How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Aggressive Letters. . . . with Love

in Everyday on

Dear Solicitor,
See that sign on my door that says “No Soliciting”. That means please don’t knock on my door to tell me about your wonderful services, try and sell me something, or approach me with any kind of wheelin and dealin. Unless you’re a Girl Guide peddling your wares, I don’t want any. Don’t be giving me a dirty look when I tell you “No Thank You“.
Signed
Good Thing You Didn’t Know What I Was Thinking! Get Off My Lawn, Do I Bother You When You are Eating Dinner With Your Family?
Dear Manicurist,
When you are filing away at my nails and then make a big slip with your super sharp tools, please acknowledge the fact that you have indeed CUT me. It may just be a small cut, but it stings like a son of a gun. Please note that when it requires you to stop the bleeding, it also requires an apology!!
Signed
Needs a Band-Aid

Dear Cineplex Odeon,
Are you aware that it costs $10.00 per ticket to get into your shows? Do you know that just one large tub of popcorn is $5.99 the optional (HA HA) butter is another $1.00. It cost us almost $80.00 for the four of us to go to the movies yesterday. That’s OK, I was prepared for the price, what I was not prepared for, was the little guy behind the counter telling me they could not take a hundred dollar bill without the approval of a manager? They normally do not accept hundreds? You know what? If it is going to cost me an entire weeks grocery money to take my family to the movies, someone had better be standing there ready to take my money! When did the $100.00 bill become a useless currency in this country. Please take 5 minutes to train your staff on how to spot fake currency for all size bills.
Signed
Late for the Movie
Dear EBay Seller
The 2 shirts I purchased for my girls are really cute. They are going to love them. I didn’t understand why you couldn’t combine shipping and send them together, but okay, I paid the two shipping charges for the items I purchased 2 minutes apart and paid for on the same invoice. I questioned you, but you were adamant it had to be done this way because I was “way up in Canada”.

Now that the items have arrived, I am once again disappointed in humanity. You sent the cute shirts in the same box. You clearly paid one shipping charge, bought one box, and put the second $13.00 shipping charge in your pocket. Shame on you.
Signed
Won’t be buying from you again.

    • Comments

    3. and what about the a-holes(who when you point out the sign) say “but I am not selling anything”. I hate having to explain because it feels so rude. “If we don’t know you, and you are telling us about things in which we have not inquired, you are soliciting. BYE.” I want to post a sign that shows sleeping babies plus barking dogs equals hostile momma. Would pictures and simple equations get through to these unfortunate peddlers? ugh

    5. 3 for 3. I am on a roll of enjoying your blog. I almost didn’t want to stop reading to make a comment. I could not be more pleased by your witty expression of the everyday outrage of “humanity”. It reminds me of a far less dignified attempt I made to express my discontent with the world….called The Shortest Books.I think I want to try and do it in the form of a letter next time around. Must continue reading.

      http://ijonc.blogspot.com/2009/09/shortest-books.html

    7. What an eBay seller ripoff! OMG I would report that basturd, that’s got to be illegal.

      Karma is so going to bite him in the golf balls.

      I’m glad the shirts were worth it though!

    9. That Ebay seller is RUDE!Report them!

      Is that how much a movie costs…all of us have never went to the movie together….now I am afraid!

    10. naughty manicurist when they dont give a bandaid or acknowledge they hurt you…and to all the solicitors…if I kindly decline the first time dont keep trying to sell me, my mind is made up and the answer is NO!

      Smooches,
      Sasy CHica