How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Man Clean

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I came home the other day from running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
Hubby proudly announced he had cleaned up the kitchen!
Seriously? I am a 38 year old women feeling like I have one too many balls in the air right now, this had me all kinds of excited.

As I walked into our kitchen my reaction was less…”Oh thank you Honey” and more “What the hell are you talking about, I thought you said you CLEANED.” The kitchen looked EXACTLY the same as I had left it!
Me voicing my opinion on the matter didn’t go over so well.
He had emptied and filled the dishwasher, and apparently wiped off the 1 by 1 foot piece of counter that wasn’t covered in crap. In man language, that baby was all good and cleaned up.

Sigh.
Man clean is just different then Women clean!
Man vacuuming means vacuuming around furniture and anything that might be lying on the floor. Women move chairs, couches, and every single piece of crap their kids and dogs have dropped or touched in the last 24 hours gets put AWAY.
Man dusting. It does not exist.
Man dishes. If it fits in the dishwasher, you are all good. If not….it needs to soak. Usually for three or four days is good.
Man laundry. Gets done when he has completely run out of clean clothes and his socks can stand all on their own. It however does not get put away. It sits in that laundry basket all folded and creasing until it is needed to cover man parts. I guess putting clothes away in drawers would be a waste of man power.
Man toilets. Not in my lifetime!
Now don’t get me wrong I am grateful for every little bit of man cleaning that gets done around here. I think a man who vacuums is hot. I just wish man cleaning and women cleaning were animals of a more similar breed.
A girl can dream…

    • Comments

    1. You are completely right. Cleaning to a man is not the same as cleaning for a woman.

      I laughed several times when reading this. So true!

    4. When company comes, my man scrapes things into drawers, and puts mail and any and everything else in a brown grocery bags, then stuffs them into a closet.
      Not good.
      It’s scary, because I know some things will be going to the abyss – bills included.
      My kids get a warning: “Clean up before your Daddy gets his hands on your things.”

    5. We have just the opposite problem. My husband is a neat freak, and a compulsive cleaner (once he gets started) If I tell him I cleaned all day, I can see it on his face that he doesn’t think the house is as clean as he’d do it. Oh well…whoever gets out the mop deserves the praise!

    7. Oh so true! You cracked me up. My husband does dishes, but rarely wipes down counters/stove. He just does not get it. When I comment on it, it makes it worse, so I just don’t say anything. At least the dishes get cleaned.

    10. “very single piece of crap their kids and dogs have dropped or touched in the last 24 hours gets put AWAY.” uh oh?? I’ve been man cleaning all my life.

    11. You know, it’s funny – for us, it’s the opposite! I clean really well, but when we first started dating, he was definitely the superior cleaner. He’d move furniture when he vacuumed to make sure he cleaned everything. Eventually, when we started living together, I took over the cleaning duties, but for whatever reason, I’ve always felt like he cleaned better than I do, even now. But apparently, he can’t be bothered to clean anymore – I can’t remember the last time I came home to him saying that he cleaned something. Argh.

    14. Ha! Be careful what you wish for! My husband is super-anal-clean-man. In fact, tonight, my parents were over for dinner and he was cleaning up our plates before we were done eating. He also can’t go to sleep if there are clothes on the dresser, and god forbid I put one of my hair bands on the bathroom counter – apparently that is the grossest thing that I could do! I’m all for a clean house, but would like to finish my dinner before my plate is put in the dishwasher… I’m just sayin.

      Man cleaning IS hot – if it’s not obsessive.