How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Hot Mama Mutterings

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Things I have muttered to myself today

….because I have convinced myself talking while alone is a sign of intelligence and cause well, if I don’t call myself hot, who will?

Nooooo. How can it be time to get up already? Just one more time with the snooze button.

I’d like to meet the guy who invented the bathroom scale and give him a piece of my mind.

Are you kidding me? Why is it every time I sit down, the toilet paper roll is empty?

$#!^ -Yep-That shower is frigid!

If I could figure out how leg hair grows so fast, transplant it and then sell it to bald guys I would be a millionaire.

Ahhhh A spider. A SPIDER. A SPIDER. Get out of My SHOWER!!

What kind of a freak grows one stray hair out of their neck?

Sigh. Seriously. A closet full of clothes and nothing to wear.

Dog is barking. Hello, dog is barking. Can no one in this house hear the dog??

What the ?? What did I just step in? Warm and gooey and stuck to your sock is never good. Apparently no body did hear that poor dog.

Gag. Gag (K I didn’t mutter that, but I did make that sound)

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
Just a half muffin more.

40 is the new 30. Just wear all monochromatic colours and you CAN pull it off.

Laugh lines are hot.

Just 6 more hours until bedtime.

Just Breath.

This Mama may be muttering, but it’s working for me!

    • Comments

    2. Ha! I’m the freak who grows one stray hair out of her neck. discovered it when i was 20 and it just keeps coming back. so gross.

    3. Ha ha! You are so funny!
      That stinks that the water was cold AND there was a spider in the shower. It stinks even more that no one heard the dog and YOU were the one to step in his poo. That’s my luck too!

      I hope the rest of your day gets better! 🙂

    4. I LOVE the muttering about how hot you are–thanks for the smile on that one alone!

      I once kindly grabbed a hair sticking out of a woman’s turtleneck, saying, “You have a hair on your….” only to find it attached! EWWWW and OHHHH how embarassing!

      Your mutterings would make excellent Friday Fragments-Don’t be afraid to join up this week 🙂

    8. Yay! Someone ELSE has long gray hairs growing out of strange places on their bodies! yes!

      Dude I talk to myself out loud just to silence all the other voices in my head.

      Hey! I am eating cookies for breakfast today! And, 50 is the new 30 BTW, so in that case, you need to be wearing skinny jeans and leg warmers…I wear the leg warmers on my arms, takes attention away from the skinny jeans…

    14. So funny, thank you for making me laugh. Love the leg hair idea! Oh yes I have seen those single long hairs. I remember when Rosie put a bead on hers! Dog poop, OMG and I have never been able to understand the TP roll empty when everyone in the house is an adult!