Oh my friends it has been too long and I have some things to get off my chest! So without further adieu I bring to you Passive Aggressive Letters From The Suburbs, with love of course!
Dear “Lady” Picking Your Nose At Tim Hortons,
You do of course realize that the Kleenex you are holding in your right hand is not a shield of invisibility? Just because you put it over your index finger does not make it or your act of nose picking disappear. Everyone in the entire place can see that you are up to your knuckle in your nostril and trust me when I tell you, we are not impressed. Adding a Kleenex to the nose picking routine is still, well, nose picking. Please take your magic act somewhere else! (Of course on a positive note I was so grossed out by your digging, inspecting and associated glee that I was not able to finish my bagel, so I saved those calories. Thanks I guess!)
We Can Still See You!
To the Honey Putting on Eyeliner While Driving,
Are you kidding me? What or who can be so important that you simply must attempt to outline your EYES while driving a car? This is not what the rear view mirrors are for! Would you be doing this if your Daddy was watching you? What if I was a Police Officer cruising along beside you. Plus I hate to tell you this, but you are not doing a very good job. Your left eye is kind of super smudgey. Do society a favour and at least wait until you hit a stop light to try and fix your face. I mean think about it, driving while drawing on your eyes is a pretty good way to end up with a face full of windshield. Probs not the look you’re going for.
I Wish I Could Make A Citizens Arrest or At Least Take Your Pic and Send It To Your Mother.
Dear Gas Station Attendant,
My Eyes are UP HERE! What the heLL are you looking at anyway? Those are old lady boobs and you are about 16. Shiver.
A Mama Who Fears For Her Daughters
Do you have a moment that made you shake your head, offer unsolicited advice or just tell off a total stranger? Go ahead and write me passive aggressive letter to get it off your chest. It’s much cheaper then therapy!