I would never try and pretend I am a calm and collected kind of girl. I actually hope the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve makes me kind of endearing? Hope. You see, this works when I laugh easily, cry at American Express commercials, and tell bad jokes well…badly. This heart on my sleeve thing doesn’t work when I get my “anger on”. I won’t say I’m quick to anger, but it turns out there are a few people out there in the Suburbs that make me all kinds of ticked off. Here are just a few of those people;
The Spitter. When I’m walking behind a “gentleman” and he coughs out a copious amount of green phlegm onto the sidewalk, what do I do? I simply shake my head in disgust. What I really wanted to do was scream! “Seriously, who raised you? Don’t you ever do that again!”
The Rude Parker. People who park in the Handicapped parking spots and they know they are NOT supposed to. Those self righteous people with no permit, and no need of the space, make me all kinds of stabby! My punishment for them, a good head shaking and my look of pure eevviillll. I really wish I could issue them a big fat ticket! Instead I must wait for karma to get these no good parkers.
The Snoring Hubby. When it is 2am and my treasured Husband is snoring so loudly the windows are shaking, I have been known to grab my blanket and stomp down the hall. I must put space between Dear Hubby and myself. It’s either that or give into the urge to place my feet in the middle of his back and not so gently SHOVE his ass out of bed. Wouldn’t that be fun? Just once?
The Self Involved Mama At School Pick Up! When I am at the glorious “Kiss and Ride” aka Drive up in front of the school and shove your kid out the car door, and that same little black Toyota is once again just parked there. Sitting. Messing up the traffic and chatting on her cell phone. Again! I kind of want to go and knock on her car window
with a rock and tell her to move! Why should she get to screw up everyone else’s day?
The Un-cooperative Car. When I finally make it to my precious Tim Horton’s drive-thru in the morning, place my order, pick up my coffee and roll away with my steaming cup, and my window WILL NOT ROLL UP. I just want to shake, slap, and pray until that window shimmy’s back into place. Oh wait, I might have done that one.
See..not violent so much as a Mama a bit frustrated with a few things going on the Suburbs. Maybe if I start adding a bit of Baileys to that morning coffee I could mellow the heck out. Or maybe I should just start speaking my mind before I give myself an ulcer.
What’s on your bitch list this weekend?