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I'm often amazed and confused by the bizarre happenings behind the closed and competitive doors of the typical suburban home. The following is a place to share my thoughts and reflections on daily life as I try to navigate this crazy and wonderful world.






Monday, June 15, 2009

Passive Aggressive Love Letters. . . .To My Family

Dearest SweetGirl
When I am asking you to be quick like a Bunny because you are going to be late for school, that actually means..MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT! Please don't think because I am using my best Mommy sing song voice it is because I want to see your sweetest ballet move as you slowly ascend the stairs to brush your teeth. I am using that voice because if I unleash the drill Sergeant voice that is currently rumbling inside my head I will scare you and send you into reverse. Forward motion baby. Quick like a Bunny. PLEASE!!!

Dearest Hubby
Love of my life.
Please...for the love of Pete..put your undies IN the hamper.


Dear BlueEyes
I'm sorry you can't find your favorite sweat shirt. Yes I agree it is beautiful. Does stomping your feet and whining about it make you feel better becasue you are kind of scaring me! Who is this pre-PMSing girl and what has she done with my child? Is this a small glimpse of what the teenage years will look like?
The last time I wore your sweatshirt I'm sure I put it back where it belonged!!
This really is not a crisis. Honestly it is not worth tears. Hang on baby we will find it together.

Dear Great Grandma
Oh I do love you with my entire heart. Now that this has been said, when I say "Hey Granny how are you"? It really is just a conversation starter. I don't want a run down of your aching back, sore knee, itchy arm, cracked skin, rumbly tummy, time on toilet today and what color you coughed up this morning! If you have a new ailment that warrants discussion, by all means lay it on me. Otherwise...maybe we should just jump to the weather!


Kisses

23 comments:

Hit 40 said...

LOL to granny!!! I totally agree. I do not want long medical updates from anyone.

My boys think I have taken their clothes too!! HELLO - you are like 2/3 my size.

Martha said...

Dear Modern Mom,
Even though your family drives you crazy, I appreciate that they are great bloggy material.
Your fan, Martha

Randi Troxell said...

your too funny... and i think these were my favorite set of letter, lol!

Loukia said...

LOL love it! Why do children sometimes move so slowly? I love these letters!

Rachel said...

Love these letters! Can I copy, paste, and forward the granny one to my MIL?

And I thought I was the only mom (besides my own, of course!) who used the phrase "Quick like a bunny!!!"

Colleen said...

Great letters, hope I'm never the recipient!!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Are you sure that is YOUR grandma and not mine?
I also lose all my kids belongings...silly us.

Susan said...

Oh my gosh... we have the exact same family!! How ironic!

And I fall too many times to Drill Sargeant and make us digress in getting to school on time. I melt, then they melt more. AAGGHHH.

I will sing tomorrow morning.

Jennifer said...

LOL!!! My mom could have written that letter to BlueEyes to me, back in the day! Great letters!

Madame DeFarge said...

The one to my husband would include the dishwasher, the washing machine, the rubbish bins and remembering the birthdays of his own family, not relying on me. Aren't we lucky to have them?

Veronica Lee said...

Too funny! I love the letters especially the one to Great Grandma.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I love each of these! There is nothing like a girls mind when she loses something, is there? Truly a breakdown!

Lizzie said...

i see our husbands know each other! hee hee :)

hope you have a wonderful evening

Tami said...

LOL, too funny, I use the drill Sergeant voice around these parts, you have to with 4 boys..ahem, I mean 3 boys LOL

Mocha Dad said...

Do you mind if I borrow the letter to the slow moving kids.

Caroline said...

OK...I think I need to do that... esp. my MIL...God love her...I could be dead in the chair and she would keep on yapping...lol

MamaJoss said...

Some bizarre magnetic force repels my husband's under garments just outside the laundry basket too!! weird.

Great post...too funny!

Mrs. Fish: aka Two Fish said...

LMAO you are hysterical!! I love the letters we never intend to send. I love the granny one....why is it we ask and get a newspaper full of their day! Move it...definitely applies to my son, he is king of putzing!

SC said...

Just stumbled upon your blog from LouLou's Views!

I love this post...! I have a few passive aggressive entries I would like to a few people in my life, but fear they are readers so I keep my mouth shut! LOL!

Thanks for sharing this!!

Stacie's Madness said...

teeeheee these are great.

Joshua said...

I'd love to see the letters you probably wanted to post but didn't in case your family read them :-)

Suzy said...

Cut your grandma some slack. Complaining about body parts is going to be your job one day!

Kristin said...

Dear Modern Mom's familia, thanks for the laughs!