You know how there are 5 stages of grief. Yeah, well apparently there are also 5 stages of Vacation Envy.
More specifically: “He has gone golfing with 7 other dudes to sunny Florida and left me with two kids, the pets, in the middle of a wicked Canadian blizzard and I am jealous as hell Vacation Envy.”
Stage 1: Denial
Oh No He did NOT plan another “working” vacation and leave me behind to fend for myself. If you recall, I have given up on the women’s lib stuff for a bit. I am perfectly prepared to be looked after for a while.
Stage 2: Anger
How in the hell does he think this qualifies as WORK?? 8 days, 7 rounds of golf, 1 Anaheim Ducks Hockey Game, copious amounts of booze…oh yes three hours at the International Golf Show. Is this work?
Stage 3: Bargaining
Fine. You go ahead. Go on your “work” vacay. But first, I need you to come grocery shopping with me, fix the toilet, bring some wood in and stack it near the fireplace, rub my back, pledge your undying love…you get the idea.
Stage 4: Depression
I don’t do enough for me. He’s gone. He’s getting a tan and going to come home lookin all hot, I’m pasty. Bring on the chocolate. No need to shave my legs today.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Might as well make the most of it. Sushi for 1. Girly movies complete with sobbing. I have a king size bed to myself! Rejoice that my bathroom and kitchen counters stay clean? Paint my toes electric blue and no need to share the popcorn.
All this and when he gets home, I can play the “You left me all alone” guilt card for at least a week.
In a marriage more then 13 years old…this is priceless.