Moments of Terror in the Suburbs

Now before you get too scared and think I’m gong to tell you a tale of true woe or a big old ghost story…RELAX. The following is a list of those moments that have struck true terror in my oh so shallow heart.  A kind of heart pounding that only the truly spoiled in the Suburbs can understand. 

You know that feeling when you turn on your stuffed to the max, overused, completely relied on, run twice a day dishwasher and it makes a new and uncomfortable metallic clinking kind of a sound?  An oh crap, that’s not sound good sort of noise?  Yes, the distinctive sound that tells you in a matter of days you shall be washing dishes by hand…or eating off paper plates just like Kate and her Plus 8.  That feeling strikes fear in every domestic goddess.  Mama needs her dishwasher.

The moment when you slip into your fave little black dress and the freakin zipper will n0t do up.  Well, it will do up, but only if you hold your breath, squish your wee boobs in and make plans to stand the entire night.  Not good.

The most unpleasant noise of  a little voice in the middle of the night whispering every so quietly into your ear “Mommy, my tummy does not feel good.”  We all know this means vomit will follow.  For me, vomit is more then unpleasant, yes, it borders on scary. 

The experience of going to put on your “go to” pair of jeans, you know the pair, the only piece of clothing in your closet that makes your butt look awesome, only to discover the cat has PEED on them!  Fave jeans, now garbage…and that cat had better have a bladder infection because it doesn’t matter how cute he is, he is in TROUBLE!

SassyPets

The true terror of your hair stylist calling just days before a big event to CANCEL your hair appointment because he is sick?  What?  Hairstylists can get sick! Unheard of! Panic. 

Yes, as much as I celebrate the little things in life I must also acknowledge that sometimes theses teeny moments of angst make this Mama a bit stabby.  Coffee usually helps. 

What scary moments in your life bring on the heart palpitations?  Please tell me I’m not alone!



Comments

  1. I am sorry I cannot tell a story as my brain cannot think of any at this time as I am laughing so hard. B

  2. This is HYSTERICAL. I need to have a think, because I cannot think of another… the thunking that came from my AC unit the other day in the 100- degree heat was alarming… and then creeping out and thinking I might find the reamins of a dead animal all over the side of my house?

  3. Oh dear cat… curtains!

  4. oh my..the sick in the sick in the middle of the night scares me the most…i just know projectile vomit will go everywhere and i will end up needing a shower….

  5. When the house is quiet and you are naive enough to believe your child is quietly playing alone until you hear the toliet flush followed by an “uh-oh.”

  6. What’s with cat’s peeing??? Mine keeps peeing in my shoes if I leave them out. Only mine – and I’m the one who changes her litter.
    (thank goodness it’s been just flip flops recently).

  7. Oh yeah, those are the everyday terrors.

    Hi Gorgeous, how are you?

  8. Totally terrifying! My makeup artist canceled the day of my wedding. I was panicked but they had another artist and he was actually better. Terrified at first but it worked out.

  9. Wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. I can totally relate.

    Last winter, the cat got sick in our son’s boots and all over his jacket. We didn’t realize until he was dressed and we were on the way to church. We smelled something funny, so we checked him, and well, DISGUST! I want to vomit just thinking about.

  10. Reading these made me upset, I do know the terror of such things. I think anything out of the norm gets to me now!!! Hope things calm down for you.

  11. Cat pee might be worse than kiddo vomit.
    I have a haunted dishwasher…it starts randomly and the door does not lock any longer. Yep. random spraying of the kitchen. I have to shut off the breaker when we leave the house now!!! FUN.

    BTW: we are heading out to our adventure…I’ll catch up with you in a week or two.
    xoxo

  12. I have just finished my very long journey of being without a dishwasher. I didn’t write down the exact start date, but I had been handwashing dishes for well over a month. Girl, I feel your pain and I hope to never go back there again!

    I agree that the worst thing ever is that little voice in the middle of the night, especially when someone else in the family has it too or is just getting over it.

    I’ve never had the cat pee problem but I have recently lost two often used clothing items. Where in the world did they go? I think someone breaks into my home when we’re out, steals one item of clothing, and locks everything back up nicely. I can’t find any other explanation.

  13. Worst domestic sound? The sound of the dog about to yack at 2 AM. Nothing brings you to full alert more that that sound. Shudder.

  14. I am completely with you on the dishwasher! I have a similar panic attack when I hear strange noises coming from my washing machine!

  15. These things are rough – but are the jeans really garbage? Smell won’t come out?

    Me … well I am a hopeless slob. And it is so discouraging to ruin my new tee shirt, or to spill gravy all over the floor when I’m trying to cook up a huge meal – that kind of thing. It’s compounded by the fact that I get so mad at myself.

  16. Ya the fact that my washing machine died a couple of weeks ago. $185 later for a guy to come and pick off some calcium build up! WTF?!

  17. Not alone at all. First world problems but still…it strikes panic in me every time my dishwasher sounds clunky…

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