How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Contraband Underwear

in Everyday on


I went shopping for a new dress today.
Why?
Big event coming up and it’s time for another new “little black dress”.

Didn’t take me long to find what I was looking for. Simple. Cute.
Zip Ding.
Ring it up.

As I was driving home I began to have this nagging uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.
What the hell was that.
After a little soul searching I realized I was having a wee bit of buyers regret.
What do I need to spend $190.00 dollars on ANOTHER little black dress for?

When I got home I rummaged through my closet and checked out the dresses from the last 5 years. Surely something in here would work for this event next month.

Dress1…hmmm 1 little problem
Dress 2…hmmm 1 little problem
Dress 3 hmmm 1 little problem

The problem is. My belly. Ouch it was even hard to type the word! Pathetic.
This past couple of years I have been dealing with a back injury which has meant NO crunches for me. This means extra insulation for the tummy. So sexy!

Right then and there I made a decision. I took back that 190.00 dress. I am not walking into this charity event with a dress that makes me look 4 months pregnant, and went into the new store in the mall. Maybe you have heard of it? Spanx.

I felt like a 16 year old girl trying to buy booze!
I looked left and right to make sure no one I knew was around.
I surveyed the store from the outside.
Then…I rushed in.
My girlfriends have been raving about these Spanx for months so I knew what I wanted. Thank goodness they run in sizes like panty hose so I could just select my colour and size and get the hell out of there!
Whew!

Back home. Try on the contraband.

OH MY GOOOOD!!!
Dress 1….That looks better!
Dress 2…Holy Cow this dress looks too big now!
Dress 3…Eeek. I think I might be hot!

These Spanx don’t pinch or roll, nothing flubs over the top, they just kind of smooootthh. I think I am in love. Imagine how great my butt would look if I wore these under my Lulu Lemons!

Instead of spending $190.00 on a dress, I spent $59.00 on Spanx and actually feel good about myself.
Ahhh Spanx, from the top of my belly to the bottom of my heart I thank you.

    • Comments

    1. Wow–I’ve heard of spanx, but now I’m really curious. I would love to hide my middle-age spread! I’m going to take The Girl Next Door’s advice and look for the knock-offs at Target.

      I love beauty tips!!!

    2. Ok, so I’m convinced I now need Spanx. I’m having the same issue with a wedding I have soon. So many pretty dresses, but they all make me look like I’m pregnant. And that sucks, since my youngest is 2 years old.

    5. I did the same thing recently…I always do the same thing. I found Spanx a long time ago, but I still buy new dresses….it’s my one chance (usually I do not get much more than that) to wear something besides jeans or yoga pants.
      Holly @ 504 Main

    8. OMG!!! i have not heard about these spanx!! i need to get out more Damn diapers!!!
      Thanks for sharing. Between diapers changes and food throwing i am gonna check the mout for wearing under my wedding gown in just 24 days!!!

    10. Discovered your blog through Nancy’s “Great Sunday Reading” post. I knew I would love it as soon as I saw “I am often amazed and confused by the bizarre happenings behind the closed and competitive doors of the typical suburban home” – you had me at your subject heading… Love Spanx! But currently my husband is having an issue with when he accidentally saw what’s under the clothes. Oh whateva!

    11. Love my spanx, just need an occasion to wear them… not much opportunity for fancy dresses out here in farm land these days!

      Bet you looked HOT!

      Feels good to feel good, eh? I mean when you look in the mirror and go REEEEERRR!

    12. thanks for my first belly – yes, I need spanx – laugh of the week. I love it that you felt like a 16 yr. old trying to buy booze!

    13. Great idea! Glad it worked! I so have to get me one of those! I was just explaining to my children this mornign that mommy would have been able to fit into girl two’s pants about 5 years ago- 8 sizes…something has to give!