Time To Get My Sexy Back

It’s 11:49pm on a Tuesday night and I’m finally crawling into bed. Was I out at some fabulous party? No. A romantic dinner with the Hubby? Um can’t remember the last time we had one of those. So why am I still up? I just HAD to finish those last three loads of laundry, pay the tax bill, put the dishes away, and close the cupboard doors. Who walks out of the kitchen and leaves the kitchen doors open anyway?

As I try to decide if I have enough energy to wash the mascara running down my cheeks, I catch a glimpse of someone in the mirror. Who is that woman with her hair tied in a knot, a defeated look and raccoon eyes? Shockingly, it’s me!

I’m sportin’ a navy blue tank top, and beige and white pinstripe PJ bottoms with an elastic waist. What the hell kind of outfit is that?

So I start to think. When did I start letting myself go? I’m amazed to think my Hubby still thinks this “package” is attractive. He must really love me. The thing is, I don’t really love me, not this picture of me, not like this.

Time for a big fat reality check. Life is short. My 40th Birthday is around the corner and I just issued a warning to that worn out Mama in the mirror. I’m taking my sexy back. Time to make myself a priority, be a little less serious and have a lot more fun!

The first thing that has to go. The ugo PJ’s. Time to replace them with something a little sweet, a little sexy! Time for shopping. I am sure EdenFantasys can spice things up! I just spent more time then I care to admit trying to figure out which little baby doll set is going to replace the frumpy PJ’s. There is some serious cuteness going on over there…among other things! Something for the mild Mama all the way to wild Mama!

Note to self. Forty will not be frumpy, it will be fabulous.

A question for you….Am I the only one who has looked in the mirror and been shocked to see a stranger staring back? How did you get your sexy back?

Sponsored Post: I received a gift card in exchange for the writing of this post. This compensation in no way affected the opinions reflected in this post.

Look Out, Mama Has PMS

When Mama is feeling moody, we are all going down. 

I felt fat, and ugly and EMOTIONAL.  It’s been a rough week.

On top of this, none of my clothes seemed to fit right, the kitchen was a mess and it looks like all 101 Dalmatians took a crap in my backyard.  (Spring in Canada means melty poo is found after a winter of hiding under a pristine layer of white.  It’s not pretty and it does not smell good.)

As I was trying to decide how I was going to bribe my Hubby to get out there with a shovel and a Hefty bag, this was when BlueEyed girl decided to pick the 13th fight with her younger sister in an hour. This was not a good decision. 

Yelling happened.
Crying happened.
Stomping feet and slamming doors happened.

Then after about 100 deep breaths.  Apologies happened.

At least I had the smarts to march myself up stairs, tell my baby I was sorry, that she had become victim to my short fuse.   That this really was about me, and what I had going on not about her perfect little self.  Then what happened?  She apologised to me! 

What?  Yep, that little pre-teen threw me a curve ball and shouldered some of the responsibility for the number of fights she had been having with her sis.  Huh.  Maybe I am getting some of this parenting stuff right!

This my friends, is what is really going on in the suburbs.

Look What My Kids Did Yesterday

 

Look at what my kids did yesterday!  Snow Angels!!  Seriously.  I’m a good Canadian girl and these wee angels are cute and all, but I truly hope we have seen the last snow angel of the year.  Good grief..enough already.

 

*If you are hiding from Mother Nature, feel free to enter this cute giveaway for $50 worth of Calypso Jewelery!  Ends Friday.

Calypso Studios Giveaway!

Ready to do some shopping?  Let me introduce you to Calypso Studios Inc.  Since January 2007 Calypso Studios has been creating a unique line of jewelry and accessories made from the earth’s natural elements.  With the weather up here in Canada once again taking a dip towards the cold and snowy, I was excited when my box of breezy colourful and comfortable styles of Calypso jewelry arrived on the front step!  The attention to detail and laid back style had me longing for the long lost days of summer.

Calypso Studios Inc. offers a beautiful assortment of Wrap Bracelets, Comfort Crosses, Re-Usable Totes and Fashion Jewelry!  Fashion forward pieces at very reasonable prices!

Here are just a few of my favourites.  To start, these two fabulous stretchy rings!  Chunky and fun.

Then these “Wrap Bracelets” with so many to chose from you will certainly be able to find one to fit your style. 

Calypso Studios Inc. also has a dizzying array of necklaces made from some of the earth’s natural elements of shell, glass and clay. 

Must not forget the Re-Usable Totes!  Sold in packages of three for only $20.00! Love the fun animal prints shown here, so much more fun then the drab green bags I’ve been carting around town. 

         

This is one of the handcrafted clay holding crosses, created for cradling in the palm of one's hand.  In comes in a variety of colours and patterns as well as a key fob!

 

Now onto some great news. The generous people of Calypso Studios Inc have generously offered to give one lucky reader of How To Survive Life In The Suburbs a Gift Certificate redeemable for $50.00 worth of their product! 

I’m thinking a necklace,two rings, and for sure a bracelet! Woo Hoo!  What a great GIVEAWAY!!

Want to know how to enter?  Of course you do!

Canadians and United States Residents Welcome!  You must leave me a valid e-mail address.

Mandatory Entry:

Pop over to Caypso Studios Facebook page and like them.  Tell them ModernMom sent you, then head on back here and tell me you did!  That’s it!

Four extra ways to enter!

1) Follow me SassyModernMom and give this giveaway a tweet! Just one tweet total please. If you wish you may cut and paste:

Win a $50 GC to Calypso Studios Jewelry! Visit How to Survive Life In The Suburbs 4 details! #Giveaway @SassyModernMom http://bit.ly/eeLFWp

2) Follow me publicly, or tell me that you already do.

3) Follow my facebook fan page. Please! Again, tell me that you do.

4) Add my super cute button to your beautiful blog page. Come back and tell me where I can find it.

Best of luck to all who enter.

Again, PLEASE…leave separate comments for each entry and make sure I can contact you!! Thanks!

Contest is open to residents of Canada and US and closes Friday April 1st. The winner will have 72 hours to respond or a new winner will be drawn.

Disclosure: I was provided with product in order to give my own personal opinions. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were not influenced by the company or the product provided.

South Beaching It

Sadly not the actual beach…the diet.  Kind of. Except for the part where I cheat on it.  Constantly.

I’m eating egg whites and peppers.  I want a big fat chocolate chip muffin.

I’m snacking on celery.  What cruel God created celery? What I want is freshly baked cookies and coffee with cream.

I’m choking down enough green salad to choke a horse.  I want a big fat juicy burger with a side of greasy fries and mayo to dip them in.

For dinner it’s a chicken breast, goat cheese, tomato and asparagus.  Should be more then enough but I’m still obsessing about the damn cookie.

Starting the south beach diet today seemed like a great idea last night, but right about now I would trade my favourite pair of shoes for a bowl of popcorn and a coke. 

Sigh.  I hate skinny people and the creators of all thing chocolate.

Screw it.  I’m eating a cookie.

If you have any great South Beach Diet tips feel free to pass them along.  I have the feeling I’m going to need all the help I can get.

Mwah!

My List Of Grievances

Maybe it’s because I’m suffering from a raging case of PMS, but lately, a whole bunch of people have been Ticking Me Off!!

1) The Stuck Up Mama at the Kiss N’ Ride DROP OFF who PARKS her car.  Hello?  It is drop off only!  Who do you think you are that you can mess up the works for the rest of the entire school by parking you snotty little self in the no parking zone creating a traffic jam equivalent to rush hour.  MOVE already.

2) The self important man at the Starbucks drive thru ordering EIGHT coffee’s??  Seriously dude EIGHT?  The rest of us are getting one or two!  Park you car, go inside and place your order.  You just know one of those eight coffee’s is going to get lost in translation through the crackly speaker anyway.  Plus the drive-thru line is now out onto the road!  I think there should be a max order of 4 allowed.  Just Saying.

3) At the drive-thru line up at the bank.  I believe it is courteous to do maybe one or perhaps two transactions.  Dude, once you have monopolized the machine for 8 minutes it is time to move along.  For reals.

4) 40 km per hr in a 60.  Gas is on the right.

5) Baby it’s not just Oprah that thinks texting and driving is a bad idea.  Here in Ontario it is the law.  You swerving into my lane….especially when I have my kids in the car…makes me want to stick my head out the window like a dog and yell at you to GET OFF YOUR PHONE, YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.  (but I didn’t, I just shook my head)

Now that I look at my list, I think what I have going on is just a good old fashioned case of road rage.  So if you see a blonde shaking her fist and screaming from inside her SUV, don’t worry it’s just another Suburban Mama who has had it already with the crappy drivers. 

Sex Education Through Humiliation?

While I was hiding at our cabin in the woods we were thrilled to have some good friends come over and join us for dinner.  There was great food, fine wine and fabulous conversation.  There were also a couple of twelve year old girls sitting with us “old” folks at the dinner table. The chat turned to boys and how “disgusting” they are.  We may be old, but we aren’t stupid.  None of us were taking these blushing giggling girls at their words.  Their mouths may have been declaring their complete repulsion of all things male, but those blushing faces were giving away all of their secrets.  Oh dear…

Well you know what wine does?  Makes conversation a lot more frank.  We decided to push the envelope and see where this conversation might go.  The unsuspecting little creatures were peppered with questions.   “Are any of the kids in your class dating yet?  Who has a crush on who? There was a boy/girl party?  Let’s hear about that one!  Did you know that when I was in grade 8, there was a girl in grade 7 who had a baby?” (that shut them up for a moment)  Before I knew it I had blurted out… “Just promise us that before you have sex you come and talk to us first, we will get you on the pill and have a wee chat about condoms too.”  Gulp.  Wine much?  Classy. 

Shrieks of laughter, promises made, and then yes, they were excused from the table leaving the four “adults” behind to discuss how very fast our babies are growing up. 

The next morning as I did the reflection on the nights sex education by humiliation I came to this conclusion.  I did the right thing.  We had an honest, open and fun discussion with my daughter and her girlfriend about sex.  They were not uncomfortable they just thinks all four adults are crazy  and I am fairly certain we avoided any permanent emotional scarring. 

Back in the olden days, when I was growing up, I am pretty sure I never heard the word penis, vagina, period or sex uttered above a whisper.  At least not without extreme blushing and tension.  Tampon commercials were enough to make my folks squirm.  I LOVE my parents, they did an amazing job and I have no complaints, but it’s my job to try and do things my own way right? 

I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking sex is a dirty word, and even though we did it while under the influence of a glass of wine,  I think we took advantage of another teachable moment. 

Tell me, do you jump all over the teachable moments or is sex a dirty word in your house?

In the meantime, Cheers!  A toast to open and honest communication.

Mwah!

I Ran Away

72 hours ago I went downstairs and discovered. Water.

Lots and lots of water.  Water where it should not be.

There might have been some cursing.  Sweet Girl didn’t know Mommies said those words.  Sorry kiddo.

“People” were called. All of these “people”….the plumbers, the restoration men, the insurance guy, they all had bad news.  Every sentence ended with dollar figures.  Big ones.  One condescending jack ass older gentleman kept asking to speak to my Husband instead of me.  Did I step into a time warp?  Is this 1950?  Did he want me to get my Daddy too? 

So I did what any self respecting Mama in the suburbs would do.  I cried a little, then packed my bags, grabbed my kids and ran away to a cabin in the woods.  Take that you leaky piece of crap house. 

I have traded this rug torn out, belongings trashed, destroyed basement, stuffed with ear-splitting de-humidifiers and hepa filters….

 

For this……

My kids are on school break for a week, and I’m hiding up here until Hubby and that old man fix my house!

Hope you all have a fabulous, healthy safe and happy week.

Mwah!  I will miss you!

 

*I wrote this post before the natural disaster occurred in Japan.  My prayers are thoughts are with the people of Japan as well as their families and friends….

Welcome To Debt Consolidation!

Life in the Suburbs….scratch that..life in general can be hard. Financial management is a big factor to living your very best life. Did you know that “half of the American people can’t afford to make their credit card payments on time?” debtconsolidation.com

Do you want to know how to pay off your bills faster? Are you aware that there is more then one kind of bankruptcy? Did you know you can negotiate your credit card debt interest rates? There are tricks to get that debt paid down faster!

When you visit DebtConsolidation.com you will find a wealth of information on credit counselling, debt settlement tools and tips, as well as debt consolidation and other financial and planning services. The site provides a true wealth of information. I know I appreciated just reading that I was indeed taking the right steps to get my credit card paid off faster.

DebtConsolidation has been helping people handle their financial issues for nearly a decade. All the help you need, all the privacy you desire.

I am happy to welcome DebtConsolidation.com to How To Survive Life In The Suburbs.

*Comments off. Please visit their informational site!

Lysol Give Away Winner

  It was my true pleasure to host this giveaway for Lysol!

Thanks to all who entered.

I put all the numbers into the magic random generator and the lucky winner is…… Number  19!

Congratulations to Suzanne who said 19

My son is only 13 months so I haven't had to nag or plead yet since I'm the one washing him. He does clap his hands and get excited though (probably because he knows it's time to play after, haha)

Please contact me at modernmom@rocketmail.com in the next 72 hours with your full mailing address.

Hope you all enjoy your weekend!

*A little note.  My apologies if I seem absent lately.  My house has failed me.  Mother Nature unleashed a torrential rain storm while at the same time let the sun shine just enough to encourage the mountains of snow to melt.  My poor basement could not withstand the onslaught.  She flooded.  Sigh.  I need cute boots.

I’m dealing with renovators, hepa filters, plumbers, insurance agents and all that jazz. Hope to be back soon! 

I’m Still Shaking

I was just about to leave the mall.  Scooting to a back entrance that not many seem to use.  (Love that entrance because it is not very busy back there.)  As I walked by the escalator I glanced up and saw a gray faced lady sitting on the steps as they descended.  Huh?  This isn’t normal.  I hesitated for a moment, took a step back and yelled up.  Are you okay?  She shook her head adamantly.  NO.

I dropped my bags and ran to the bottom of the escalator.  Met her there just in time.  Simultaneously, I began to politely request help from the people who were just walking by.  Walking by?  Screw polite!  HELLO!!! WE NEED HELP.  I began to yell. That got me some attention.

Two old birdies came rushing over to help us.

Between the three “rescuers'” we got the sweet gray faced lady sitting at the bottom of the stairs.  Managed to have her placed so she was not getting sucked in or pushed off those incredibly steep stairs.  This was thanks to some fancy manoeuvring and the quick thinking of someone who hit the emergency stop button. This someone was not me.  *Note to self.  In case of emergency, lift up glass at the end of the escalator,  hit the STOP button. 

Suddenly all those old First Aid skills kicked back in.  I don’t know where they were hiding, but they were not forgotten.  Can you breath?  Can you speak.  Someone needs to get emergency services.  You in the brown sweater.  Get emergency services.  I was a freakin drill sergeant, but remained calm.  Two of us stayed with our victim, rubbed her hands, kept her as calm as possible until help arrived.  To the credit of the Mall, it did not take long.  We were then unceremoniously dismissed.  Gray faced lady perked up a bit, thanked us.  I went on my way. 

As I strode out to my car, that is when my hands started to shake.  What if I hadn’t seen her slumped down on the escalator.  What if that had been my Mom?  What if that had been me?  Why didn’t more people stop to lend a hand?  There was no gory blood, no bad guy, just a sweet senior citizen in need of a little help.

I’m proud to be able to say I did the right thing.  I’m mortified to admit I did it all in SassyModernMom style.  Between tossing my purchases to the side and pulling the sweet little old late from the jaws of death squeaky steps of the escalator to the Mall floor I am pretty sure my low rise pants were flashing a bit of butt crack.  Classy.

Today, I am shamed by the number of citizens in this world who walked by and did not offer a hand, and so thankful for the kindness of strangers.  Today I am glad I could pay it forward.

Tell me. What do you think you would have done, and why aren’t more people willing to get involved?

 

Linky Love: Canadian? There is still time to enter the LYSOL® Healthy Touch® No Touch System Giveaway! Low Entries my friends.

Crushing On Lysol - A Give Away

Don’t judge me. I am in love. You see, I have a problem. With germs. Not in a I have to wear a mask and walk around with rubber gloves in my back pocket kind of way, but in a …I love me some super germ killer cleaners and my girls know first rule when they walk in the house is “Wash your hands”. So, Yes I love my girls, true I adore my Hubby, we all know I have a bit of an addiction to coffee, but my newest crush, my latest dream come true is …..

the New LYSOL® Healthy Touch® No-Touch Hand Soap System.

Sigh. She looks like stainless steel.

Her new fragrance, Aloe Vera & Vitamin E with Moisturizers. Smells kind of cocoa buttery to me. Love it.

I already owned the original LYSOL® Healthy Touch® No Touch System. This one is just a different kind of pretty. Nothing beats being able to take those germy chicken or goo covered hands, stand near the sink and let the No Touch System automatically sense and then dispense just the right amount of soap! It is nothing short of fabulous, and according to the Lysol website the antibacterial hand soap kills 99.9% of bacteria on hands. I have put one in my girls bathroom to encourage them to wash more regularly and with an adequate amount of soap. Besides, it’s fun! The next bathroom to get the New LYSOL® Healthy Touch® No-Touch Hand Soap System will be the Guest Bath. Who wants to share germs with the neighbours and the extra kids that always seem to be hanging around right? Brilliant.

The pretty little starter kit includes a dispenser, one hand soap refill, and four AA batteries.

Need another reason to fall in love with Lysol?

Lysol has made sharing these important healthy living habits for new moms and children its mission. As part of this mission, Lysol has provided some great, free child hand washing resources and information for new mothers and early infant care available on the internet. Take a peek at: From the Canadian Public Health Agency, Taking care of you and your baby and the Canadian Institute for Child Health.

On to some more good news. Thanks to the generous people of Lysol I have one of these fabulous systems to give away to one lucky Canadian Reader!

Want to know how to enter? Of course you do.

It’s easy. Canadians only for this one and you must leave me a valid e-mail address.

Mandatory Entry:

Tell me, how do you encourage your kids to wash their hands? (I nag, plead, and even praise!)

Five extra ways to enter!

1) Like LYSOL® on their facebook page.

2) Follow me SassyModernMom and give this giveaway a tweet! Just one tweet total please. You may cut and paste:

Canadians! Win the New LYSOL® Healthy Touch® No-Touch Hand Soap System @SassyModernMom #Giveaway! http://bit.ly/gBHBGH

3) Follow me publicly, or tell me that you already do, that is an extra entry!

4) Follow my facebook fan page. Please! Again, tell me that you do.

5) Add my super cute button to your beautiful blog page. Come back and tell me where I can find it.

Best of luck to all who enter.

Again, PLEASE…leave separate comments for each entry and make sure I can contact you!! Thanks!

Contest is open to residents of Canada and closes Friday March 11th. The winner will have 72 hours to respond or a new winner will be drawn.

Disclosure: I was provided with the above mentioned product in order to give my own personal opinions. The opinions I have given are mine and may differ from others but were not influenced by the company or the product provided.

*now closed

Hot Guys Shouldn’t

There are a few things that can take a guy from “hot” to “not” in an instant.  The older I get the more repelled I become by these hot guy wanna be’s walking around in my space!  I’m happily married, all I have is my hot Hubby at home and the odd glimpse I catch of hotness from the outside world.  So I ask you. 

Don’t hot guys know they shouldn’t…

Chew with their mouths open.

Ever say “How YOU doin…”

Smoke. (this may be a personal preference but ewwww)

Wear a Scooby Doo bandage….okay wait, unless he is SUPER hot, then maybe he can pull it off.  Yeah, I take this one back.

Let the world know the size of his ummm package by wearing his shorts as tight as those infamous tighty whities. 

Ignore the dentist. Chronic halitosis is not attractive. I don’t want to smell your breath from 5 feet away.  It ruins the hot.

Pass gas in public.  Not sexy.

Be a close talker!  If I don’t invite you into my space, keep out of it. 

Drive angry. Seriously. Rude is so not hot. 

Talk on your cell phone in line at the Stabucks like you are the only person in the room.  Ug  Egocentric much?

Seriously guys, this old married woman is begging you.  Give yourself a little thought…it can not be this hard to maintain the hot!

 

Update!  I'm in a contest to win a sponsorship to BlissdomCanada from Ddrops but really need your votes!  I have made the top 8, but need to make the top 4.  If you have a moment I would love it if you would leave a comment saying you vote for # 10 here.  Thanks:)