How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Aggressive Letters From The Suburbs: Bewilderment

in Everyday, Family on

It’s that time again!  Time to get some ranting off my chest.  Of course in the most passive aggressive way possible, some kinda sorta anonymous letters sent out into the cyber world.  Have a complaint against humanity?  Feel free to play along.

Snow

Dear Swervy,

Guess what?  You live in Canada. Up here in the Great White North we have this thing called snow.  Maybe you’ve heard of it?  It falls from the sky and has the tendency to make the driveways, sidewalks and roads uber slippery.  The key to survival?  Be smart and slow the hell down!  I get it, we all get caught unawares once in awhile with that wicked black ice, but when you can SEE 15 cm of that white stuff falling from the sky, settling on top of the roads and blinding drivers perhaps you should take heed.  If you see other drivers honking and shaking their fists at you it really is time to slow your roll.  I know you don’t like to hear my voice of reason but perhaps if you had slowed down as all those one finger salutes had suggested you should, you wouldn’t be calling for a tow truck right now.

Signed,

We told you so

Dear Bitch in the Kiss and Ride,

Oh yes, I said that.  And guess what, if you think I’m talking about you, I probably am!  Here’s the thing; the “Drop Off Zone”  or “Kiss and Ride” as it’s known at our school is not that freakin’ complicated.

At drop off: Pull up to the top of the lane.  Put your car in park.  Let your child out.  Put your car back in drive and move on.

At pick up:  Circle around the lot until you see your child.  Once you see your little one you then have permission to pull into the “Kiss and Ride”.  Put your car in park. Have your child slide in.  Drive away.  Easy.  Peasy.

Do NOT Park.  Do NOT get out of your car.  Do NOT sit there and text.  Do NOT sit there bewildered as to why you are getting passive aggressive head shakes and glares from the rule following Mamas of the neighbourhood.  Just get a clue and stop being an entitled Bitch.  When you do park your car, get out and have a chat or just sit and wait for your super special child to get out of school; you’re clogging up the works and making it unsafe for all the little people of the school.  As I think ALL the little people are special I kindly request you Do NOT PARK YOUR CAR in the Kiss and Ride.  Please, I’m begging you, be a kind, decent, rule following person.  I know you can do it!

Signed,

Exhausted by your selfishness

 

Dear Dance Mom,

Self involved much?  I know way back in the day it was customary to eat your big bag of popcorn, enjoy your drink and leave your garbage behind on the floor for the movie theatre staff to clean up.  What you did today was all kinds of wrong!  First up, we we’re not at a movie theatre but a Dance Recital. (just putting that out there)  Second, there were signs on all the doors that kindly asked that no food or drinks be consumed in the Auditorium.  Makes sense!  So as I watched your family of five tear through Subway sandwiches, crackle through bags of potato chips, and slurp through cans of pop DURING a dance recital I was a  tad shocked!  Then to add insult to injury, when the performance was over and the house lights went up, you left all your garbage on the floor.   This my dear, was rude.  Exactly who do you think is going to pick up that garbage for you and what kind of example are you trying to teach your children?

Signed,

Not That Kind Of Dance Mom

Did anything happen to you this weekend that had you shaking your head in bewilderment?  Be sure to tell me, I’d love to know I’m not alone in my little corner of the Suburbs!

    • Comments

    2. I can’t believe some people! These letters must be therapeutic! I should try it.

    3. Seriously, when the snow falls, why do people react like they have never seen the stuff? I’m with you. SLOW DOWN!

    5. I love some of these rants and so true! Sometimes you need to get things off your chest.

    6. I hope you had some wine when you wrote this post! I feel like I could spend a whole day writing letters to Society… I could also spend a whole day drinking wine. Hmmmm… I think you’re on to something here!
      xx
      Jamie

    7. Even better (in my mind of course) than rubbish on shelves was the package of nice, warm, juicy pork chops sitting beside a bag of flour in the grocery store. Really?

    8. Doesn’t it feel good to let it out! Your rants are so true and very well said. I love the rant about the snow and speeding. Yup, I’ve seen some very messed up mishaps from stupid people who don’t know how to drive.
      I am in customer service and my rant is when you ask for my help and I politely give you my help, don’t just walk away…say thank you to me!! Use your manners! I know it’s my job and its what I get paid to do, but that does not give you the right to be ignorant or abusive to me. Treat me as you would like to be treated! There I feel better!

    9. Love these letters and they are so true! My pet peeve is when it snows and someone just cleans off enough snow so they can see out their windshield and nothing else – how stupid, unsafe and LAZY!

      • HA! So true! I drive an SUV and can drive through just about anything, and it STILL drives me crazy when the fools in front of me don’t take the time to clean off their entire cars. It’s not that hard to do!

    10. I am scared to public put this out there but you asked for it 😉
      To Canadian Companies: Key work Canadian!
      We see the Canadian news on TV. We follow Canadian news networks on all Social Media Sooooo we know how stupidly cold it is & the crazy amount of snow Eastern Canada it getting. We know & we truly care but…
      There is no need to keep tweeting “Another cold day out there, stay warm” because it is 0 C right now in Alberta. It was 20 C yesterday afternoon. Your a Canadian Company!? Makes me think you don’t represent/care/acknowledge All of Canada when you remind me your located in ON & your tweets refer only to ON followers.
      There. Done. Feel Better 🙂

    11. grr! so this one worked of course.
      I’ve stayed behind at a few concerts for my kids cleaning up other people’s trash. Why is it that people can’t for 1hour not eat? or drink their Tim’s! Also the Grocerystore shelves are not for your Tim’s cups!

      • YES!! Why do people think they can leave their empty Tim Horton’s cups on grocery store shelves? I just don’t get it! #rude

    14. I think you and I should form a crime-fighting team (we’ll have to learn to fly, as I live in the States) who simply goes from school to school, urging the parkers and walkers to keep on moving in the drop-off line! These people think their kid is going to get kidnapped somewhere during the 20 steps they have to take to get into the school….even though there is a teacher standing right there, watching! Major pet peeve!!!