How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Agressive Letters . . . After a Night at the Movies

in Everyday on

Dear Concession Salesgirl,

I respect that you have a job to do. You job is to up sell. Offer me extra butter, see if I want a bigger pop, perhaps I want a combo? No to all. Hmm. Well, Can I offer you a membership in our rewards program? AHHHH. Dear girl…my movie starts in like 2 minutes and I’ve been informed it is a sold out show, I really don’t want to be in the front row..can I please just have the popcorn and slushie and move along!!!

Signed

Girl in a Hurry

Dear Cinepex Odeon,

Your ticket prices have skyrocketed, your theatres are too cold, your popcorn prices are ridiculous. I have accepted all of that. I am not impressed that after paying to see the movie of my choice I must sit through commercials? Commercials for milk and cell phones? If I wanted commercials I would have waited to see this movie on TV. Bring on the pre-views, bring on the show. Keep your crap 7 minutes of commercials.

Signed

Glad I rushed at the Concession stand so I wouldn’t miss these commercials
Dear Texting Girl,

Turn off your cell phone in the movies means just that. Turn off your phone and stop your crazy texting. I don’t need to be distracted by your little blue screen during a pivotal moment in the movie. Sex scene plus your blue screen and doot doot doot. Anti-Climatic.

Signed

Getting annoyed now.

Dear Sir -Sitting Beside Me,

Oh Sweetie. Didn’t your Mommy ever tell about a little thing called the shower? If you knew about this glorious invention and the added benefit of deodorant my experience last night would have been so much more pleasant. Every time you lift your arm to grab some popcorn I gag. Each time the air kicks in I’m forced to plug my nose. You see dear, this is probably why your date didn’t show up last night. She didn’t know how to tell you the embarrassing news…you smell.

Signed

Girl choking on your B.O. that should have stayed home

    • Comments

    1. So funny! I just came across a gentleman in the grocery store with terrible B.O. – isn’t that the worst? You’d think people would know if they smell, LOL!

      Love your blog, am now following!

    4. I love going to the movies but I have to say, I have experienced at least one of each of these scenarios at some point in time. We now drive further away to a cleaner nicer theatre.

    6. Beautiful!!!!!!!!!! lol!
      Your upselling girl reminded me of going to the bank. I’m so frickin sick of them trying to get me to sign up for something…a new credit card, investing, a new account….

      LEAVE ME ALONE. lol

    9. Time for you to come for a visit in the Poconos. The movie theater is almost always empty, and the prices are cheap. It’s still a little cold inside, I guess some things never change. But if you ask real nice, the concession lady will go upstairs and make you a turkey sandwich.

    10. Sounds like a typical night at the movies alright. I always get the little kid kicking my seat 5,000 times while mom enjoys herself in la la land.

    13. Freaking hilarious and all so very true. Hate the texter, hate the freezing theater, hate the stinky man. I’d like to add a couple to that, the person who sings along to the songs in the movie (tip: never see a movie set to Beatles music in the theater), and the dude who doesn’t understand personal space, puts his leg between your seat and his, and then proceeds to shake his leg throughout the movie, causing your chair to go up and down rapidly with his leg (not as erotic as it sounds).

      Awesome letters. It made me laugh.

    14. Oh, boy.

      I think theses are the very reasons I don’t spend money at the theater anymore!

      But, it’s so much more fun to be passive aggressive, isn’t it?