When I started planing to have babies I read every book I could get my hands on. I knew What To Expect When I Was Expecting, all the fancy ways to create organic baby food, that the Toddler Years were going to be sticky, and Pre-School was going to bring its own unique set of challenges. What I didn’t know, didn’t prepare for, could never have expected; were the emotional and physical challenges that come with raising your tween and teen girls.
I remembered life as a girl could be tough. What I don’t know? Life as a girl today; in our social media obsessed, fast passed, pressure packed world is harder than ever before, and it doesn’t come with directions.
Raising Tween and Teen girls in this brand new world has thrown unforeseen and unique challenges at the Mama’s of today. Our girls are over scheduled, stressed, and pressured from every angle.
So how do we get through it? We find the middle ground, living our life on that thin line, balanced between joy and crazy. Raising girls is no small task, raising confident happy, well adjusted members of society is the goal and I think we’re on the right track. Here are my tips and tricks for surviving the Tween and Teen years.
1. Help them find their joy. One of my girls is in love with dance, the other volleyball. We foster the love of those passions, encourage them to participate in those sports. As they continue to excel in their perspective activities they thrive, gain confidence and ultimately joy.
2. Feed them well. Not just their bodies, but their minds and their souls. We encourage all types of learning and provide downtime whenever possible. Rest is just as important as play.
3. Listen with intention. Have you ever had a conversation with a person who’s just not listening? It’s easy to do, especially with two chatterbox girls and I know I’m guilty of tuning out myself. By making a conscience effort to hear my children, I hope that not only feel loved and valued, but know they always can come to me with anything. They are heard.
4. Know that mean girls happen. We all remember the mean girls in elementary and High School. Hopefully we all survived them without too many emotional scars. You get through that crap and figure you’ve left it behind. News flash; you haven’t. Raising girls? You’re going to have to deal with broken hearts, hurt feelings and teen agnst again, and it’s going to hurt just as much. We listen, talk, and coach as much as we can, teaching the coping skills our girls need to help them navigate the all to often bumpy waters of teen life.
5. Provide a safe place to fall. I strive to make sure my girls know they can always come to me with anything, communication is key. Now that we have also entered the “house party” scene, I’ve also added, they can always call at any time for a ride home. I will always pick them and their friends up, and get them home. No questions asked, but discussion always welcome. I want our house to always be that safe place to fall.
6. Friends always welcome. There are 14? pairs of shoes in my front hall right now and it’s so loud in my back yard I can hardly think. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want my children to know their friends are always welcome. I want to know who those friends are and I want them to be comfortable in my home.
7. Set expectations and stick to them. In our house priorities have been set. Family, School, Sports Commitments and then Friends. This is just the way it is. Family gatherings are not missed, their very best work is required in school, team commitments must be met, and never forget your friends . It’s all part of keeping the balance and I hope I have taught them the time management they need to survive this crazy world.
8. Social Media is a privilege, not a right. Even though my full time job is social media, this does not give my girls a full access pass to all things internet. I hold all the cards. Both daughters know I have the passwords to each privileged. That all actions on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc must be respectful and will occasionally be checked. This little rule of mine, it’s just the way it is. It’s for their safety and my peace of mind.
9. Pick your battles. Although I detest the socks and wet towels on the floor, I’m trying to let it go. Bigger picture; what are we fighting for? I will blow my top if they are late for curfew, are disrespectful or lie. (my three big triggers!) Other than that I’m learning right along with them. Which wee battles in the life of a teen are really confrontation worthy? Didn’t clean the cat box. Letting it go. Slam your bedroom door? I might take it off it’s hinges! Want to pierce something? Eek, we could have a battle.
10. Be their best role model. If I want to have happy healthy teens, I have to be healthy and happy myself! I try and emulate and live my very own best life, let them know all things are possible, be respectful, responsible and joyful in my everyday and hope that this leading by example translates. Above all else, I want my girls to be happy, healthy and living joy filled lives.
It is hard. This generation has to deal with social media in ways we never had to when we were younger. Great tips for sure!
My daughter’s and I are very open with each other, some may think too open but I don’t care what they think. I have given them my all and that’s not easy with 4 daughters and 1 son. My pet peeves are lying and being disrespectful, it is just not tolerated and my kids know they can tell me anything, even if it makes my skin crawl. 🙂
All great tips, it’s nice to be your childrens best friend, but you also need to know when to be the parent too, with my girls it was a learning experience through their whole teens and no book is going to tell you how it’s done and each family is different too!!
Thanks for sharing! I am now watching my grandchildren become teens and tweens, Let’s just say, I can support them along with their mother.
awesome tips , i remember the teen years well , thanks for sharing
Mean boys happen to. We have a kid down the street who loves to play with my son, as long as no one else is around as then he is mean to him. I told my son to find new friends. Hurts as a parent.
Some really good insights. I have little daughters right now, and I know I’m going to need more help when they get older. I love that your house is the house where they are. My own family was like that and I hope I can do the same for my children.
My husband and I are heading into the tween and teen years (with girls) and are scared as anything. Thank you for the reminders to take it as it comes and do the best we can.
As a Mom to a teen and a tween – I agree with every one of these (1-10)! And also, we’ve had the discussion that I will pick them (and their friends up) no matter what time or what state. It’s important for them to know they can come to you with anything…and that you will support them.
Some great tips. No teenagers here but I do remember how hard it was to be one.
These are great tips! I have a teenaged son, and these will be very helpful.
My girls are ten and already giving me glimpses of how life will be with them as teens. I have definitely bookmarking your tips!
Excellent points for tween/teen girls and boys. Good job, mom.
Some good tips
Thank you Jennifer.
Teenagers can be very difficult, they are themselves at a difficult stage of their lives, no longer children really but also not an adult. It’s a long hard path (regardless of it’s a girl or a boy) and I agree that choosing your battles is a thing that has to be done. You have given some good insights here and hopefully they will help others to cope with their teenagers. :-). Another thing to remember is that you’re not alone, we have all been through this stage of upbringing and it is by no means easy, so ask for help from others if you need to. 🙂
I adore your comment. Thank you. Mother’s too often forget that we can and should ask for help.. It takes a village!