How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

A Passive Aggressive Letter From The Suburbs; W/ Love of Course

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Oh dear friends, it’s that time again. It’s actually way past time that I let off a little steam and vent a little in my own special way; with a passive aggressive letters from the suburbs.

With love of course!

Dear Sir Walking into the Grocery Store,

Exactly where do you think you are?  In your very own backyard?  Maybe at a baseball field?  You are not.  You are walking two steps in front of me, about three steps behind a sweet grey haired lady and on your way into a very public, very busy grocery store.  This is NOT the place to be hacking up a great big loogie!  You Sir are disgusting!  I tried to figure out why a grown man felt the need to spit giant bits of grossness all over the parking lot a mere ten feet from the entrance to Loblaw’s.  I failed to find a good enough excuse.  If you are sick, stay home.  If you have some kind of lymphatic draining problem, get a hanky.  I come back to this, you Sir are simply  disgusting.

Signed,

Repulsed and gagging in the Suburbs

Dear Family,

I beg of you, take a hint. (or three)

*If I leave a pile of your laundry at the bottom of the stairs.  Pick it up and put it in your room. 

*See that nice clean island in the middle of the kitchen?  Do NOT put your stuff on it.  The kitchen counters are meant to be for food prep and dishes, not a magnet to catch your crap. 

*It’s great that you know dirty dishes belong in the kitchen, you know instead of in your bedrooms, but I beg of you…put those dishes INTO the dishwasher, not ON TOP of the counter beside the dishwasher.  Sigh.  It’s the little things. 

Signed,

Just A Mama Living the Life

    • Comments

    5. I almost died reading: lymphatic draining problem.
      What a piggo.

      I have issues with counter clutter crap. Why do THEY think those counter tops are for them? Clearly they belong to US!

    7. I think the people that think hocking up a big loogy is appropriate in public are also the people I see picking their noses in their cars – You are in something with at least 4 windows.. What are you thinking?!

      Have a good weekend!

    8. I really wonder about some people!
      Also my family could use that same letter. Especially my husband but since I’m going out of town for 3 weeks maybe he will finally get it and put the things in the dishwasher.
      Have a great weekend.

    9. I sing that same tune quite often; the one about putting the dishes in the dishwasher. What is it that keeps a person from pulling down a door, slightly bending, and depositing a plate?

      Was I like that as a kid? I’ve never been a husband, so that one I’ll never figure out.

      Spitting – as an off and on runner, I see it often and I’m used to it. It only grosses me out when I am within 10 feet of “him” and can hear and see the whole process.

    13. I’m with all the way on the hacking and spitting. And spitting in general – what is up with that?!

      And yeah, any horizontal surface in this house is always covered in crap. Apparently, they don’t find clear counters and tables as aesthetically pleasing as I do.

    15. *Gag* As I get older, my mouth has gotten more of a hair trigger on it and I’m likely now to make some kind of a comment to a person indulging in such public grossness. I never know what’s going to come out!

      And yes, I could be writing the same letters to my family….