How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Agressive Letters . . . After a Night at the Movies

in Everyday on

Dear Concession Salesgirl,

I respect that you have a job to do. You job is to up sell. Offer me extra butter, see if I want a bigger pop, perhaps I want a combo? No to all. Hmm. Well, Can I offer you a membership in our rewards program? AHHHH. Dear girl…my movie starts in like 2 minutes and I’ve been informed it is a sold out show, I really don’t want to be in the front row..can I please just have the popcorn and slushie and move along!!!

Signed

Girl in a Hurry

Dear Cinepex Odeon,

Your ticket prices have skyrocketed, your theatres are too cold, your popcorn prices are ridiculous. I have accepted all of that. I am not impressed that after paying to see the movie of my choice I must sit through commercials? Commercials for milk and cell phones? If I wanted commercials I would have waited to see this movie on TV. Bring on the pre-views, bring on the show. Keep your crap 7 minutes of commercials.

Signed

Glad I rushed at the Concession stand so I wouldn’t miss these commercials
Dear Texting Girl,

Turn off your cell phone in the movies means just that. Turn off your phone and stop your crazy texting. I don’t need to be distracted by your little blue screen during a pivotal moment in the movie. Sex scene plus your blue screen and doot doot doot. Anti-Climatic.

Signed

Getting annoyed now.

Dear Sir -Sitting Beside Me,

Oh Sweetie. Didn’t your Mommy ever tell about a little thing called the shower? If you knew about this glorious invention and the added benefit of deodorant my experience last night would have been so much more pleasant. Every time you lift your arm to grab some popcorn I gag. Each time the air kicks in I’m forced to plug my nose. You see dear, this is probably why your date didn’t show up last night. She didn’t know how to tell you the embarrassing news…you smell.

Signed

Girl choking on your B.O. that should have stayed home

    • Comments

    3. That is such a bummer! Given that you have to sell a kidney to even get into the movies these days the experience should be PERFECT.

    5. I love your passive agressive letters so funny,i don’t know how you sat there i would have sat in the aisle rather than gag through the film – your a brave woman šŸ™‚

    11. Jennifer-We were able to enjoy ourselves because eventually it just all started striking us as so so funny! What could we do but coer our noses and laugh?

      Girl with the Golden Touch-It costs us $10.99 Canadian to see a flick here.

    14. I’m sorry you didn’t have the best night, but that is hilarious. Not only that but it is too true, and the very reason I either don’t go to the theater, or go when the movie is old!