Quickest Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

I often see articles in magazines or posted on line that claim they have the best advice for how to strengthen, protect or even save your marriage.  You know what I don’t see?  Stronger worded advice, words to the idiots, a nice bullet pointed list for the fools of the best and fastest ways to destroy a marriage. Now I’m not talking about the big time stuff like acquiring a drinking problem, gambling the family money away or stepping out on your spouse.  Every person should be smart enough to know to avoid those pitfalls.  I’m talking about the everyday little habits that will eventually drive your partner down the hall to the spare bedroom…. never to return again!

So here it goes, my list of grievances things not to do:

*Enough with the snoring already.  A tired wife is a bitchy wife.  He may say he can’t help it, I say, whatever.  Learn to roll onto your side without me kicking you in the back.  Another tip for the Hubby, after you have gone drinking with the boys, drag your ass down the hall to the spare bedroom to sleep so I don’t have to!  I can’t listen to that “bulldozer/chainsaw stuck inside a plastic tube noise” ALL NIGHT LONG anymore!

*Put caps back on things.  On toothpaste, on ketchup, on mayo.  Caps. Back. On.  Thanks.

*The bathroom.  It may not be your “job”, but how did it become mine?  Take a turn cleaning the toilet and the shower once in a while.  We hate cleaning stray pubes too.

*You know that basket looking thing in the bathroom? Guess what, it’s not for flowers, it’s for dirty clothes! Gasp.

*When the toilet paper runs out…please, put another roll on.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I prefer not to have to choose between drip dry and Glamour Magazine.

*When you come in the house your whole family is thrilled to see you.  Even the spazzy cat comes to say hello.  I’d be even happier to see you if you didn’t leave your shoes in the middle of the hall. Tripping on them, not fun.  Just Saying.

In Defence of ModernDad, he brings me coffee without being asked, takes his share of carpool, and makes dinner more often then I do.  I know I’m a lucky lucky girl…but I’m still allowed my list of grievances. 

Sigh.  Much better to get it off your chest helps!  Throwing in the odd curse.  Totally optional.  So go ahead, tell me, what’s on your list of grievances today?  Maybe we can make a big old list for all the refrigerators in the Suburbs. 



Comments

  1. Mine is laundry. Just like the bathroom. There is no laundry fairy that takes care of cleaning all the clothes in the house. I do it. Not sure how it became my responsibility, but I apparantly have a lower tolerance for the big, stinky piles. So, if you see a pile, put it in the washer. If you see the washer is done, put it in the dryer. If the dryer is done, fold those clothes. It is that simple. Afraid you’ll mess up my clothes? Just clean yours..or yours and the kids. I’m cool with that.

  2. The shoes in the hallway drive me crazy!! Also, just because you are nice enough to make a repair somewhere in the house, please do not leave the tools, etc. you used all over the place. Not my job!

  3. You know all about my toilet paper roll story! Don’t even get me started…Ugg…

    My husband does not know how to throw ANYTHING away. Nothing! Strings of dental floss to be reused -yes, gross, I know – socks with holes, hell, underwear with holes, etc…NOTHING! He even digs crap out of the garbage I throw away!

    Empty containers he puts back in the refrigerator/cupboard. Huh???

    His work-out clothes he piles in the garage until the pile is really big (would never want to do a “small” load of wash). He always says he’ll take care of it, but guess what? It’s always me carrying those wet, stinky clothes into the laundry room. I seriously need to bleach my arm afterwards!

    I am sure to break an ankle on one of his shoes. Pairs all over the laundry room/mud room.

    I could go on, you know!

  4. Hahaa! Can we add the following? Squeezes toothpaste from the center of the tube. Never rinses out the sink. Puts all the dishes in the wrong place when he unloads the dishwasher. Refuses to close the shower curtain. Has never scrubbed a toilet in his life. Has eleventy billion half empty glasses on the night stand.

    I could seriously go on, but we’ve got to love them right?

  5. LOL the snoring is our big issue. When he was growing up he used to wake his sister up….from a floor away and through 2 closed doors. Nuff said.
    When he goes out w the boys though he does take the couch or guest bedroom bc he knows it will be worse than normal (*most of the time, we did have a t-rex sneaking moment one night not too long ago — him “sneaking” down the hall back to our bedroom with his arms tucked up to his chest like a cartoon character or t-rex arms as I call them)

  6. oh i am in so much trouble…lol…err…

  7. If you take a purchase out of the packaging, do not leave it there. Throw it away.

  8. Invest in Breathe Right strips. I think we have stock in them!

  9. I love it how mine can’t aim in to the large water hole in the bathroom floor but rather pee’s every where else but inside the designated hole! Drives me nutty bananas! And then I have to clean the crusty pee of the toilet, really? Gross!

  10. Buy a Snore Guard. It may save your marriage and a good nights sleep for both of you.

  11. I want to meet the person (man) who invented snoring in the first place!!!! Ughhhh.

    Mine is: You LOVE to cook and eat bacon on Sunday mornings. YOU HATE to clean it up. AND SO DO I.
    Not buying it anymore. 🙂

  12. this reminds me of a conversation i had with my best friend years ago when i was in a marriage rut. we fought, and yelled, it was a mess. i remember asking her “when is enough enough? how long do i stay?” her answer “just shy of murder” i loved that, ha ha. OK i know that’s not nice, but it put things into perspective for me. a good marriage, no matter how hard was worth fighting for through all the BS, “just shy of murder” 🙂

    just thought i’d share a story

  13. I was thinking about this very seriously and then I remembered this http://kelloggsville.blogspot.com/2010/02/5-top-tips-to-chip-away-at-your-marital.html

    I know it’s old but it answers the question about what are my bugbears. And I get tea in bed etc, but like you say, better off your chest on a blog than a constant nag at home. I once did a toilet roll changing post too, I guess that was my top irritation that day LOL!

  14. This is the WRONG day to ask because since Saturday I’ve gone from being irritated to downright mad at mine!

    So instead of the whole long list of everything he has ever done in his whole life, I’ll say this…

    How come I am the ONLY person who is in charge of worrying about all the school related stuff? I mean seriously? Especially since he’s been out of work. When he was working I could kind of roll with it – but now?! Fill out some of the mountains of forms, buy some supplies, get the kid the suit he needs, figure out where we need to be regarding college, scholarships, etc.

    Oh, but he cooks dinner every night. So, I guess that keeps him too busy for the rest of it.

    *Whew* I kinda needed that. Thanks.

  15. I’d also add taking a turn with the vacuum and putting your cup in the sink.

  16. Amen mama!!!!!

  17. Where do I start?? Oh, here;

    Put it where it belongs!!

    – That gallon of milk you just finished? It goes IN THE RECYCLE BIN, not on the counter beside the fridge.

    – When the trash/recycle is full? EMPTY IT.

    – Dirty clothes? HAMPER.

    Thanks, I feel better now.

  18. So true…so true…

  19. Yeah, the pubes are a big thing with me too. And when the garbage is full, empty it!!

  20. Trash goes IN the trash can, not on the floor NEXT to the trash can!

  21. How about when you tell him about 5 times in a row where the kids need to be picked up and he shows up at the in-laws instead of school….and the snoring for sure puts the icing on the cake!

  22. Haha, you’re funny! I loved the bathroom one about the pubes. Hilarious!!!

  23. This is one of the things I love most about you. You can find the wittiest things to say to turn an otherwise sour topic into something funny.

  24. The snoring thing- it drives me crazy. I kick Hubs.

  25. I love that I did not marry a rash man. I know he’s going to think his way carefully through every decision, which has saved us a lot of heartache. (And I know he carefully thought his way through to marrying me and will not go back on it).

    Howeva! Sometimes a little fire under the butt would be nice.

  26. Oh girl, you just made me mad again about all that goes on over here!

  27. the snoring….the shoes…yeah, all of it.

  28. How about make sure your clothes aren’t inside out before you throw them in the hamper!?!

  29. My husband is very neat, he does snore from time to time but I do too! He will never ever close the front hall closet when he gets a jacket out. What up with that?
    Great list!

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