Sh*t or get out of the Bathroom

This weekend I hosted a charity event. Have you ever heard the saying, “If you want something done right, do it yourself”? Well, with the exception of 1 or 2 other courageous women jumping in to save me at the end ….this event ended up being a one woman show. That’s okay, I can handle the pressure, the stress, the lack of sleep….all I need is my good friend Mr Starbucks. Starbucks

Over the course of the last three days I have consumed more then my share of Starbucks, Tim Hortons and home brewed coffee then I care to admit. Between the coffee, and the less then stellar eating (cause you know that every good Mama/Event Planner puts herself dead last), let’s just say the stomach is not in the best of shape. I think my body has gone into a bit of survival mode. The good news is, I think I dropped a couple of pounds!

The day of my event arrives. All my ducks are in a row. I have spent the last 35 minutes running around with my shoes in one hand cause I don’t run so well in three inch stilettos and just one more coffee in the other.

As the doors open, I am the picture of calm and collected. Or at least I think I am. I smile and greet, sell and promote. Do my job as best I can. Dinner hour arrives, only 30 minutes late, and finally I get to sit down to a real meal. I chatted and laughed and ate like there was no tomorrow. Made up for lost meals. My belly. She was not impressed. Apparently the body that had been put on starvation mode didn’t quite know what to do with the sudden influx of steak and butter soaked lobster.

Rumble. Rumble.

Crap.

Literally.

I was going to have to ummmm use the facilities.

Talked myself out of it as long as possible, cause I am one of those girls who does not want to take her private business to a public location. Unfortunately, I was entering into the “cold sweat” territory. This visit to the ladies room was not going to be able to be avoided.

Excused myself and off I went.

As I entered the “Ladies” I was hoping to find I was alone. Perhaps I would be okay? Uh nope. A crowd of four was in there washing up. No problem, I could wait them out. How long can it possibly take four women to touch up their make-up and get back to the hall? Apparently a LONG TIME.

Girls…this is my plea to you. When you go into the ladies washroom. Just get in, do your thing, and get the heck out! Do not stand around in the washroom talking about how your metabolism is slowing down, how you need to eat more protein, that almonds are your new favourite snack, and you really need to drink more water! This is not a place for a casual conversation!!! There might be some poor girl in the stall with a terrible case of stage fright and the worst stomach cramp. For the love of all that is good in this world…take your conversation elsewhere!

I will not stoop so low as to divulge the rest of the events of my bathroom experience. Let’s just say..I survived and will be treating my body with a little more respect this week.

Blush.

My new thought. Bathroom chatters should be automatically ejected from all events. Just Sayin.



Comments

  1. I totally agree! This kind of sh%t should be a felony. Its almost as bad as blocking an aisle at the grocery store to catch up on gossip.

  2. Yep…been there.

    In the stall…trying to hold back until the chatters leave. Of course they don’t and you can’t wait forever so there you are with you face burried in your hands hoping they at least have the decency to leave before you emerge from the stall.

  3. you’re right! washroom is not the place for casual conversation, it should serve its purpose.
    and if they witness or heard your “business” there, you can expect tem to say- YUck! eww!

    so how’s your tummy now?

  4. Well, all I can say is that at least you made it to the bathroom before….well you know….

  5. You make me laugh! HAPPY MONDAY!

  6. Sorry, I can’t stop laughing. Thanks for a Monday morning giggle!

  7. Been there, done that. I don’t like public restrooms either…especially for this reason. Glad you survived!

  8. laughing here and yeah lots of coffee keeps me regular too…just saying lol.

  9. i know right.. right????

    not to be TOO vulgar.. but i uh.. you know quite a bit more than the normal person… and i HAVE terrible stage fright… put those two together and it’s NEVER EVER good when it happens to public..

    no lie.. i’ve been known to make hubs stand at the door.. and not let anyone in… haha!! he’s so sweet.. cause HE DOES IT!!!

  10. Oh Mama! I have BTDT! Kick the chatters out of the loo!!! (But I admit, until you are in the ahem position you were you would never understand)

  11. Oh, man, I can relate! I have stomach issues, so watch out!

  12. Or what about when you think your are just gonna pass a lil quiet gas in there and the loudest most offensive sound ever escapes your body and you have to wait for everyone to leave before you come out and reveal your identity.

  13. LOL great way to start a Monday morning…

  14. YES! Bathrooms are not for camping out; they’re for cramping out.

  15. This is so true! It’s the most awkward thing ever! 🙂 LOL

  16. This is so true! It’s the most awkward thing ever! 🙂 LOL

  17. Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes. I was just in a situation like this over the weekend. And just to clarify, I, too, was the woman on the “outside” wanting “in.”

    (Now swaying back and forth and doing my best John Lennon impression): “All I am saaaayyyinnggg…is pee and get ouuuutttt.”

  18. Too funny! I mean, I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time, but thanks for the lunch time chuckle! And yeah, I agree, the washroom is not the place to chit-chat with the girls!

  19. hehe…i only laugh b/c i have been there…for guys it seems they take reading material…ok magazines to look at the pictures and i have been bouncing in line before

  20. I’m thinking it was the 157 cups of coffee not the real meal that did you in. Just remember, Sh&t flows downhill.

  21. It really is SO true. It’s like, take it outside, ladies! I have bidness to do!!!!

    Hope your event went well, anyway!

  22. Oh, noooo… that’s the worst, girl… I’ve been there… it’s no fun at all. Especially at work, when one of your co-workers is in the bathroom… and you have to ‘go’… and she won’t leave… argh!!!

  23. OMG, SO FUNNY (or not really). I too have been in that situation!! It is a miserable feeling, and the worst when the “cold sweat” comes on!!

    When I used to have an outside job, I worked in a building with 24 floors… Everytime I needed to “go” I would go downstairs (they only had a few female employees, so chances were good I would be alone, ROFL)!!!

    Great job on your event though, seemed like you took care of business.

  24. Oh you poor thing. I feel for you.
    Sometimes you just have to sit there and keep hitting the flush button!

  25. You are so right! I often wish for just a teensy bit of privacy in there.

  26. That is the WORST feeling when you are out in public with a bunch of people and HAVE to go! Poor thing.

  27. I avoid public restrooms at all costs and when I do use them I get in there and get out!

  28. I would have been the same way…nerves definitely mess with my crappy bowels!

  29. I hate public toilets especially for this reason. I need privacy people. Guaranteed privacy.

  30. HA! I thought I was the only one with a “problem” in public restrooms! One coworker used to flush and flush and flush and it took me YEARS to figure out what she was doing (hiding noises of course).

  31. I’m so sorry, but I did giggle a little bit because I have totally been there. I know that “cold sweat”! And completely agree with the whole idea of just getting out of the bathroom!

  32. Then you’re trying to time expulsion with nearby flushings, right? You poor thing!

  33. Amen! I’ve never understood gals that chit chat in the bathroom. I’ve never been one to take my friends to the bathroom with me.

  34. I have so been there, friend! That “cold sweat” is the absolute worst! Since I have a nervous stomach I’ve experienced that more times than I care to count! Congrats on the big event being over…hopefully you can relax and get back to normal!

  35. Um, been there. No fun.

  36. Got it! Point made…~snicker…snort…howling with laughter~

  37. I went to lunch with a very glamorous friend, and when we used the ladies room (of course together, we’re old fashioned that way) she made noises in her stall that would have made Austin Powers blush. Needless to say, she was my hero. I’ve never been self conscious after that.
    Hope you’re feeling better.

  38. You have me rolling girl! Coffee does that to me too! (or I should say too much coffee and not enough food)! Not fun! 🙂

  39. Oh, that is the worst feeling ever.

    And Girls…chat elsewhere, not in the room of germs!!!

  40. What IS the appeal of chatting in the bathroom anyway? Ewwww! Oh you poor thing. Definitely one of those stories that is only funny AFTER the fat.
    -Ally

  41. Oh, no. That is not good. Not good at all – funny, though. I have terrible “stage fright,” too, and probably would have left the party. LOL! What a wuss, I know.

    I promise to wash up and get out. I’m not one for hanging around in the ladies’ room anyway.

    Happy Tuesday!

  42. Oh boy, been there!! I’ve been so busy that I can only update my blog when I get a chance like today lol, but I do come on often and read the blogs I follow. Everytime I need a good laugh or a smile, I usually find my way to your blog, so thanks 🙂

    S.

  43. OH MY WORD!!! So funny — and so true! I too cannot bear to “use the facilities” if there are others present!!!

  44. I HATE when this happens! LOL

  45. I think we have all been there a time or two! I hope you’re doing well. I’m finally getting caught up on my blog reading.

  46. lol @ bathroom chatters!

    Public bathrooms are so gross! I try not to use them!

  47. Exactly! My sisters and I call it The Wave. When it hits, you gotta ride it to the nearest restroom before it overtakes you. Then to find the dumper divas in there…. GET OUT or it’s every diva for herself, I say!!!

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