This weekend, I did one of the hardest and most dreaded thing us women are forced to do. I went bathing suit shopping. Shiver.
There really is no way to prepare for such a shopping trip. It’s kind of like stripping off a band-aid, you just have to dig in there and rip it off as fast as you can. You know the experience is going to be unpleasant, but girl, it has to be done.
So I steeled myself for the torture shopping trip, grabbed my credit card and dove in. After perusing the biggest bathing suit store in the mall, I snagged about 12 suits that I figured I had a shot at (playing the odds) and headed to the torture chambers change rooms.
Bathing suit number one. Hideous.
*doors slamming in the background
Bathing suit number two. Hmm, not so bad.
“Miss Miss” I hear being yelled in an aggravatingly loud voice “What do you think of THIS one?”
I try on bathing suit number three. Puke.
“Miss can you do this bathing suit top up for me? Do you think my boobs look good in this one or were they better in the last suit I showed you?”
Wait, what the HECK is going on outside these change room doors? I’m now stifling a giggle. What kind of adult woman asks for help doing up what is essentially a bra and then wants an opinion on her boobs??? From a stranger!
Bathing suit number four. Maybe? A maybe is good!
“Um, What do my boobs look like from behind? Is there any hanging out the back? Do you think this D cup is big enough?”
Gee…she is not shy.
“Hmmm. I just don’t know” Back and forth, back and forth clacking heels up and down the hall. Yes HEELS as she is trying on bathing suits, doing little pirouettes outside my change room door. Begging for other women, sales staff, other shoppers, anyone who will listen to look at her boobs and in general just tell her she is all that and a bag of chips.
Seriously. Gag!
My choices at this point were either to lose it and giggle uncontrollably at her desperate child like behaviour, go out there and give her boobs a big old squeeze and tell her they were just perfect spilling out of that D cup bathing suit, or completely lose my stuff and tell her to SHUT UP!!
Oh I so wish I was that Shut Up Girl. Sadly I am not. For the next 30 minutes I kept trying on suit after suit, listening to the attention seeking girl strut herself, begging onlookers to give her some love. (kind of wishing I had that sort of confidence) Finally I can not take it anymore and…I let out a very decidedly unfeminine giggle…complete with snort. I whisper a hasty and muffled “Excuse Me” Grab my “Maybe Suit” and get the hell out of there!
As I attempt to pay for my teeny piece of cloth, the credit card machine hangs. A sign? I leave the store and go buy a Cinnabon to reward myself for all my hard work. Don’t judge.
Almost half an hour later I return and pay for my “Maybe Suit”. Can’t let that bad boy get away. When you find a maybe suit you hang on to it! As the clerk rings me up what do I hear echoing from the back “Maybe my boobs would look better in the red triangle top”.
SNORT!
Oh sweet attention seeking lady….thanks for making bathing suit shopping just a little less painful.
OMG Well I for one believe anything that is painful to go through should be accompanied by entertainment. So that was a successful trip thanks to the boobs lady & Cinnabon. Cinnabon knows where to set up their shops. And now I want one.
I am very impressed this person was trying on bathing suits in heels! Wow!
Definitely looking for attention, needs a lot of self love!
Oh my, this is why you go shopping with your sister.
I did the same thing this past summer. Grabbed about ten suits & off to the dreaded change rooms. I had my daughter with me for support to help though which was nice, we got a good laugh at some of them. I guess at least you had some “entertainment” while you were trying them on!
Oh lord, that may have been a woman I knew a few years back! She thought her breasts were the end all item and spoke about them while delighting in handling them anywhere in public.
She’s clearly lonely and looking for validation anywhere she can. Maybe next time consider offering a kind word and a smile and then thank your lucky stars you aren’t as sad as she is. We all have bad days, but kindness always wins.
I hope you love your maybe suit. You’re beautiful!
I absolutely HATE bathing suit shopping and have had so many awful experiences where the salesperson tells me how great it fits and I believe them….only to get home or on vacation and realize the fit is wayyyyy too tight!
It’s so hard to go shopping for bathing suits! At the end of the day, you have to be grateful for the health and body that you have!
As women, we are always so hard on ourselves… *sigh* good on you for being brave and getting yourself a new suit, I have to still do this.
never
I don’t have the guts to say be quite so many time I wish I did
I also dislike bathing suit shopping but I recently found one I really like without drama!
I worked in retail. I have many stories similar to the one you described.
Hilarious, poor thing must have either been desperate for attention or very unsure of her body. I’m not the type to tell her to shut up either, I’d have just been amused by it all I believe.