On Slow Drivers, NO Parking Zones and Drive-Thru Etiquette

Maybe it’s the ridiculously long winter, maybe I need a vacation, or perhaps this is a particularly aggressive case of PMS, but lately, a whole bunch of people out there in the real world are ticking me off.

1. Hello, oblivious Mama in the NO PARKING area in the school parking “drop off and pick up only” zone who PARKS her car in the same obtrusive spot every single day.  What in the hell are you thinking?  Everyone knows this is drop off only!  There are signs, like, everywhere.  So, why do you think you are so special?  Who do you think you are that you can mess up the works for the rest of the entire school by parking you snotty little self in the no parking zone creating a traffic jam.  Those people honking at you aren’t saying hello, they are ANGRY.  MOVE already.
2. The self-important man at the Starbucks drive-thru ordering 8 coffees??  Seriously dude EIGHT?  You need 2 trays to hold 8 drinks.  The rest of us are getting 1 or 2 ….maybe 3 drinks  You sir need to park your car, go inside and place your order.  Besides, you know there’s no way in hell that frazzled barista is getting all 8 of those orders right.  That’s the worst game of telephone ever.  “I’ll take one Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte With Soy Milk” yelled into a crackly speaker is never going to translate correctly.  Shouldn’t there be some kind of law ….yes a Starbucks law!  That the maximum number of high maintenance coffees you can order at a drive-thru at one time is four.  This seems logical to me.  Eight is rude.  The Starbucks Law is now four.
3. Since we are dwelling on drive-thrus.  At the drive-thru line up at the bank, I believe it is courteous to do maybe one or perhaps two transactions.  Once you have monopolized the machine for 10 minutes it is time to move along.  For reals.
4. SLOW DRIVERS!  Oh, Mylanta.  Unless you just got your beginners’ drivers licensee 30 km per hr in a 60 zone is going to give me the road rage.  Gas is on the right.
5. Baby, it’s not just Oprah that thinks texting and driving is a bad idea.  Here in Ontario, it is the law.  You swerving into my lane….especially when I have my kids in the car…makes me want to stick my head out the window like a dog and yell at you to GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU FREAKING IDIOT, YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.  (but I didn’t, I just shook my head)

Now that I look at my list, I think what I have going on is just a good old fashioned case of road rage.  So if you see a blonde shaking her fist and screaming from inside her little white SUV, don’t worry it’s just another Suburban Mama who is having a day.   Feel free to send over some wine.

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