Oh my friends it has been too long and I have some things to get off my chest! So without further adieu I bring to you Passive Aggressive Letters From The Suburbs, with love of course!
Dear “Lady” Picking Your Nose At Tim Hortons,
You do of course realize that the Kleenex you are holding in your right hand is not a shield of invisibility? Just because you put it over your index finger does not make it or your act of nose picking disappear. Everyone in the entire place can see that you are up to your knuckle in your nostril and trust me when I tell you, we are not impressed. Adding a Kleenex to the nose picking routine is still, well, nose picking. Please take your magic act somewhere else! (Of course on a positive note I was so grossed out by your digging, inspecting and associated glee that I was not able to finish my bagel, so I saved those calories. Thanks I guess!)
Signed,
We Can Still See You!
To the Honey Putting on Eyeliner While Driving,
Are you kidding me? What or who can be so important that you simply must attempt to outline your EYES while driving a car? This is not what the rear view mirrors are for! Would you be doing this if your Daddy was watching you? What if I was a Police Officer cruising along beside you. Plus I hate to tell you this, but you are not doing a very good job. Your left eye is kind of super smudgey. Do society a favour and at least wait until you hit a stop light to try and fix your face. I mean think about it, driving while drawing on your eyes is a pretty good way to end up with a face full of windshield. Probs not the look you’re going for.
Signed,
I Wish I Could Make A Citizens Arrest or At Least Take Your Pic and Send It To Your Mother.
Dear Gas Station Attendant,
My Eyes are UP HERE! What the heLL are you looking at anyway? Those are old lady boobs and you are about 16. Shiver.
Signed,
A Mama Who Fears For Her Daughters
Do you have a moment that made you shake your head, offer unsolicited advice or just tell off a total stranger? Go ahead and write me passive aggressive letter to get it off your chest. It’s much cheaper then therapy!
Okay major confession – sometimes I do that kleenix nose pick thing because I have a terrible fear that something will actually be sticking out of my nose if I don’t. Which seems infinitely worse. No?
Still live me? 😉
More, More, More!
My brothers like to tell a story about my oldest brother who could not lift his eyes from the server’s chest at Hooters. They said he literally couldn’t take his eyes off of them. So your gas station comment made me laugh!
I was somewhere the other day and had a moment like this in my head and for the life of me, can’t remember where… but your gas station attendant reminds me of the creepy cashier with the wandering eye at county ABC store… one eye literally wanders all over and the other, well, it’s not looking me in the eye!
Went to get passport photo of son today. Lady said: we don’t do children. Me: you did my other two 6 months ago. Her: well they always get returned. Me: mine didn’t. Her: well…we can try. Me: no thanks!!
Oh my gosh….you always make me laugh at these!
You don’t have old lady boobs….I won’t believe it. 🙂
Men not paying attention while driving their wifes mini van with their ear buds and pretending they are cool and Mr. Business man. You are driving your wifes mini van with the stickers of your kids and dog and cat on the back window…..you are not cool. Pay attention.
I have seen a disturbing amount (in all seriousness, one woould be a disturbing amount) of grown men picking their noses and consuming the ‘treasures’ while sitting in their cars at lights.
I feel your pain.
Great letters!!! What’s up with these people?
Folks who pull out in front of you, causing you to brake hard, when there is no one else behind you. Would a nanosecond until I pass make that much difference? There, said it. Now to cancel my therapy.
Love it! The car attendant one…been there, been looked at, especially with these breastfeeding boobies. UGH!
I once saw a lady working on two phones, one on her ear and texting with the other like it was the most natural thing in the world to do!
you may remember me writing about the lady doing her hair with both hands at 75 miles an hour in New Jersey…omg…i was sure we were going to die…
Many, many moments! 🙂
Oh I watched a cook at a restaurant(I will not mention the name) go behind the building have a cigarette and pick at his arm then go right back in and start making sandwhiches with his bare hands, there was no sink between grossed me out. I did not eat there. B