How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

5 Things I Didn’t Yell When I Went Shopping This Weekend

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Okay, Okay I get, it.  There are NO more Saturdays until Christmas.  There’s shopping to be done, errands to be run, you all have places to be go. The pressure is ON.  But does this give you permission to be a class A jerk.  (um and that’s the edited version)  Because jerk is not what I was yelling when I was all by my lonesome trying find a parking spot at the mall this weekend.  So just to let you all know that things are not always so sunshiney and bright here in the suburbs, here are 5 things I didn’t yell (well at least that you could hear) when I did some super ridiculous last minute shopping this weekend.

  1. As I sat with my “clicker” on, sitting ever so patiently for the woman I had stalked to her car to pull out of her damn parking spot already, I was listening to a little Michale Buble on the radio.  I was feeling a little zen.  It hadn’t taken me too long at all to track down a spot.  As she backed out a stupid little Camry drove aggressively AROUND me and zipped into the spot I was clearly waiting for!  “ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?”.  I may have yelled inside my giant SUV.  Yes, I was driving a big ass SUV it’s not like that Camry didn’t see me.  What an ass.
  2. Oh teenage girl you did NOT just cut in front of me in line at Starbucks.  How dumb are you?  Never, ever cut the line at a coffee place.  Especially when there’s a line up of suburban Mama’s behind you trying to get ‘er done!
  3. Dear Stranger in the toy store.  “Deodorant is your friend”.  That is all.
  4. Dear Cashier: No I do NOT want to sign up for your stupid in store credit card as I frantically try and check out and make it back in time to grab my youngest from her dance class. And you know what?  I REALLY wish you hadn’t asked the 15 people in front of me in line if they wanted a shiny new credit card today either.  Why why WHY when the line-up to check out is 15 people long must you make the process to get out of your store so much longer by offering an in-store credit card.  Or if you must offer that service, and they say YES, please I beg of you, send them to a different line to fill out their application.
  5. YOUR HUFFING ISN’T HELPING!  Oh heavy sigher in line in front of me.  If you couldn’t figure out there were going to be line-ups at the cash the last Saturday before Christmas you should have done your shopping earlier.  All your sighing, foot tapping, and muttering under your breath is not going to get you to the front of the line any faster.

Now, what do you think would have happened if I’d let my inside thoughts fly out of my mouth the way I had really wanted to??  Merry Christmas indeed!  Wishing you all a very Happy Holiday and if needed…the speediest of last minute shopping!

XOXO

    • Comments

    1. I hate to say it but I don’t really go shopping during the Christmas holidays, but this is because most of my shopping is done by the time everyone else is shopping for their holiday gifts. I shop throughout the year for everything I need so I can get in-store sales and the rest I get online when I find sales on stuff or when the price drops really low.
      So no holiday shopping frustrations!!!!!!

    2. It is that time of year when we learn patience! I love the “Deodorant is your friend”!

    4. This is very fun to read, just like you’re writing out your thoughts and feelings. Very amusing.

    5. the sighing and puffing of people drives me crazy, and yes I wish hygiene was on the top of people’s list before leaving their house. The asking about credit card, they have to do it. I’m sure they would rather not but it’s part of their cash duties. This holiday season I’ve been pretty laid back.