So This One Time In A Hot Tub…

Oh don’t you wish this story was going to be all scandal in the suburbs?  Pft.  This is not that kind of blog!  However….

This one night, after a couple of generous drinks with good friends in a hot tub, the hubby and I were feeling the love.  You know, the “I love the world”, “I love your kids”, “I love the gorgeous sky”, “I love you man”.  Kind of feeling the love.  Lots of love.  Just as our blood pressure was reaching an all time low, and the alcohol in the blood stream was reaching an all time high, the four of us came up with the BEST idea ever!   We would combine our two wild families and all rent a house together in Florida!! 

Bonding, family, fun, sunshine and more hot tub!  It was decided.  We were doing it!

The next morning, after the Baileys on ice was good and worn off, and the Advil was starting to kick in, I realized the gravity of what I had just done.  I had just agreed to spend an entire week sunbathing, swimming, and tanning it up with freakin Barbie and Ken

Crap.

I adore my good friends, freakin Barbie and Ken, but do they have to be quite so perfect and beautiful?

So now I needed to make a decision, come up with a plan of action.

I laid out my options.

A)  Spend the next 25 days starving myself, setting a horrible example for my daughters and hope and pray I could lose a quick 8 to 10 lbs.

B)  Find some kind of miracle Bathing suit..and some fancy ass cover ups.

C)  Jump back into that hot tub and pray for a “Hot Tub time machine” moment so I could go back in time and get out of this situation!

D)  Start dropping by Barbie and Ken’s house daily with homemade Lasagne’s and baked goods, and try and fatten those two up!

E)  Say screw it, buy some rose coloured sunglasses, a ton of Baileys, ban all cameras around the pool, forget the Mummy Tummy and try not to look directly at the perfection that is Barbie and Ken. 

So what is an insecure girl to do? Guess I’m going with plan E with maybe a dash of B.

Sigh…worrying sucks.  I wonder if the Barbie and Ken’s of the world ever sweat it?



Comments

  1. Have a wonderful time! I’d be feeling the same way and even if I looked more Barbie than Barbie, I wouldn’t think so and I’d still worry!

  2. You look great. I am sure you can hold your own with Barbie and Ken!

  3. Yeah, what Laura said!!

  4. Totally cracking up. I never invite Barbies and Kens to go swimming with us. I did invite a really fit woman and her kids to join us last summer and the whole time I was feeling like a beached whale. Sooooo uncomfortable.

  5. Barbie and Ken are the couple that have tons of skeletons in their closets. I bet their marriage is on the rocks because he is having an affair at work. She is anorexic and has an addiction to prescription medication. Her mother-in-law harps on her constantly for not being a good wife to her perfect son and her sister is a raging alcoholic.

    Walk into that Florida house with your head held high…you’ve got way more going on for you!!!

    Ha ha…hope I lightened your load with my witty humor today! 🙂

  6. I would start on the meth. You may have rotting teeth, and sores on your skin, but you will be skinny!!

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  8. Too funny. Yeah, I am thinking that your #5 is your best bet–maybe I’ll stop laughing at Kristina’s comment in a a few minutes.

  9. Barbie and Ken are over-rated and probably self-conscious themselves – I say enjoy and have fun!!
    🙂

  10. When in doubt always go with E and a little B. Life’s too short to be sitting around starving!

  11. Follow my lead and look for ugly friends 🙂
    You’ll be fine. You are beautiful!

  12. This is the funniest post I have read in a long time! I would say just go with the flow, Barbie will have her own insecurities.

  13. (((hugs))) Steph! but seriously go and have an awesome time because you are one hot mama! <3

  14. I would go with option E and have a wonderful time.

  15. Believe me, Barbie is sitting at her house worrying just like you are. Go and leave those worries behind and have a great time.

  16. Too funny!!! I bet that Barbie is just as worried about it as you are. No one is happy with themselves and none of us really see our own beauty. Go and have fun.

  17. Um, hello… YOU are my Barbie!

  18. Plan E, but I saw you, and you’re prettier than Barbie!

  19. you are def getting the support in the comments…ha…i think you will be just fine…and sounds like a great time…

  20. Oh I hate the mommy tummy- I just don’t think mine will every fully go away.

    And just have fun, you are beautiful and will have an amazing time!

  21. Yup – plan E is the only way to go.

  22. Oh please – you look fabulous!

    I mean, you were already in the hot tub with them, right?

    Sounds like an amazingly fun time! Can’t wait to hear about it!

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