How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

I Peed On A Stick

in Everyday on

Toooo Much Info.
I know.
Warning. More personal information to follow.
Ready?

Despite the previously blogged about PMS I was two weeks late with natures gift. Hmmm.
So not like me.
I am a clock.

Two weeks gives a girl a lot of time to think.
I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful girls.
We are a disgustingly average happy family of four.
I was just starting to believe that our little brood was complete.
Mom and Dad, 2 girls. Even a dog and a kitten. (RIP Mr.Fishy)


Besides, doesn’t it seem like the world was sometime meant for families of four?
Cars are easier to buy.
Hotels are easier to book.
Rides at the fair work out perfectly.
Restaurants always have room for four.

Then, you are two weeks late!

My girls are 8 and 10!!
We can sit by the pool and watch them swim.
We just have to remind them…OK beg them to have a shower. They do the work themselves and there is no more worries of little brown floaties in the tub!
They wipe their own butts.
More food ends up in their mouths vs the floor.
These girls are a twosome, best friends.
We are about 10 years away from some time for “us”. Little trips without guilt.

I’m not wishing it all away, but wow things sure are easier then when they were little.

But Ohhhh a baby.
A third little person to love.
The joy, the love, the new baby smell.
The miracle of a new life.
The wonder of the firsts!

The sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the weight gain, the stress.
The aching back, the hemorrhoids, the killer gas!


Clearly my head was spinning.

A Woman torn.

So..this morning…I peed on a stick.

NEGATIVE.

I was…disappointed?

Just a little.

I’m 38 (yikes) and you know what is finally clear to me.
It wouldn’t matter if I had 2 kids or 6.
I think there are just some women in this world who never feel done.
Who will always feel that ache when they see a newborn babe, who instinctively turn and grin at the sound of a little ones cry.

Are we done? Will there be more little feet added to this house in the Suburbs? Probably not, and I’m OK with that.
But I have to tell you, if it had gone the other way today, if my Clear Blue Easy had shown me a + sign…….

I would have been jumping for joy.

    • Comments

    3. I’ve been there too. I’d love to try for a girl, but with three kids that includes two with special needs, it just wouldn’t be fair to the kids we already have. We’re spread thin enough already. But oh- to have a girl to dress in some pretty things…

    4. We’ve more or less decided that 2 is good for us, although originally we’d wanted 3… but somehow I feel that I’m not quite done yet. That said, the thought of having to go through the sleepless nights, the potty training, the lugging a million things with us every time we go out doesn’t make the thought of having another baby that enticing. But the baby smell, the cuddly bundle? *sigh!*

    6. Awww, it always gives me warm fuzzies to think of having another little one running around – and my son is only 16 months! LOL! I’m torn about having another one as well, since I had some mild PPD, but hey, like everyone else says, whatever happens, happens. And 38 is YOOOOOUUUUNNNNGGGG!!! 30 Somethings Unite! 😉

    8. Wow! What a day you’ve had! I’m sorry if you are; I’m happy if you are. It is what it is. You have a lovely family of 4. Enjoy that. If it turns to 5, enjoy that. God bless.

    9. I felt the same way when I discovered I was pregnant a few months ago. I was excited and sooooo happy, but at the same time, I was apprehensive and nervous about it b/c my husband had just lost his job. I wasn’t sure it was the right time for us. When I had a miscarriage a month later, I was more devastated than I thought I would be. I wanted that baby more than I knew.

    10. I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. But I have a 2.5 yr old and a 9 month old. So I was relieved to not be! It certainly does make you evaluate things.

    11. I too fell that way sometimes, are we done ?? Well yes im done but not really by choice 🙁 So good luck to you ! and i enjoy reading and following your blog !

    12. Nothing is TMI on a blog! lol
      I am so with you. I am a single mother of 3 kids, and I have been with my boyfriend have been together for about 8 months. I recently had a scare, and when I got the negative, I was surprisingly disappointed. But also massively relieved. So I definitely understand what you were feeling. Anyway, I love your blog, so I wanted to give you an award. Please come to my blog to collect it. 🙂
      http://whatswrongwithmommy.blogspot.com/2009/10/another-award-oh-me-oh-my.html

    13. I believe God has a plan for us all. I believe it all happens for a reason. Don’t let you being 38 stop you cause 38 is the new 28. You’re still a spring chicken!