down, and beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Jenny Craig Weight Watchers Herbal One Special K Hoddi South Beach and Oprah! Back off.

Time to be healthy and happy with who we are. That IS what we preach to our children!

Cheers to all the women out there.

Now excuse me..there is some chocolate frosting in my fridge calling my name!

    • Comments

    2. I hope you appreciate all the stickiness that is on my keyboard just so I could respond to you and tell you, “You’re the bomb!!!” Now go eat a cupcake.

    4. If I stop eating after 6:30 at night, that keeps the pounds off. I find it nearly impossible to do but I have to go back to that soon. VERY soon.

    7. I understand it is a bylaw of my town that is illegal if I don’t eat chocolate everyday and I’m not risking a jail sentance!!!!

      Fantastic post :0)

    8. Great post, once again! God you’re good.

      Okay so yeah. I guess I’m not going to lose any weight until my kids are way older. Because currently I just do not sleep enough. A few hours of broken sleep a night. That must be why I’m not losing weight, right? Not the fact that I eat chocolate every single day. More than fruit or veggies. I’m addicted. I also do not really exercise, unless you count running after two boys under the age 4 exercise. I think that totally counts, right? 😉 And I guess doing Atkins 1 day, Weight Watchers the 2nd day, Atkins the 3rd day, WW the 4th day is just not going to work… right?

    11. Yikes! Weight and Women – always a hot topic!
      Marbella-I so agree that as I’ve gotten older it’s getting harder to stay thin. I used to be able to eat anything. Now you can see where every bite of that brownie lands.
      Martha-Thanks for the link. I’ll check it out.
      Rachel-Isn’t amazing we can forget to eat!
      Lady Di-I simply must try frosting on a graham cracker!
      Elizabeth-There must be a magic pill coming out soon that will melt away all those pounds n the right places. Why must my boobs always go first. I need those:)
      Margo-Love your neurotic weight loss scale in the kitchen! I’d probably use it to weigh the chocolate before I consumed it.
      That Girl-How did I forget WINE!
      Buzy Bee Suz- I’m starting to think Peer Pressure never ends. I watch my 65 year old Mom worry about how her tummy looks in skirts. Sigh.

    13. Thanks for the visit! You have a great blog here yourself!! I know what you mean about the diet junk…I’m fully ignoring it and emotionally eating like crazy with all our house selling drama! Thanks for the inspiration!

    14. Um, have I been missing in action that long, or do you actually have 89 FOLLOWERS?????????

      What did you do???????

      Holy crap.

      I guess if I blog, they will come??? Screw work. Damn it.

    15. You are too funny. If I would stop reading my people magazines, I would feel better about myself.
      If I would only go to public beaches and pools, I would feel better about myself. Ugghhh. It is hard to be a woman…so many outside influences.
      Peer pressure does not end in middle school!!e