Hindsight is 20/20

If I had a crystal ball I would have done a few things differently in 2009. Don't you ever wish you could have a do over? I certainly would never wish the year away because there were a lot of laughs, a lot of giggles, many milestones and we made memories. However, if I could write a wee letter to myself..it would look something like this:

Dear ModernMom
Hang on Honey, 2009 is going to be a wild and crazy ride. This year is going to be a bit of a roller coaster. Keep in mind that a well lived life is full of tears and laughs, hugs and moments that take your breath away. You have a lot to look forward to.

January
During one wild and crazy snow storm you will stop to help push a strangers car out of a snow bank. You think you are setting a good example for your girls. You know. Women can do anything men can do. Pay it forward, do unto others. All that. Don't do it!! You will fall on your ass and crack two ribs and bruise your butt to an ungodly shade of purple. Plus that bitch will just drive away without so much as a courtesy wave. A full year later you will still be in pain.

You will consider starting up a blog. A place to pour your heart out. Probably no one will read it but you but it will be a great creative outlet. Do it!!! This will be come a crazy passionate pastime and you will be fortunate enough to "meet" some amazing people this way!

February
Your washing machine will die a slow painful death and you and the Hubs will need to replace her. DO NOT buy from that big box store. They will deliver the wrong one, then a scratched one and then it will shake like a son of a gun. ....cause they broke it when they installed it. Sigh. Go buy from the little guy who stands behind their product and answers their customers calls when they are frustrated and in need of clean clothes!

Your BlueEyed Girl will enter and dominate her first gymnastics competition. Proud is not a big enough word. Take more kleenex.

March
2 weeks in Florida? Can you afford it? You can't afford not to. Do it. Amazing family trip.

April
Easter is going to come and go in a flash. Too much running around this year, do yourself a favour and offer to host the families at your place. Also...don't buy so many Easter Eggs. You should not still be chowing down on little bunnies on Halloween.

May
You will be SUCKED into hosting another charity event. Can you please learn to say no?
Oh and Hubby will write you the sweetest birthday letter ever. Nothing beats the power of a love letter.

June
Your SweetGirl will shine brightly at her piano recital. You did the right thing encouraging her to take those lessons. Keep on nagging.

July
Your girlfriend will call you and you know something is wrong. You are right. Drop everything and run. She has a brain tumour. She needs your help. Be strong. You can do it. She will get through it. (she does)

August
The summer is slipping by you because you are distracted...by friends in need, by pain. Focus. Make a plan. Make sure your kids are still first. It is a hard month. One day at a time.

September
Escape everyone and run away to a cottage for a week with just the kids and the Hubby? YES. Do it. It will rejuvenate you. You will all re-connect. Best decision of the year. Oh and Happy Anniversary:)

October
Um Honey, don't bother trying to find the perfect Halloween outfits ahead of time for the girls. They are BOTH going to change their minds at the 11th hour. you will end up with one Gypsy (courtesy of the dress-up clothes) and a football player (cause Dad still has his way old uniform).

November
Best decision of this month...acting classes for SweetGirl and pulling way WAY back from the PTA. Some of those Mama's are loco!

December
Please, please don't leave the Christmas Cards until the last minute. Sending out cards on December 22nd is probably bordering on insulting. You can do better. Slow down and reflect on how lucky your really are.

Try to remember to:
~laugh
~appreciate your friends
~be thankful for your health
~play with abandon
~choose with no regret
~and live as if this is all there is.

Happy New Year

The Walk In Clinic Game

My stupid back is out. Boo me. It's a long standing problem that is not resolving itself with acupuncture, phyiso or chiropractic's. Called my Doctors office this morning because frankly I have had it. Big shocker. She is closed until the New Year. I guess because Doctors are people, they get to take holidays too.

Anyhoo....I'm pretty good at dealing with the pain as long as I'm sure of what it is. As long as some professional with a stethoscope confirms for me that I'm gonna be ok. It hurts, it sucks I'll get over it.

On a side note, weird pain should never be googled. Google is not my friend. Strange back pain suddenly turns into an impending heart attack or some debilitating degenerative disease.

Ahh but I digress (let's blame the drugs!)

So now that I am at the end of my proverbial rope I call Doctors Relief to see if they can squeeze a girl in pain in for a quick appointment. I am in luck. I am in.

Jump, errr ....limp to my car and I am off.

Shuffle into the waiting room.

HOLD UP.

I have just walked into a freakin petri dish!

I caved and came to this part time Doctors office because frankly my friends, I was desperate and sick of hearing myself whine. Pathetic. Now I have to walk all the way across a crowded room of coughing, sneezing, sniffling, white and pasty looking peeps without catching some sort of nasty!

It is like a mine field!

From the door to the reception desk I dodge two sneezes and a cough. Yuck. Sick people.

Fill out my paperwork and now I have to sit down somewhere. Are you kidding?

As I scan the room I do my very own triage assessment.

Sweaty red nose chic with a handful of tissue, you have a cold. Go home. Doc can't help you and I'm not sitting next to you.

Mom with 2 toddlers rubbing your head and shaking your leg. You are still in your Pj's at noon and I recognize that circular temple rub. Migraine? Can't catch those. The chair next to yours has possibility. Wait a minute is that a barf bowl under your chair? eeek!

Ah ha...2o something, well dressed, arms crossed and rubbing your ear. Little Miss Ear Infection, you are my new chair buddy.

Now I just have to keep to myself for the next 20 minutes and hope for the best.

Finally my name is called.

Doc prescribes some super strong drugs and a side of muscle relaxants.

Thanks and blessings.

Snag some hand sanitizer on the way out and make my escape.

Here's hoping the drugs work, I didn't catch some new nasty ailment and I don't have to play the triage game again for a long time.

PS Don't forget to enter my fab giveaway!

Superior Wedding Rings-Give Away!

I am a girly girl. I am a lover of all things bling!

Superior Wedding Rings is now one of those go to places for all things ring.

This incredible site carries Engagement rings, Platinum rings, Palladium rings, Tungsten rings, and Ceramic rings to name just a few! Every ring on the site is beyond being beautiful boasts a life time warranty.

I was thrilled to be able to select a ring to gift to my Hubby. I know, how great am I. I mean I could have picked a little beauty for me, but decided it was time to show him some love. After much deliberation we picked the Men's Flat Step Down Tungsten 8mm Comfort Fit Wedding Ring. When the wee package arrived in the mail I was all kinds of excited and I had more fun then I am going to tell you gifting it to MY man !

As we already have wedding rings, he has chosen to wear his new band on the middle finger of his right hand. Hot!

It is stylish, fits perfectly and truly is a comfortable ring.

Know what I get to do now?? I get to host a giveaway so you or your loved one can have a beautiful Tungsten Ring of your very own!

The Prize: Any Tungsten Wedding Ring of a value up to $120.00!


How to enter:

1st mandatory entry.

Go to Superior Wedding Rings and explore their beautiful site. Then jump back here and tell me which is your fave! That easy.



Extra entries: (please leave a separate comment for each)

1. Become a follower or tell me you already are.

2. Vote for Me for "Top Mommy Blogger" by following the link at the top of the page, then come on back and tell me you did.

3. Follow me on Twitter @SassyModernMom. Make sure you let me know you did!

4. Blog about this give away and copy me the link. Earn yourself 3 extra entries!

Contest closes Monday January 4th and winner will be picked by Random.org

Superior Wedding Rings Contest Open to Everyone!

Good luck:)

Mwah

* I received product for the sole purpose of reviewing. No monetary compensation was given for this post. The opinions in this post are my honest opinions and have not been influenced by the reception of said product. Any giveaway items have provided by the company and/or site mentioned in the post.

Now closed!

How To Survive Christmas in the Suburbs

Christmas come and goes in a flash!

All that prep.

The shopping, the baking, the organizing..the panicking?

How can one little Mama possibly keep her family of four happy, get them to all the open houses, family Christmas gatherings, through the meals and survive the photo shoots in one piece?

It's not easy my friends.

Here are a few tips I have learned along the way:

Start shopping today for next year, it's the only way you are ever going to get it all done without breaking the bank.

When you think you are done buying all of your gifts, your not. But one extra super generic gift for when some peep who is clearly nicer and way more thoughtful then you shows up with a gift for you. You don't have one for her? Awkward.

Same goes for Christmas cards. When you go get the mail and there is some love sent to you from your second cousin twice removed, it would be sweet if you have an extra card on hand ready to go. Throw that baby in the mail IMMEDIATELY. Butt is now covered.

Don't make the damn Christmas cookies so far ahead. You and your wee ones (mostly you) will eat them and then you will be forced into re-creating all those mouth watering yummies.

Plan out those Christmas Eve and Christmas Day outfits for yourself and the kiddies a good week in advance. I guarantee you will be short at least one pair of tights and possibly a red sweater. While you are at it, have at least one back up plan for all your lovelies. Food disasters, hormones or the fact that you ate 4 dozen cookies and no longer fit in your "go to" pants may force you into a back up plan.

Do you have enough AAA and AA batteries? NO. You do not. There are never enough. Go get some more.

Sweetie, no matter how hard you try you are going to be tired. It's OK. You can sleep in January.

Be prepared with Tylonel, Wine and expectations at a realistic level and you are ready for the season of Peace, Joy and Christmas in the Suburbs.

So now...are you ready for New Years??

Shortbread Worth Getting Out the Stretchy Pants For

If you are going to do something, do it right, I always say.

This creation will please the bunch.

Chocolate Chip Shortbread Squares

mmmmm

The pitiful picture does not do it justice.

A new creation and possibly new family tradition by ModernMom and her BlueEyed Girl.

We couldn't find a recipe that pleased our palates so mashed a few together and came up with this mouth watering winner.

Baby, if I can do it, anyone can!

Ingredients:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup sifted confectioners' sugar
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt

Dash of Baking Powder

About 5 handfuls of chocolate chips.

In a separate bowl combine the flour with the salt, and the dash of baking powder. Set aside.

In the bowl of your electric mixer cream the butter (about 2 minutes).

Add the sugar and beat until creamy.

Stir in the vanilla extract.

Gently stir in the flour mixture until just incorporated. (we used our hands it was much more fun and effective)

Flatten the dough into a greased 9x9 glass pan.

Cover the entire top with chocolate chips and press in with a spoon. Oh yah baby, in my humble opinion you can not have enough chocolate chips!

Set oven to 300 degrees with the rack in the middle of the oven.

Bake for between 20 and 25 minutes until the dough is a very light brown.

Let them sit for a few minutes.

Cut into squares while still warm.

Enjoy!

Tip: Don't make them too far ahead or your little monster family will eat the whole batch and you will have to make a second Shortbread!

I am off to finish my last minute wrapping...oh and perhaps scarf down just one more of those delectable Shortbread Squares with a side of Hot Cocoa.

Wishing you and yours a Joyful Holiday Season and a very Merry Christmas.

MWAH

This Weeks. . . . . . . . . Confessions From Suburbia

I was secretly upset when a women I volunteer with proclaimed herself Co-Convener of a charity event I RUN. You are not co-convener when you pick up one job out of twenty. Petty me.

I fed my kids pizza for dinner on Saturday night and again on Tuesday.

I haven't returned my "Needy Girlfriends" phone call in three days. I just don't have the energy to deal right now.

I tanked our budget this month. I really tried to wear an old dress by sprucing it up with some contraband underwear . But, then I did some emotional shopping and went out and bought a brand new dress and some kick ass shoes to go with it!

I threw my shirt in the dryer for 5 minutes and called it ironed.

I wore the same pair of jeans three days in a row. It happens.

I really don't love my SweetGirls BFF. She is loud, and pushy and manipulative. Sigh.

I ate and ate........ and ate so many freakin Christmas cookies that now I have to do more baking before Thursday. Ahhh the joys of the Holiday Season!

Toxic Sinks and Punchy Plumbers

The stupid sink was plugged. Again.

We renovated this stupid kitchen 8 years ago.

We put in this stupid sink then.

Last night we called the stupid plumber for the third time?

Why did we call a plumber for a stupid clog? Well, because the last time we attempted to fix our clogged up stupid sink ourselves we ended up in a toxic mess. Yep. When you try and fix a clog yourself and the wee little snake you own doesn't work, and the plunger doesn't work, and the first bottle of Liquid Plumber doesn't work....do not try some other industrial strength crap. The fumes might actually kill you.

Any hoo.

The stupid sink was clogged. Again.
Snake. Didn't work.
Plunger. Didn't work.
Liquid Plumber. Does that stuff ever work?

Time to call in the big guns...cause my dishwasher won't run without this damn sink and my counter is covered in dishes, the oven won't hide any more crap and my kids are tired of eating off of plastic.

Plumber to the rescue!
Or not.

His 25 foot snake could not find the clog.

After 2 hours he convinces us (read Hubby) that he needs to pop a small hole in our FINISHED basement to get to some damn pipe downstairs. Fine. I hate that stucco ceiling anyway.

He did this.

Three holes later. Gee. Gefaw Gefaw. Sorry Mam. That's all duct work. I need to go through a different wall.

Are you freakin kidding me!

I went upstairs. To breath.

Much pounding later I returned downstairs. To this.



AHHHH!!

The worst part. The plumber threw his hands in the air and said
"Sorry guys, I feel bad, I've never lost one before but I can't find the problem"

Are you kidding me? There are a total of 7 holes in my ceiling and wall in 2 different rooms and my freaking sink still doesn't work and now you are just going to leave!!!

In my most passive aggressive style I helped the Hubs usher him out while I silently shook my head. No No No. WTH? Now what.

On to the next plumber?

Yep. We really have no choice. Plumber number 2 snaked the drain with his 50 foot snake. Fixed her all up lickety split.

150.00 bucks and he was on his way.

Anyone know how to drywall?

No one ever told me being a grownup was going to be so much fun.

I Kicked That Malls Ass!

By 8am I had my war gear on.

Jeans, T-Shirt, Hoodie and comfortable shoes. (yes comfort was needed this time)

Dropped the kids at school and had my butt parked in front of my prey.

The biggest mall in town.

I had my weapons...my list of "must get gifts", and my VISA.

In under 3 hours I plowed through a list of gifts for the girls, my 2 nieces, 2 nephews, my Grandmother, my Mother, my Sister and even polished off the odds and ends for my dearest Hubby. Oh and did I mention that I also managed to pick up a sweet winter coat and gloves for little ole me!

Store by store I took them all down one by one.

Feeling a little more at peace, a tad more victorious with each zip ding of the credit card machine.

Retail therapy.

Only about 12 more gifts to buy with just under 8 more shopping days left.
It can be done.
Sigh.

Tis the season my friends, tis the season.

I could never be a Duggar....

...or Jon and Kate, or a member of that family from Table for 12.

There must be way too much noise in those houses, often there is too much noise in mine.

I helped to host a wee Christmas Party for my girls Saturday night.
Each darling daughter was allowed to invite 4 sweet friends.
Count em. That equals 10 partying people. Then we had a crasher. Ha. At a kids Christmas Party! Note to self, that one is going to be trouble.

So now the head count is 11 squealing, yelling, giggling, opinionated little beings in my home.

That's a ridiculous number of little people in a home.

Hubby hid in the bedroom. Smart man.

We ate, decorated gingerbread men, painted ornaments, painted nails, watched a movie and danced the night away.

You can not have too many activities for 11 girls between the ages of 8 and 10. They rip through activities....well like, kids on Christmas morning. As fast as humanely possible.

Now I know this was a party.
I know I gave them too much sugar.

(FYI you know it's too much sugar when candy is being thrown around like weapons of mass destruction)
But you can't have a party without pop and candy!

But good grief those 11 little girls were loud!

I did learn a few things....besides that I could never be a Duggar.
I didn't know that even though I was "the Hero" when I purchased Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas (cause it was rented out of every stinkin store in the city) I was wasting my money. They lasted about half an hour with that flick. Apparently the most exciting part was the preview for ET! You have not heard girls SCREAM until that cute little alien face has popped up on your 52 inch Sony. Ha ha.

I learned that despite your Husbands math of 2-3 pieces of pizza per girl. Equaling 6 pizzas, you will only need 3. Huh? Oh yes, forgot to factor in the loads of chips and candy. Duh.

I now know I should always have a towel at hand. you know, real close by like. For when hyper girl knocks over her third cup of lemonade.

I have learned that hide and seek is the king of all games, and the beast of all time killers. Also, it's free.

It's over and we survived, the home survived and there were no injuries, no tears.

I am proud to say I made it through with a smile on my face and just a twinge of a headache.

I am thrilled that although my girls are tired, they had a great time. All the work was worth it for those smiling faces and huge belly laughs.

I hope my girls remember this, our second annual Christmas Party for their friends fondly.

I hope they always want to have parties together!

I hope we are making memories that last a lifetime.

I hope that we all recover in time for the next party....

Merry Christmas.

Little Irritations in the Suburbs

I don't understand....


People that call my house before 8am in the morning. My butt is barely out of bed. I can't chat now. I'm running around trying to get clothes ready for the kids, breakfast for all and pack lunches. Aren't you?

People who like the "drop in". I live with 2 girls, a dog, a kitten and oh yes, my Husband. My house is almost never "company ready". I prefer the courtesy phone call so I can at least shuffle the shoes into the front hall closet, move the laundry pile upstairs and clear the stuff off my crap magnet err I mean kitchen counter.

Why people can't respect the "No Parking" in the Drop Off Only at the kids school. It just takes one elitist who thinks they are above the rules to gum up the works for the rest of us who aren't prepared to get out of our cars in our Lulu Lemons and sunglasses. My outfit is drop off only!

Speaking of parking. Please, don't park you car at the end of my driveway! Are you trying to block me in?

Why does the Mail carrier insist on stuffing oversize packages into my teeny mail box? Two broken cell phone covers in a row! Thank you very much.

It was very windy this Garbage and recycling day. If your Recycling bin is suddenly empty BUT that big blue truck has not been around yet...don't just shrug your shoulders and walk away! Please...go pick up your pizza boxes, and pop cans off all the front lawns. Or at least mine!


Gas is on the right. I don't think everybody knows this!! Please stop riding your breaks...oh, and if you can't see over your steering wheel and are afraid of the dark, you might want to re-think this whole driving thing.

If your dog poops it...you needs to scoops it.

Most of the time I love everything about living in the Suburbs, but I have to tell you sometimes I think a little common sense would go a long long way.

This Explains Everything...

Men's priorities are finally explained, courtesy of my inbox.

A little known fact....
The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was not used until 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Yep! That pretty much says it all!

Deep Thoughts, People are Rude

Observed while in the viewing room at a civilized Gymnastics's Club...

Have you ever coughed so hard that you farted? The lady sitting beside me watching her child in the gym did tonight. Sucked for her, all kinds of funny for the rest of us.

I need some kind of privacy screen for my blackberry. Nosey girl on the other side keeps trying to read my texts.

If your feet smell like donkey butt, feel free to be a rebel and break the "Remove Your Shoes" rule.

Egg Salad sandwiches have no business in an enclosed space. Besides, didn't he learn a lesson from farty girl? Eating egg salad and then sitting in a warm crowded room for an hour is like taking your life in your hands. Risky.

I like little kids as much as the next person, probably more, but please, stop your baby with the snot bubbles blowing our of her nose after her 3rd rendition of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. That wee one's gurgly tune is making me feel ill.

I am stoked that you got invited to the party when Cheryl didn't. I can't believe Scott said that. Are you sure you can't make the movie? I DON'T CARE!!!! Get off your cell phone or walk down the bloody hall and have your private conversation. Don't sit there and pretend there is no one else in the room. Rude.

Only 6 more years until this kid can drive herself to the gym.

Anybody want to carpool?

Real Housewives?

I caught a little of one of those "Real Housewives Shows" last night.
You know the Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Real Housewives of the O.C. Yeah right.

It was like a car wreck!

I could not look away.

In what warped world did these women become "Real Housewives"??

Without an ounce of exaggeration I will tell you these poor hard done by women had Personal Chefs, Estate Managers, Personal Shoe Shoppers, Party Planners for their daughters 11th birthday party's, make up artists and hair stylists in their homes and a Personal Assistant.

These are not real housewives.

Real housewives cook for their own families....or at least know how to order in.

They manage their own houses...or boss around their hubbies and kids.

They buy their own shoes. Sometimes with a girlfriend, but often alone and in a rush.

Plan the birthday party's for their kids, exhaust ourselves and love it.

Real Housewives do our own make up and wash our own hair. (when we have time)

We get our hands dirty.

We fund raise. We run bake sales and car washes.

We have split ends and chipped nail polish.

We run our car down to the E.

We pay the bills, just in time.

We sneak cookies before dinner and sometimes...... we can't wait for bedtimes.

We know what we signed up for.

We are blessed and love almost every minute of it!

These are the things that make Me a Real Housewife and I just know that here, in the real world, I am not alone.

ModernMom Goes HollyWood?

I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy of a brand new show premiering on December 7th on TNT!! Yes..Me!

I "screened" a TV show. Sure there was no red carpet or celebrities at my screening, but I made popcorn, got dressed up in my best stretchy pants and dimmed the lights. Same diff.

Good grief life is good.

So on with the show!
Let me ask you, what do Ray Romano, Scott Bakula and Andre Braugher all have in common? Yes I know, they were in all of your favourite shows like, just yesterday, but today, they are Men of a Certain Age starring in this cleverly written new show airing on Monday nights on TNT.

As the premier episode unfolds we are introduced to three terrifyingly real men who have been friends since college. It's clear that they have moved on past those good ol' school days and are now knee deep in real life.

Ray as "Joe" is a currently separated, sort of sad guy who might possibly have a wee bit of a gambling problem as well as an impending identity crisis.

Scott as "Terry" is the single, granola crunching, yoga teaching, Playboy "wanna be an Actor" type.
and

Andre as "Owen" is the married man with health issues, food issues, and Daddy issues.
Oh how I love Owen.

All three of these leading men are at a crossroads in their lives. All appear to be coping with life yet seeking something... more?

TNT says this is "a story about your Husband, your brother, your best friend". It's about trying to find out when it is time to start searching for and standing up for your dreams.

Maybe these men, maybe all men, have a lot more going on in those pretty little heads then we give them credit for.

Men of a Certain Age gave me a couple of really good giggles (Hey, who doesn't worry about what is really in ketchup, or what to do when a bug is only half squished??) and perhaps even a little bit of insight into the minds of real men.

I'll be tuning in Mondays on TNT to see whats really going on with all these Men of a Certain Age.

Hugs from Hollywood!
(almost)

Mean Mama Coming Through

I will not let my 8 year old baby girl go watch "New Moon" with four other 7 and 8 year olds from her class. Apparently I'm crazy opinionated when it comes to vampires and werewolf movies.


I don't let my 10 year old girl wear make-up to school. What a horrible mother! Clearly every clear skinned, bright eyed, pony tail wearing infant should be covered in foundation, mascara and blue eyeliner before the 5th grade!!


My girls wear underwear purchased from Wal Mart and clothes from anywhere that has them on sale. We buy what fits them, what they are comfortable in, what is appropriate for their age, and that they like. They are fashionable, but I have not succumbed to the "must only dress my children in labels" mentality. You are not what you wear and I refuse to send that message to my daughters.

My girls have....wait, prepare yourselves......chores. Yep. Bad Mommy.

They also have a regular bedtime! Oh the horror of not being able to stay up as late as they want to "like all of their friends".


They take vitamins. In the shape of cartoons but they do take them.

Eat dinner before dessert (well usually).

Shower under duress, cause I don't like em smelly.

There are rules and they are respected. Sometimes there is some foot stomping. Could be a daughter, could be a Mama.

They are loved. Fiercely..and I hope they know it.

If this makes me a mean Mommy, then I guess this is my job and I happily accept.
I just know I can't be the only Mean Mama out there. Can I???

Flashing Lights and Uniforms

Damn. Lost an earring. Got water on my shirt. Hair dryer broke. I'm running late. Now I don't have time to stop and grab that Chi Tea Latte and the coveted Ginger Molasses Cookie. Starbucks is the ONLY place in the world where you will ever hear a man ask......"Can I warm that cookie up for you?" Oh well, better for my butt if I skip the sweets today anyway.

Sitting at the stoplight singing away.

"If you loved me then you should have put a ring on it...oh oh oh oh ..."

LONG light.

Touch up the lip gloss.

Gee. My hair actually looks good today.

Green and away we huh?

Bleep bleep *flashing lights*

What on earth?

~not speeding

~Didn't jump the light?

~OK, pulling over Mr Cop Man.

The officer approaches the car.

Ohhh .....Mrs. Cop Man. Sorry.

"License and Registration" She says.

"Sure. Um...Is there a problem?" I query.

"Yes Mam, your license plate does not match the vehicle you are driving."

Huh??? And might I add a silent ...What the Hell??

"I've only had this SUV for three weeks. My husband took care of all the paperwork, and you won't believe this but I can't find my ownership or proof of insurance."

"Stay in the vehicle Mam"

This is when she gets on her handheld radio and takes my ID back to her car.

I start to phone my Hubby to find out exactly why my plates don't match my new car. At this point a second police cruiser comes screaming up. Lights flashing. He blocks the street.

Apparently when you "steal" a car, you get a lot of attention.

Great. I'm going to be on "COPS".

Hubs calls the owner of the car dealership.

Owner of the dealership calls me.

"Modernmom, we will get this straightened out, in the meantime " He advises. "be sweet and flirt with him a little?"

"Dude! The officer is a chick!"

"Oh"..says owner man...."Is she wearing comfortable shoes?"

40 minutes and many many conversations later the officers decide to let the ModernMom with the shaking hands go free. It has become clear that I am NOT a thief, and that the dealership who sold us the car simply forgot to transfer the old plates to our new vehicle.

I have 24 hours to produce ownership of this vehicle and proof of insurance.

Done and done.

Today's lesson.

Always make sure your plates are properly transferred when you get a new car!

Apparently in the Suburbs car thieves can look like soccer moms.

Thank the powers that be that the nice officers believed my story that I am not a thief, just a blond having a really bad day.