How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

I Peed On A Stick

in Everyday on

Toooo Much Info.
I know.
Warning. More personal information to follow.
Ready?

Despite the previously blogged about PMS I was two weeks late with natures gift. Hmmm.
So not like me.
I am a clock.

Two weeks gives a girl a lot of time to think.
I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful girls.
We are a disgustingly average happy family of four.
I was just starting to believe that our little brood was complete.
Mom and Dad, 2 girls. Even a dog and a kitten. (RIP Mr.Fishy)


Besides, doesn’t it seem like the world was sometime meant for families of four?
Cars are easier to buy.
Hotels are easier to book.
Rides at the fair work out perfectly.
Restaurants always have room for four.

Then, you are two weeks late!

My girls are 8 and 10!!
We can sit by the pool and watch them swim.
We just have to remind them…OK beg them to have a shower. They do the work themselves and there is no more worries of little brown floaties in the tub!
They wipe their own butts.
More food ends up in their mouths vs the floor.
These girls are a twosome, best friends.
We are about 10 years away from some time for “us”. Little trips without guilt.

I’m not wishing it all away, but wow things sure are easier then when they were little.

But Ohhhh a baby.
A third little person to love.
The joy, the love, the new baby smell.
The miracle of a new life.
The wonder of the firsts!

The sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the weight gain, the stress.
The aching back, the hemorrhoids, the killer gas!


Clearly my head was spinning.

A Woman torn.

So..this morning…I peed on a stick.

NEGATIVE.

I was…disappointed?

Just a little.

I’m 38 (yikes) and you know what is finally clear to me.
It wouldn’t matter if I had 2 kids or 6.
I think there are just some women in this world who never feel done.
Who will always feel that ache when they see a newborn babe, who instinctively turn and grin at the sound of a little ones cry.

Are we done? Will there be more little feet added to this house in the Suburbs? Probably not, and I’m OK with that.
But I have to tell you, if it had gone the other way today, if my Clear Blue Easy had shown me a + sign…….

I would have been jumping for joy.

    • Comments

    1. right, you can say over and over you’re done, but if you have any inkling that there COULD be a baby in there…how do you not fall in love instantly…

      for me anyway.
      which is why, I’m taking all precautions to NOT let that happen, as lovely as it would be to have another baby to love, I am done. LOL

    2. WTH? You are 38? All this time I though bouncy little you was younger than me? Amazing the picture we create in our minds isn’t it? I am so torn on the baby thing. Part of me really wants that pitter patter, part of me really really wants that nudge from inside again. But there are extremely few children from 3 kid families that say they liked it that way, especially the poor middle kid. Plus, I don’t want to go broke every Christmas.

    3. My third and last kid was born at age 42, and I still had that incomplete feeling that you mentioned. I thought I would be stuck feeling like I should have had one more kid.
      I can happily say that the feeling eventually went away.
      You’re still young enough for another, but if it doesn’t happen (planned or unplanned), I think that feeling will go away…definitely when you get closer to menopause. 🙂

    4. We start to adjust to the idea and then yeah, we’re a little disappointed. But, I’m glad you’re happy with your family as it is. 🙂

    5. I’m so done. I tied them up after Hannah five years ago and wonder everyday what it would be like if I hadn’t decided to stop then. How come it’s always so emotional peeing on a stick. When our kids grow up we start to feel like we want another baby but then I take a second and say nah…I’m lucky to have the ones I got:)

    7. Great post. I have a girl and a boy so naturally, people think we’re set. Some days I think I want a third, others (like when everyone is screaming and i want to pull my hair out–my kids are 2 and the baby is 4 months) I think not. I’m 30 so I have some time…but who knows.

      btw- new follower!

    9. I know exactly how you feel! We’ve had a few scares and while I’ve been relieved with teh results part of me has been disappointed. A child wouldn’t be an all together bad thing. 🙂

    15. Can’t believe you waited 2 weeks – the things we do to ourselves mentally. I am so with you on this post – I am CONSTANTLY thinking about another baby and I am pretty sure we are done. I wish I could just turn my brain off and let it rest. All the best…