There are certain unwritten rules every Mama in the Suburbs know exist. You want to survive here? You better toe the line baby!
1. When you get invited out for coffee wine PLEASE don’t spend the entire time talking about yourself, your husband, your business, your kids, your fabulous house. Sigh. Self centered Suburban Mama’s don’t get invited out a second time. They are boring…oh and self centered.
2. Don’t check out another Suburban Mama’s Husband. That is against the code….and it is super gross.
3. If you see one of your Suburban Mama friends out and about and her toddler is having a temper tantrum that rivals an episode from The Super Nanny. Just smile and let her know we have all been there. Don’t judge. She is already having a bad day.
4. See a Suburban Mama out there and she looks like hell? Clothes are wrinkled, bloodshot eyes, wearing the baseball cap of invisibility. Pretend you don’t see her. She has got something going on, and trust me when I say, she is not up for a friendly chat.
5. Try and remember that Gossip spreads in the Suburbs like wildfire spreads in California. Once it starts, it takes an act of God to put a stop to it. Remember what your Mama taught you, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
6. Oh and of course, the Universal rule among loving caring Suburban Mamas… no matter how many doughnuts she’s been eating, despite any extra trips to Taco Bell, even if her zipper is split and she can’t breath when she sits, never ever admit, She looks fat in those pants!
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Your posts are so funny and this is such great advice for the survival of the neighborhood ! lol
Some very very wise words there my friend.
PS thanks for your advice about the stay signed in, I can finally comment on blogs again.
This is honestly such wise advice!
All very good things to remember!!
“Baseball cap of invisibility” – I love it! That’s exactly what it is! 😉
You must be an awesome friend since you know and probably follow these rules 🙂
Yep I am pretty sure these rules are posted around our neighborhood too. 🙂
Sounds like we have to keep or mouths shut! Actually these are really good common sense things that we should know however some people don’t have common sense.
If it’s true, it’s not gossip, right? 🙂
But no rules against how many glasses of wine I can have while out with the Suburban Moms? I’m in!
I have tried joining a few “mommy groups” in the area and they all have been horrible experiences, nothing but women talking about theirselves and in competition for the best baby in the world….none of them were tired, they all had makeup on! None had twins, none were exhausted, I just couldn’t relate.
smiles. i think these have saved many a friendship…smiles.