How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Um, He’s A Butt Licker?

in Everyday on

After baseball tonight Coach took the entire girls team out for ice cream.  Sweetness.

The parents all gathered around the giant picnic style tables and marvelled at how eight screaming 9 year old girls could be momentarily silenced by the power of ice cream.  

As the babies licked and dribbled their way through their melty cones, I did my best to participate in the halting and strangely awkward conversation between strangers.  Seems if we’re not talking baseball there’s not much to say!  The “rip roaring” conversation about a day spent on the lake was blessedly interrupted with a question.  Little Raquel wanted to know if she could give Coach’s puppy a bit of her ice cream?  “Sure” came the response “This pup loves ice cream”.

Raquel proceeded to lean over and offer the pup a lick.  Straight off her cone!  Then giggled and took a lick herself. “She likes it” Raquel squealed, and gave that dog another taste.  I may have gagged just a little. 

I looked around at the 10 or so other “parental figures”. Everyone was smiling and nodding.  Me?  I was trying not to throw up in my mouth.

One more lick for the dog, and then that little girl finished her cone.  

Inside I was screaming. “No NO NOOO. Ug, germs. Gross. Do you have any idea where that dog has been?  Dogs will eat ANYTHING.  Puppies lick their own butts and eat their own poo and you people are all smiling and grinning thinking this is cute?  This is disgusting.”

Time for me to grab my girls and leave now!  Have to go throw up. Thanks for the ice cream Coach, and the education.  Apparently in the Suburbs dog ass flavoured ice cream is all the rage.

 

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    • Comments

    1. If it makes you feel sorta kinda better, they do say a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s… No? Still not feeling better 😉

    3. you know, a dog’s mouth isn’t any dirtier than a human’s mouth… but then again i wouldn’t share my cone with anyone, two or four legged!

    7. I’m not overly fond of sharing my ice cream with my own children. The ones I grew in my body. Allowing a dog to lick my ice cream? Uh, no.