The Suburban Mama Code

There are certain unwritten rules every Mama in the Suburbs know exist.  You want to survive here?  You better tow the line baby!

1. When you get invited out for coffee wine PLEASE don’t spend the entire time talking about yourself, your husband, your business, your kids, your fabulous house.  Sigh.  Self centered Suburban Mama’s don’t get invited out a second time. They are boring…so transparent and oh so self centered.

2. Don’t check out another Suburban Mama’s Husband. That is against the code….and it is super gross.

3. If you see one of your Suburban Mama friends out and about, and her toddler is having a temper tantrum that rivals an episode from The Super Nanny.  Just smile and let her know we have all been there. Don’t judge.  She’s already having a bad day.

4. See a Suburban Mama out there and she looks like hell?  Clothes are wrinkled, bloodshot eyes, wearing the baseball cap of invisibility.  Pretend you don’t see her. She has got something going on, and trust me when I say, she is not up for a friendly chat.

5. Try and remember that gossip spreads in the Suburbs like wildfire spreads in California.  Once it starts, it takes an act of God to put a stop to it.  Remember what your Mama taught you, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

6. Oh and of course, the Universal rule among loving caring Suburban Mamas… no matter how many doughnuts she’s been eating, despite any extra trips to Taco Bell, even if her zipper is split and she can’t breath when she sits, never ever admit, She looks fat in those pants!