I’m Not A Violent Person, but….

I would never try and pretend I am a calm and collected kind of girl.  I actually hope the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve makes me kind of endearing?  Hope.  You see, this works when I laugh easily, cry at American Express commercials, and tell bad jokes well…badly.  This heart on my sleeve thing doesn’t work when I get my “anger on”.  I won’t say I’m quick to anger, but it turns out there are a few people out there in the Suburbs that make me all kinds of ticked off.  Here are just a few of those people;

The Spitter.  When I’m walking behind a “gentleman” and he coughs out a copious amount of green phlegm onto the sidewalk, what do I do?  I simply shake my head in disgust.  What I really wanted to do was scream! “Seriously, who raised you?  Don’t you ever do that again!

The Rude Parker.  People who park in the Handicapped parking spots and they know they are NOT supposed to.  Those self righteous people with no permit, and no need of the space, make me all kinds of stabby!  My punishment for them, a good head shaking and my look of pure eevviillll.  I really wish I could issue them a big fat ticket!  Instead I must wait for karma to get these no good parkers. 

The Snoring Hubby.  When it is 2am and my treasured Husband is snoring so loudly the windows are shaking, I have been known to grab my blanket and stomp down the hall.  I must put space between Dear Hubby and myself.  It’s either that or give into the urge to place my feet in the middle of his back and not so gently SHOVE his ass out of bed.  Wouldn’t that be fun?  Just once?

The Self Involved Mama At School Pick Up!  When I am at the glorious “Kiss and Ride” aka Drive up in front of the school and shove your kid out the car door, and that same little black Toyota is once again just parked there.  Sitting. Messing up the traffic and chatting on her cell phone.  Again!  I kind of want to go and knock on her car window with a rock and tell her to move! Why should she get to screw up everyone else’s day?

The Un-cooperative Car.  When I finally make it to my precious Tim Horton’s drive-thru in the morning, place my order, pick up my coffee and roll away with my steaming cup, and my window WILL NOT ROLL UP.  I just want to shake, slap, and pray until that window shimmy’s back into place.  Oh wait, I might have done that one.

See..not violent so much as a Mama a bit frustrated with a few things going on the Suburbs.  Maybe if I start adding a bit of Baileys to that morning coffee I could mellow the heck out.  Or maybe I should just start speaking my mind before I give myself an ulcer. 

What’s on your bitch list this weekend?


  1. Oh, with ate you just mellow…….ice found since turning the dreaded 60, I’m more patient. I till don’t like any of the things you listed, but I’m able now to shake my head and smile.

    The thing that gets to me? This inanimate object called the iPad and trying to type on this crazy touch screen! I may explode every now and then while typing!

  2. Oh. I have a neighbour (A gal around 65 yrs old) who is a spitter.

    In the summer, I will try to sit outside to enjoy the weather and be pushed back inside as I cringe everytime she ‘snorts’ in the spit to get a good haul in order to spit out as much as possible. While sitting next to me on the step.

    Seriously? It makes my stomach turn everytime. So disgusting!

  3. i am so glad i dont end up on the floor each night…just saying…smiles….

  4. I think you have a list that most of us can relate to.

    Funny thing about your window–we have the same problem in one of our vehicles. All of the windows except the driver’s side has a short in it and if rolled down, they are a pain to get back up. Needless to say, we have a window lock in that vehicle and mom and dad play warden to keep little kid hands away from it.

  5. Yes Yes YES! When did people get so rude!! Can I add, the person that orders 4 sandwiches and 8 coffees at the drive-thru. If you are getting that much stuff GO INSIDE!

  6. No mellowing please…where is the fun in that???
    Spitters are disgusting. People on cell phones are oblivious to the rest of us. Ughhh.
    As far as the snoring? I told my snorer yesterday that he might have to set up shop in the guest room. IT’s.that.bad. And I don’t want to give up my bed!!!

  7. Bitching is aimed at hubby…been up with baby girl for two hours, he just rolled over told me I’m doing a good job then went back to sleep…..he is a whole lotta man bitch!

  8. This is awesome and I couldn’t agree more!!!

  9. The self involved mama makes me CRAZY! Because more than likely she is wearing her juicy sweatpants and talking to her girlfriends about where they are meeting for lunch. Meanwhile, I am already 10 minutes late to work with a 20 minute commute on my hand. GET OUT OF THE WAY LADY!

  10. I’m all in favor of the Bailey’s in the morning coffee. Maybe even some Kahlua?

    My “bitch list” is far too long to share here. Let me just say, I feel your pain.


  11. Ugh. I can’t stand the spitters.

    I also want to call out the men who think they’re being sly when scratching themselves but its soooo obvious. Hey buddy! You aren’t fooling anyone! We ALL know what you’re doing!

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  13. Well, I COULD type out a long, long list but then I read comment #12. So I’ll just go with Spammers. They should be rounded up and tortured.

  14. Eek Deleted! Thanks for the heads up. Stupid Spammers!

  15. Today I’ll go with parents who do not give accurate emergency info and cannot be reached when school is dismissed early! HELLO!

    And southerners who cannot drive in the snow… I get it, it doesn’t snow much down here and you are not used to it, so SLOW THE FLIP DOWN. I CAN drive in it and I can get home safely if you wouldn’t put me in danger.

    PHEW! I feel better now!

  16. The absolute thing that irks me is when people don’t say thank you! I work with the public and they will ask me a question, I will answer their question and they just walk away…no response, no thank you, not even an okay. Nothing, this really gets me upset. I mean, it’s manners 101 and it’s not the young kids that do this. It is the middle aged and elderly women who do this. Ok, breath, I’ve finished bitching, now I feel better. THANK YOU!

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  18. Ugh, I too am a heart on my sleeve kind of gal. It’s totally endearing right? RIGHT?

    I tend to do a lot of crying when I’m angry. So much crying.

  19. I’m sorry you’ve been following my hubbie into work. First thing in the morning for allergy suffers is the worse time. I don’t even want to be in the same house as he but better out than in is what’s going on there. If he keeps it in? he’s puking vs spitting. (not pleasant). Also your hubbie needs an apnea machine. Yep, it saved our marriage, if only it would clear up the sinuses too.

  20. I was SO with you as you mentioned each offense; in your amen corner – until you mentioned going to Tim Horton’s. Then I wondered, WHY is she not getting a donut, too!!!

    I’m a little hungry at the moment; therefore, I can’t revive my bitch list. After I eat, maybe.

    Off to the kitchen!

  21. Oooo I hate the spitters! So nasty!

  22. I’m usually not an angry person, but sometimes the littlest things will set me off like a pressure cooker! It usually involves annoying people.

  23. You sound familiar to me.

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  24. I had a boyfriend once who shook his head and said, “You live so close to your emotions.” Yes. Yes I do.

    The spitting thing really, really gets me. Once I had a (female!) friend spitting repeatedly as we walked with a small group. I visibly recoiled each time and she finally said, “What? It’s a natural bodily function.” I said, “So is pooping, but I don’t want to see that in public either.”

  25. It’s a good thing you are in control:)

    Thankfully (although tempting), we can’t use cell phones in the carpool lanes.

  26. People in the school pick-up line drive me CRAZY!
    The snoring hubby does, too. I just may kick mine often when he does that.

  27. Is this the passive-agressive letter of January? Where’s the linky? 🙂 Would love to participate this month:(

    Anyway, I hate it too when my window would do that. Ruthless:(

  28. You make loving you so easy.
    I hate non dog pooper picker uppers. UGH.

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