The Suburban Mama Code

There are certain unwritten rules every Mama in the Suburbs know exist.  You want to survive here?  You better tow the line baby!

1. When you get invited out for coffee wine PLEASE don’t spend the entire time talking about yourself, your husband, your business, your kids, your fabulous house.  Sigh.  Self centered Suburban Mama’s don’t get invited out a second time. They are boring…so transparent and oh so self centered.

2. Don’t check out another Suburban Mama’s Husband. That is against the code….and it is super gross.

3. If you see one of your Suburban Mama friends out and about, and her toddler is having a temper tantrum that rivals an episode from The Super Nanny.  Just smile and let her know we have all been there. Don’t judge.  She’s already having a bad day.

4. See a Suburban Mama out there and she looks like hell?  Clothes are wrinkled, bloodshot eyes, wearing the baseball cap of invisibility.  Pretend you don’t see her. She has got something going on, and trust me when I say, she is not up for a friendly chat.

5. Try and remember that gossip spreads in the Suburbs like wildfire spreads in California.  Once it starts, it takes an act of God to put a stop to it.  Remember what your Mama taught you, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

6. Oh and of course, the Universal rule among loving caring Suburban Mamas… no matter how many doughnuts she’s been eating, despite any extra trips to Taco Bell, even if her zipper is split and she can’t breath when she sits, never ever admit, She looks fat in those pants!


  1. no truer Rules have ever been written down for all the world to learn! Invisibility!!! OMG I have to get me one of those.

    • Stephanie says:

      Let me know if you find one of those invisibility hats sitting around. I could have used one this afternoon!

  2. Susan L says:

    yes YES! Hey, why must women be such gossips? Just be kind. Right?

  3. Yes to every one of these rules! Simple, but necessary. An overarching theme…. be kind to each other. 🙂


  4. Melanie Cooper says:

    I need to find one of those hats! Mine disappeared. All in all if you are kind it will be ok

  5. I wear that hat often! 🙂

  6. kathy downey says:

    These certainly are great rules to live by,thanks for sharing!

  7. true that! 😉

  8. Elizabeth Matthiesen says:

    These rules should be automatic, we’ve all had rough days and being nice and polite doesn’t cost a thing. Remember ‘smile and the whole world smiles with you’ 🙂

  9. Judy Cowan says:

    Now these rules should definitely be posted in all suburban areas!

  10. LMAO you’re hilarious. These are awesome rules!

  11. Lynda Cook says:

    Love these rules, and all of them are all so true!!! lol

  12. Elizabeth Vlug says:

    Great rules. And it is oh so easy to get pulled into gossip. I try and remain neutral. Plus I have learned that you should never, ever assume something. Ever.

  13. Laurie P says:

    #1 YES. I catch myself most times lol

  14. Dorothy H says:

    Are these rules carved on stone tablets somewhere?

  15. Cheryl H says:

    No 5 is so true,

  16. heidi c. says:

    I would never cross my mind to do anything like these. No mom should judge another mom as she is not walking in that other mom’s shoes.

  17. Tania B says:

    So completely true! I have seen so many of these examples from the outside and I have just cringed. Blech! Well written post, now we just need to pass this around the burbs!

  18. Melinda Jana says:

    definitely good codes to live by

  19. Lushka Smith says:

    Yes to #1

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