How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Oxymoron’s from a Real Desperate HouseWife

in Everyday on

I’m baking low fat oatmeal muffins and cramming in as many chocolate chips as the batter can hold.

I’m drinking my 8 glasses of water hoping to shed a pound or two….chasing each glass with some super yummy chocolate and minty girl guide cookies.

I spend 20 minutes in the morning covering my face in make-up so I can look more natural.

Told my kids they have spent enough time in front of the TV, but yes they can play on the computer.

Must stop overspending, but the sale at Banana Republic is so so good!

I do pride myself on not being one of those “competitive Mom’s” but man was I ticked off when my kid was passed over for a higher level group in gymnastics for the daughter of the Office Manager of the Gym. mmmm favoritism?

I hate gossip, but loved hearing she’s taking her cheating spouse to the cleaners.

Salad for dinner. Popcorn and coke for 10pm snack.

I truly think recycling is important, but just threw out yet another Tupperware container full of unidentifiable moldy mush with a gag factor of 10.

I am currently wearing my new Spanx while eating previously mentioned not so low fat muffins.

Yep, that’s me, just trying to get through life in the Suburbs.

    • Comments

    1. I feel bad about the recycling too!! I need to organize my kitchen with two trash cans. I for recycling and one for true trash!!

    3. I can totally see why you have so many followers and sure am happy to be one of them – you rock my world, woman!

      Life’s too short to be skinny and miserable.

      *high fives everyone in the room*

    4. Great post… and sounds eerily familiar to… moi! 😉 Banana Republic sales are too great to ever give up… and popcorn for a late night snack is the way to go! 🙂

    9. LOL…I confess I’d never heard of Spanx till a couple weeks ago. I feel like I’ve been fraudulently passing myself off as a suburban mom, not knowing about them. I may have to invest in some…we made apple pies AND chocolate chip cookies in our house today. I’ll need all the help I can get.

    10. Oh, I am so with ya on the moldy tupperware. Did the same thing to sippy cups that were found months after being reported missing. AND did you hear about that woman running around with a younger man?? But I ain’t one to gossip so you didn’t hear it from me… 🙂

    11. OMG what a great post. Hilarious ~ seriously.
      I love the “tupperware” comment. How true is that!

      thanks for the early morning giggle!