How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Aggressive Letters. . . . with Love

in Everyday on


Dear Donut Man,
I truly love that your coffee is warm and that your sweet forbidden sugary pastry goodness is available fresh right from the oven. I guess that would explain why it is a little bit warm in here. However, cashier number 2 clearly has a glandular problem. His sweat is pouring down his forehead like a marathon runner at the end of a race. It drips off his chin and splashes on the counter. He just used his long sleeve shirt to wipe his perspiring cheeks. As I wait in line calculating if he will be the man serving me today, I realize every patron in your store is doing the same thing. We all mumble “please not him…please not him”.
For the sake of all the germaphobes in the world, to keep the Health Department from knocking on your door, to stop that man from passing out from dehydration, to keep me from finding another donut shop to haunt….give him 5, get him a cold cloth and turn on your air conditioning!

Dear Potential Guest
I sent out an party invitation to you 6 weeks ago. At the bottom of said invitation was a very polite…please RSVP by…. It is now 1 week before the party and still I have not heard from so many of you. Is it really so difficult to check you calender and respond.
Find you manners.

Dear Pharmacy Assistant
I can tell your plans for this weekend are going to be off the hook! How do I know this, well because I so rudely dragged you away from your conversation from your friend so I could give you the prescription I received from my DOCTOR. As you sullenly took my name and number I was over the top polite to you. Why? I am praying you fill my script in a timely manner. Oh, and if you have the time do you think you can wash your hands BEFORE you help the pharmacist fill my prescription? I wouldn’t bathe my dog with nails that filthy.

With Love…

    • Comments

    10. LOL, here plays my memory.. Ic an’t remember if I commented and you haven’t approved it yet.. SO I thought I’d leave ya another one LOL (in case I didn’t) grrrrr..LOL

      I’d flip out over the donut guy. I’m such a Germ-A-Phobe. I’d have left the building. I seriously have issues with cleaning my hands at every turn. I have wipes and liquid to wash my hands with in my purse, in my car, in my desk at work, on ever counter in my house is a bottle of “GERM X” *shudders*
      People who try to shake my hand.. I smile and make a fist tapping them on the knuckles.

      I know 99% of men DON’T wash their hands after coming out the rest room…I see it at work daily. THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED NEAR MY DESK. Nor are the lil rascals allowed to use my pens, or phone.

      I’d RUN FOR THE HILLS! LOL

      Now the RSVP’ers.. Get the book on Etiquette by Emily Post!.. Highlight the page where it states one must RSVP.. and give it to them as a gift! I always do! heh heh.

    13. LOL! I think I have a letter to add to your collection there – to the guy who was driving THISCLOSE to the back of my car this afternoon! šŸ˜‰

    14. I don’t know… krispy kreme donuts are great going down. But, they really hang in there way too long like a log in your tummy!!!

      I would have had to pass on the sweaty donuts.