How To Rev Up Your Sex Life

 

 

Send your man to the race track.  To drive! 

He gets the rush from the speed, You get it when Hot Hubby suits up!

Win. Win.

I loved Florida.

 

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Perfectly Good Reasons To Say No To Diets

When I’m carrying around that extra 5 pounds…err Okay 8 pounds, my boobs look great.  I actually have boobs!  Why when you drop a couple of pounds are the boobs always the first to go?

When I am eating whatever I want I have convinced myself I sleep better.  Why?  Cause I have had my “tensies”.  You know…10ses  I don’t know how to spell it, but I know what it is.  That fabulous meal of snackage between dinner and breakfast.  Keeps the tummy full all through the night and I sleep like a baby. 

If I say “NO to Diets” then I can say “YES” to Chocolate Cake, Specialty Coffees, Pasta, Potatoes and Popcorn. These things make me happy.  It’s a simple joy.

Not dieting.  Not weighing myself.  Saving much unneeded wear and tear on that fairly fancy new scale that mocks me from the bathroom floor.  That is kind of like “conserving” right?  So I am doing right by the environment. 

The number 1 reason to Say “No to Diets”.  This Sassy Mamma, becomes a candy craving carb deprived diva, and then it is all too easy to unleash the cranky sourpuss that dwells beneath!

Ahh, I think that is enough justification for today.

Healthy eating can wait one more week.  At least until I eat all the Easter Candy that is coming our way!

Mwah!

Can you spare a click for me? Top Mommy Blogs have been reset. Thanks!

*Photo credit cakes-rising.com

Revelations From My Vacation

*View of Reunion Resort Kissimmee Florida out our window

Not to perpetuate the stereotypes, but it’s easy to spot a Canadian in Florida on March Break.  We are wearing shorts and smell like a coconut breeze, all shiny with sunscreen.  Everyone else, pants, jackets and even tooks! (that’s a hat eh?)

It takes a minimum of 4 days before I can put away the Visine and under eye concealer.  Black circles be gone.

I feel better, healthier, dare I say sexier with a tan!

I always pack too many pairs of shorts, never enough warm cozy stretchy eatin pants!

Daddy is way more fun then me on a two week vacation.  He plays Monkey in the Middle until his arms hurt, never tires of video games, and always says yes to junk food.  I push veggies and fruit, remind my wee one’s that it is bedtime and insist on sunscreen and even clean underwear.  Bad Mommy. 

Life without alarm clocks is surprisingly liberating!

Only in Orlando does it seem reasonable to pay $48.00 US dollars for a family of four to play mini-golf.

The world seems a happier more peaceful place when you are sitting in a hot tub, sharing a cocktail and searching for the big dipper.  Hot tubs are part magic!

Two weeks can feel like two days when you are with the ones you love.  When you are where you are supposed to be.

Only 11 more months until the next March break.  Sigh.

 

 

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The Tooth Fairy Is Dead!

What!  Oh Honey, no of course the tooth fairy is not dead.  Don’t be silly!  Why would someone write that? It’s just to grab your attention, they want you to do a better job brushing your teeth. So go.  Quick like a bunny.  Run along now.

Ok. Little ones out of the room, no one reading over your shoulder? Good, because…..

 

 

The Tooth Fairy is Dead!

My SweetGirl a mere 8 years old managed to lose a tooth while in between jumps into the pool in Florida.   That baby was ripe and ready to go. 

When bedtime approached the regular Tooth Fairy protocol was followed.  Tooth is placed in a glass of water beside the bed with the expectation that in the morning in it’s place will be some bright shiny coins.  Now don’t ask me why in our house the teeth go into a glass of water instead of under the pillow. That is the way I did it as a kid and the tradition carried on.  I’m thankful my Tooth Fairy went for the glass of water routine instead of the under the pillow scenario.  Good grief.  What parent in their right mind wants the anxiety of having to search under their kids pillow in the middle of the night for a freakin tooth the size of a niblet of corn.  Not to mention the extreme YUCK factor! Seriously.  A piece of your kid fell out of their head.  Shiver.   Sometimes it’s got some rooty things attached, there is almost always some blood.  Ug.  So, I don’t like the teeth, we go with the water thank you very much.  But I digress.

When my 6’1’’ Tooth Fairy went to do his job (yes it is almost always a Daddy job if I can arrange it..me and teeth…uck) instead of coming back downstairs with a baby pearly white, he comes down with a look of bewilderment and joy? In his hand, a note. 

It reads:

Dear Toothfairy

It is a very funny story how my tooth came out.  I jumped out of the pool and the tooth popped out into my Dad’s hand. I have a question.  How is it that you can find me in Florida?  I find this very suspisious.  Write back Please.

SweetGirl 

So what did we do?  Discuss, disguise our handwriting and we wrote back.

The next morning we were all kinds of curious to see what our daughters reaction would be!  They said nothing.  Finally I caved and asked, “SO…what did the Tooth Fairy bring you?”

The response. 

“Mom. we are NOT toddlers anymore, the Tooth Fairy’s writing is just like Dad’s.”

With that one little sentence, the Tooth Fairy died.

Sigh.

Why is it that I am having a harder time with this death then my girls?  They seem to be taking great joy in the fact that they have solved a mystery. Figured out an adult secret. I guess I should be relieved. I have always been so torn about the lying we do verses the joy they get from such things.  My biggest worry.  Easter is just around the corner.  Does the big fuzzy bunny get the bloody axe next?  Oh and Santa..what of poor Santa Claus?  Sigh.  Maybe I should have had more kids. 

Theme Park Parenting Fails

I’m back!  We are tired and happy. Back to the real world of carpool and homework, laundry and “What’s for dinner?”  So much to do, so much to tell.  Where to start?  With my thoughts on some shocking parenting behaviour!

I know taking your beloved babes to the Theme Parks of Orlando Florida can prove to be stressful.  What with the crowds and all the “I want ice creams”, “I’m tireds”,“I want on THAT ride now” “Get me off this scary ride now” and general whining going on.  Here is the thing.  We are the parents.  We are the ones who are expected to step up, grab a map, create a plan of action, have snacks on hand for the “hungrys” that attack.  Figure out when to say “No” and when to cave to the demands of our wee folk.  We may also need to dig deep if this memory making day hits a few bumps!  Tap those reserves of patience and kindness, find what is needed to get our babies through the stressful, exciting, emotional roller coaster of a day that is the Theme Park experience.

Above all, we must avoid these parenting fails that made me shake my head and chomp on my tongue to keep quiet on my foray through the Theme Parks this week:

When your two year old toddler falls down in her bathing suit and scrapes both of her knees and cuts her palms.  Your reaction should never be “Of course it’s gonna hurt you cry baby.”   Are you kidding me?  Perhaps take her off her way short leash, then she would not trip every time you raise your arm to point at something new!  Parent fail!

Seventeen? year old Mama in ripped up cut offs and tank top super preggers with baby number two and constantly readjusting your hair, pulling down your shorts to umm cover your cheeks and checking your makeup, not that I am judging, you self involved tart.  An 8 month old baby gets NO nutritional value from that Orange Crush Soda you just poured in her bottle!  Parent fail.

Sir, your little boy is clearly exhausted and terrified of Shrek in 4-D. 

Shrek is a big boy!  In this Momma’s humble opinion, telling him to “Suck it Up”.  Not Okay.  Ever. Parent fail.

...and the timeless classic seen in every theme park in the Orlando area…

Wheel chair fakers.  You know, the family that pretends they are in need of a wheel chair, so they go sign one out?  Now they can cut to the front of every line.  News flash, we are on to you!  It is a dead giveaway when your kid is utilizing the wheelchair as you approach the Superman ride but when we see you again at the Hulk rollercoaster Mom is taking a turn! 

What exactly do you think you are teaching your impressionable young children?  Spiderman would be disappointed with you.  Parent fail.

I would never pretend I am perfect, in fact my kids faces may hurt from being repeatedly asked to smile for the camera for the past two weeks, but I also know I did my job!!  Those smiling exhausted kids tucked snug in their beds tonight are happy and content, we all enjoyed ourselves and my two girls did not suffer any major Parent Fails.  Can’t wait until next year!

Potty for the Privileged?

Seriously?  An outhouse here in Florida strictly for the V.I.P.

Now I have seen everything!

TMI ~ 25 Things

Okay, so I don’t want you to forget me when I’m gone!

So here is a post from way back when. All about me!

25 Things? Really?

There is this new craze going around on facebook. You are asked to open up your heart and dump out 25 things about yourself that your friends don't know. So I sat down with my pen and paper and started writing. What would be on my list? What do I want to share with my friends and my "friends"...you know..the people who sent you that little "add me" and for a second you thought cool! I have not talked to you in years! Or that's nice that the people who work for my husband think I'm a friend. But this has screwed me! I can't pour my heart out to these people! What if I reveal too much? Not enough? What if they show their friends? What if my life comes off as boring? I found I was sensoring my list! Forget it. So..instead I will put it on this blog where probably no one will read it anyway, and if they do....it will be someone just like me. Someone not judging, just sharing and trying to get the most out of each day. On that note..for what it is worth...my 25 Things.
1. My husband is my best friend and I thank god for him everyday.
2. My children are my true joy.
3. I prefer quiet evenings at home over just about anything else.
4. I dream of seeing Paris and the countryside of Italy, and fear it won't happen until we are old and grey.
5. When I'm quiet, or come off as standoffish, it's probably because the pain in my head is silently killing me. Migraines baby. It's not you! Please don't take it personally.
6. I'm truly grateful for my friends and would do anything for them. True friendship is so rare.
7. I do not easily let people in.
8. I desire to, need to, find a way to give back to the world. Odd charity work here and there is great, but I don't think I have paid it forward just yet. I will.
9. I am amazed at how strong women can be. My girlfriends, their lives, stories, triumphs and struggles continue to inspire me every day.
10. I have been bullied.
11. I have had my heart broken.
12. I love to peek in on my children when they are sleeping. You can still catch a glimpse of the babies they used to be.
13. If I could only eat one snack food for the rest of my life it would be popcorn!
14. I wish the school week was only 4 days long so I could have more time with my children. There are not enough hours in the week let alone the day.
15. I am trying to cherish the moment.
16. I am a worrier....about pretty much everything. I need to learn to let it go.........
17. I am a crier. I cry when I'm sad, when I'm happy, proud or even at a really good American Express Commercial! I think being pregnant messed with my hormones!
18. I am truly disgusted with how mean little girls can be. High school like behaviour is showing up in the primary grades. Do unto others, respect, love...not gossip, and bully please! Us girls have to stick together!
19. I am a bit of germ a phob! (okay..maybe a lot) I do not appreciate it when people send their sick kids to school, or give me a hug and tell me they have had the flu all week! Eww. Keep your germs to yourself please!
20. Some of my favourite memories growing up as a kid are at our cottage are with no TV, no computer or phone. Just boats, canoes, swings and fishing. My beautiful sister, my family for entertainment. I hope I am making great memories for my kids.
21. I truly understand the value of good health.
22. I cherish our family vacations, love planning vacations, and start countdowns to them ridiculously early.
23. I value truth and honesty. It is not always easy to be honest!
24. I hate the dentist. HATE!! It is irrational...but true.
25. I am blessed, or perhaps I should say my girls are blessed to have my hubby as their Daddy. He loves them with his whole heart and is an equal partner in this adventure we call parenting.
~Ok so ..that was kind of therapeutic :)

Thanks for listening!

CSN Winner!

A big thank you to all who entered the fabulous giveaway courtesy of CSN Stores.  The winner pulled by Random.org is number 12!

Congrats to Tinika who said...

“I voted for you at Top Mom Blogs!”

You lucky girl!  You now have the choice of this beautiful laptop bag OR a fabulous $40.00 shopping spree! Woo Hoo

Congratulations!

Thanks to all who entered.

Have a beautiful weekend!

Mwah

WTH?

Giant birds outside my back door!  Florida is amazing:)

I’m pretty sure these big babies would have let me pet them, but I have a rule, I do not touch birds that are taller then my first born child.

Actually, I just don’t touch birds, they kinda freak me out! They could peck your eye balls out!

Anyway, anyone know what kind of pretty this is?

Must head back to the pool.

National Geographic Photographer OUT!

Mwah!

Always Lock Your Bedroom Door

Mommy and Daddy. What are you doing?

What is that scary noise coming from your bedroom when I am trying to sleep?

How come you are allowed to wrestle in your bedroom and I’m not?

Why are you laughing so hard?

Can I play?

Nuff said.

If you want to survive life in the Suburbs, lock your bedroom door.

Cause let me tell you, these my friends, are 5 questions you just would rather not answer!

Ha!

Clearly Hubby and I need a vacation . We did take the kids!

Fled the country for two weeks in search of sun. Don’t forget me! I’ll be back soon!

Need something to do while I’m gone? Top Mommy Blogs have been reset! A fabulous holiday gift to me, give me a click? Please? Thanks so much! Just click the badge to the right that looks like the one below gives me a much needed vote!

You can also enter my latest Friday Giveaway, a shopping spree, sponsored by CSN!

See you in two weeks!

Shopping Spree! Giveaway from CSN Stores

Time to go exploring at CSN Stores. Barstools, housewares, home decor, toys, luggage, shoes, bags…the list goes on and on!

Shopping and shipping. Straight forward and oh so easy.

CSN Stores offers an incomparable selection, a trained service team, and prices that won't be beat! From beds and desks to TV mounts, we can furnish your entire home, business, or school, and you can shop at all of our stores with one cart!

The selection and quality of product at CSN Stores will astound you! I am thrilled that today I have the opportunity to host a giveaway from this great on-line store.

Oh baby, do you love your laptop. Do you love purses and bags. How about combining the two?

Check out this sweet little number! The perfect piece of pretty to protect those unpublished posts!

Features:

• Available in Olive
• Signature Mango Tango lining
• Inside elastic holds laptop securely in place
• Multiple inside pockets make organization a breeze
• Inside key fob
• Please measure your laptop and compare with INSIDE DIMENSIONS to insure proper fit!
• Diagonal dimension: 18.25"
• Inside dimensions: 11"H x 13"W x 3.75"D
• Outside dimensions: 12"H x 13.5"W x 4"D

So gorgeous, but not quite what you need? Not to worry. You can have your choice! Either this beautiful Mango Tango bag OR a $40.00 shopping spree at the CSN stores!

I dare you to take a look and see all the wonderful things you could buy. Simply beautiful stools, Rachel Ray Pans, adorable baby blankets to name just a few!

Oh wait, I’m not done! Look what else I found for under $4o.00! These lovely tiered baskets that would be the perfect accessory in any bathroom, warm boots for your feet, and a gorgeous wine rack too.

How to Enter:

Mandatory Entry:

Visit CSN Stores and come back and leave me a comment telling me what you would buy if you won your very own shopping spree. You know you want to! Make sure your choices are different then mine.

Easy Extra Entry’s: Please leave separate comments for each!

1. Follow me publicly on Google or tell me you already do.

2. Follow me on Twitter @SassyModernMom or tell me that you already do, and give this giveaway a tweet.

3. Give me a new Vote at "Top Mommy Blogger" by following the link at the top of the page. It looks like this:

Just giving the badge over there a click gives me a vote. (Don’t worry I’ll know if you voted cause my number will creep up)

You can do this once a day all week, then come on back and tell me you did!

4. Grab my button! It’s cute eh? Tell me where you put it, I love to visit!

5. Follow my blog on facebook too! Network Blogs.

6. Blog about this give away and copy me the link. Earn yourself 3 extra entries! (this means you have to comment 3 times!)

Again, PLEASE…leave separate comments for each entry and make sure I can contact you!! Leave me a valid e-mail address!

Contest is open residents of U.S and Canada and closes Friday March 12th.

The winner will be picked by Random.org

Good Luck!

We have a winner! Thanks:)

* I received product for the sole purpose of reviewing. No monetary compensation was given for this post. The opinions in this post are my honest opinions and have not been influenced by the reception of said product.

Winner-Get Financially Naked

The Winner of “Get Financially Naked How To Talk Money with your honey” is number 19!

Congratulations to Heather!

Heather said...

Blogged!
#2
http://vintagefabulous.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-to-survive-life-in-suburbs-get.html

Thanks to all who entered!

Mwah!

My BFF is Buying Boobs!

This is a phone call you don’t get everyday!

“Hey girlfriend, what’s new?”
”I’m getting new Boobs on Monday.”

What the #@((???

My 5’9’’ 125 lb hottie girlfriend is spending in excess of six thousand dollars on “enhancements”.

Six.Thousand.Dollars.

What goes through your mind when you hear something like this?

Well, I’ll tell you what races through mine!

Huh?

Your doing what?

For fun, not because you have to?

I can spend a week in the Caribbean for that. 

That’s hardwood floors….bamboo even.

Oh ..my aching back.  Won’t giant boobies hurt your wee back. 

What happens when you are 90 years old and still rocking the rack?

Do you still wear bar shirts?  Do they sell Granny bar shirts?

What if you want more kids?  These enhancements, can they still be umm working boobies? 

We are not talking about little wee boobs, we are talking about stripper boobs!

LOL Damn, your going to look gooood.

Can I have your old shirts?

I’m thinking your Hubby is going to be happy.

You know what sweetie, you are going for what you want, for that you are all kinds of brave.

It’s not for me, but good for you.

Can I touch em?  lol.  Actually, no thanks.  :)

Wordless Wednesday- Winter Driving!

Oh yes, winter driving in Canada. Looks like fun eh?

One more week of this and then I am escaping to Florida!