Passive Aggressive Letters. . . . with Love

Dear Solicitor,
See that sign on my door that says "No Soliciting". That means please don't knock on my door to tell me about your wonderful services, try and sell me something, or approach me with any kind of wheelin and dealin. Unless you're a Girl Guide peddling your wares, I don't want any. Don't be giving me a dirty look when I tell you "No Thank You".

Signed

Good Thing You Didn't Know What I Was Thinking! Get Off My Lawn, Do I Bother You When You are Eating Dinner With Your Family?

Dear Manicurist,

When you are filing away at my nails and then make a big slip with your super sharp tools, please acknowledge the fact that you have indeed CUT me. It may just be a small cut, but it stings like a son of a gun. Please note that when it requires you to stop the bleeding, it also requires an apology!!

Signed

Needs a Band-Aid

Dear Cineplex Odeon,

Are you aware that it costs $10.00 per ticket to get into your shows? Do you know that just one large tub of popcorn is $5.99 the optional (HA HA) butter is another $1.00. It cost us almost $80.00 for the four of us to go to the movies yesterday. That's OK, I was prepared for the price, what I was not prepared for, was the little guy behind the counter telling me they could not take a hundred dollar bill without the approval of a manager? They normally do not accept hundreds? You know what? If it is going to cost me an entire weeks grocery money to take my family to the movies, someone had better be standing there ready to take my money! When did the $100.00 bill become a useless currency in this country. Please take 5 minutes to train your staff on how to spot fake currency for all size bills.

Signed

Late for the Movie

Dear EBay Seller

The 2 shirts I purchased for my girls are really cute. They are going to love them. I didn't understand why you couldn't combine shipping and send them together, but okay, I paid the two shipping charges for the items I purchased 2 minutes apart and paid for on the same invoice. I questioned you, but you were adamant it had to be done this way because I was "way up in Canada".

Now that the items have arrived, I am once again disappointed in humanity. You sent the cute shirts in the same box. You clearly paid one shipping charge, bought one box, and put the second $13.00 shipping charge in your pocket. Shame on you.

Signed

Won't be buying from you again.

Getting My Mojo Back . . .and Getting it Off My Chest!

It's been a rough week so!

~I hope my Hubby thinks Hypochondriacs are *hot* cause I've decided I am what I am, this old bird can't change her ways!

~I sent up a little prayer of thanks last night....to the The Lunch Lady. Thanks goodness today is hot lunch day for my darling daughters. I am so sick of making lunches!

~While I'm at it I'd also like to say a quick blessing to the makers of Tylenol, Advil and Ice packs. You rock.

~Why doesn't Canada have a "Black Friday" of Shopping? How do I get that started here?

~Why do I bother with the non-fat latte then add a Ginger Molasses Cookie? Is this really going to keep me in those skinny jeans?

~I need a Blue Tooth. You know....some kind of wireless cell phone contraption for my car, but I'm afraid of making a shopping blunder and can't decide which kind to buy. I have shopping paralysis!

~Why do shirts and sweaters always look so good in the store and then like crap when I get them home? Are there some kind of magic mirrors in those dressing rooms??

~Oh...and one last time. Down with Swine flu.

Random feels so good. :)

Tomorrow I'm Taking The High Road

Today I'm going to whine...

Swine flu or whatever the Doctors have decided to deem the "virus" that has knocked out 40% of the elementary school's population sucks.

The Media can take a flying leap. They are not doing the fab job of educating they could be...they are doing an unbelievable great job of sensationalizing.

I did what the Doctors, my Doctors recommended for me. I got the H1N1 shot. We all know how that turned out. Meh.

I consider myself lucky. I was ridiculously scared for about 24 hours, but now I am protected from a terrifying virus.

My tongue still "buzzes" a wee bit, but I have stopped (okay almost stopped) worrying that my throat is going to close up.

Some things I am afraid of...
-H1N1 is just the second in a long line of scary virus that are going to attack our generation and the next. Picking innocent, healthy people at random. SARS was the first?
-Protecting our children is going to become more difficult, not easier as they grow up in a world who's environment is out of control.
-If our Canadian Heath system is going to see a shortage of this apparently coveted vaccine, what will happen to the war torn and third world nations on this earth?

Some things I have learned....

-There are a number of people who are allergic to MSG who are having very similar reactions to the H1N1 shot that I did. I have not been tested for an allergy to MSG, but know I can not eat a darn thing that contains it. MSG= raging headache.

-When I'm a nervous wreck my family is there for me. Hubby brings the heart rate back in line.
-Invisible Bloggy friends...wow. The words of support and encouragement. The advice and the love! Thanks! I felt overwhelmed and touched and in reality, not that big a deal. Thanks:)

So until the next crisis....I shall now resume my usual rants and raves, my kudos and complaints about all the crazies here in the Suburbs!

Thanks for the love!
Mwah!

Allergic to Pigs

H1N1

Did my research.

Felt confident in my decision.

For us, the right choice was to get that vaccine as soon as we were eligible and could get our arms on that liquid gold. A hot commodity around these parts.

Took my two girls a week ago for their H1N1 vaccine. They did great. A couple of tears, followed by sore arms for a few days. Now hopefully they are protected from the virus that is putting so many people in the ICU.

So now it was my turn.

Went the clinic once it was open to the General Public.

Stood in line with 300 other people for 20 minutes for the privilege of being protected. Courtesy of our Canadian Health System.

Took it in the arm.

Waited 15 minutes and was on my way.

Got home.

Something wasn't ........right.

My tongue was...itchy? My lips were buzzing? My palette was burning?

I was panicking.

Called the Health Unit.

"You may be having an anaphylactic reaction. If you are having trouble breathing call 911. If not get to a Doctor."

$*@#ing great!!

Now I am panicking. I am home alone and I am scared. Did I also mention I may also be a bit of a hypochondriac.

My tongue looks swollen to me. Doesn't it look like my throat is swelling up. Is it getting harder to swallow.

How about I just get behind the wheel of my giant SUV and drive to the Doctor's office. Brilliant idea.

The good news. When you tell the receptionist at the Docs office that you think you are having a scary reaction to the H1N1 shot you just received...you get right in.

Let's shorten this up now.

Doc checked me.

mmm More concerned about my spiking temperature then anything else?

(Duh...perhaps because I am having an anxiety attack now??)

Sit in the waiting room and wait for a re-check........to see if I'm gonna die.

Send up a little prayer.

Basically, Doc sends me home because he has never seen a reaction like this before and tells me it's been two hours and doesn't know what else to do for me. He tells me to watch for symptoms of my throat swelling up. And no, he can't guarantee the worst is over. NICE. Second opinion please?

Home I drive. Trying to keep it together. Looking at my tongue in the rear view mirror at every stop light. My heart is still racing. I am so pathetic.

Meanwhile the Hubs has talked to 2 other people who have had the EXACT same reactions!!! Why are we not told this?

Symptoms of swelling lips, buzzing tongue, tingling pallet. Not that uncommon? Don't panic girl.

Slow steady breaths.

Now I just have to get through the next 24-48 hours and this too shall pass.

If I had known this was a possibility would I have had the shot?

I honestly don't know.

Would you?

Hope none of you have had a scary experience like this one...hope I'm the only one who found out this week that she is allergic to pigs.

I'm sorry I haven't been around to spread the comment love...got a little post traumatic stress going on here. Thanking God this happened to me and not one of my children.

A Change in Priorities

Before I was a (hot) Mama in the Suburbs I was thankful for the usual things:

-Great Job

-Cute Apartment with inadequate closet space but 2 parking spots

-Fabulous Shoes

-Best Boytoy ever

-Happy Hour

You know, the usual.

Then I got married, moved to the suburbs and WHAM~my priorities changed.

Oh yes, like every good Mommy I am thankful for the predictable stuff:

-Stand up Hubby, Health, Baby's first smile, kid made the soccer team, blah blah blah.

This is NOT the list I am talking about.

I'm talking about the Real Life, Nitty Gritty, makes it possible for me to get out of bed and tackle the day moments that get you through!

I'm thankful that the dog licked the chocolate pudding off the ceramic floor so I didn't have to clean it up. (please don't judge)

I'm thankful to Band-Aids and bow to their awesome magical power to heal.

I am ridiculously thankful for the one night a year my in-laws take the girls overnight to make Gingerbread houses. We have the house to ourselves!

I'm thankful to Doctors who work crazy hours at walk in clinics so my kids don't have to suffer through the night with a raging ear infection that came out of nowhere.

I'm thankful to the makers of Tylenol. Children's and Adult!

(OK I might have been thankful for Tylenol before)

I'm thankful to find one last unused Kleenex in the depths of my purse when I needed it most.

3rd row seats in my SUV make me all kinds of happy.

I'm thankful when Hubby decides to fold an entire load of teeny underwear and T-shirts without being nagged and then runs the vacuum too! Do you know how hot that is???

I'm thankful that the kids who cut the grass think it's funny to run over the poop mines our black lab leaves outside. No scooping for me this week, fertilizer for the world!

I'm thankful for coffee to get me through when it's been a bad night, and chardonnay to ease my trouble when it has been a rough day.

I am blessed beyond measure to have such wonderful kids, but I am thankful for the little things that get me through my day.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Just when the

caterpillar

thought the

world was over,

it became a

butterfly.

~Proverb

Why oh Why??

Why can't the garbage man come on the same day every week? My garage would be a whole lot nicer to park in, the neighbourhood would smell better. On the flip side, it would be a lot less entertaining for the collectors who clearly get their chuckles from women in pajamas running like crazy people with trash cans to the curbs.

Why can't I remember my new Dyson vacuum cleaner has a suck power of 10. My curtain rods can't take many more "I sucked up the curtains" incidents. Besides, children shouldn't hear those words coming from a Mamas mouth.

Why is it every time I am vacuuming I think I hear the phone ringing? Is there something wrong with me?

Why is it every time I declare a PJ day the delivery dude shows up!

Why is it when my house get to that special state of..."Eeek I have to clean this place up!" Friends decide to do the drop in.

Why is my kitchen counter such a crap magnet?

Why can't an extra 5lbs around the middle be a sign of prosperity, a life well led? Why can't it be hot?

Why have they not invented a travelling Starbucks truck..it could trail right behind the ice cream man!

I must accept that there are some things I shall never know.

Lazy Sunday

Are you kidding me? How did I miss this. One of the sweetest bloggers way over there at If Evolution Really Works gave me a shout out and a lovely award declaring I am Great Sunday Reading!

Here it is Sunday and I feel I really should be passing on the love.

So please go check out these lovelies and tel them I said Hi!!

Working Mum on the Verge

and

It's A Beauty Filled Life

Three very different, very wonderful writers!

Happy Sunday!

PS I just read this post from A Nut in a Nutshell. At the very end of her FAQ she mentions she simply does not post awards because frankly, she sucks at it. Yep, I get that. If I have missed posting an award you have passed on to me, please know I appreciated it! I'm just a girl trying to survive life here in the suburbs, making sure I don't forget to feed myself or the kids and doing my best to get around to all my bloggy friends. A lost award is never personal!

Love ya!

Life in the Car Pool Lane

Survival in the Suburbs is one thing.
Surviving carpool is a whole new game.

Here are a few tips I have learned the last few years as I negotiated the tricky roads of carpool hell.

1. Never carpool with a kid prone to car sickness. The time saved driving is so not worth the time you get to spend in a car adorned with that new vomit smell.
2. Always have plastic bags on hand. (see #1)
3. Have a DVD player in that Suburban Vehicle? Then for goodness sake don't forget the movies. Rotate often.
4. If you are setting up a regular carpool to Brownies or Swimming every week, don't be all casual, all loosey goosey with the rules! Don't be all "We could carpool." BE SPECIFIC!
"You would like to carpool? Great!" "Would you like take turns driving every other week or drive there each time and I will pick up?"
Get a solid answer. Get a commitment. Trust me. If you don't create some rules some of those User Mommies out there will NEVER take her turn. You see, what you don't know is that some of us nice Mommies have invisible ink on our foreheads that only the user Mommies can see! I think mine says something like "USE ME..or SUUUCCCKKKERR".
5. Snacks. Never a bad idea. Nut free of course.
6. Caffeine. duh.
7. Music. By the time you reach the carpool stage the days of music for the kids ...well it's gone. No more Old MacDonald, or classical to stimulate their little brains. Forget it. Each woman and child for themselves. This music is for you. This is about your survival! When the screaming and giggling gets to a decibel that could break champagne glasses it is time to pretend to be the "cool Mom". Crank the tunes and drown them out.
8. You know that iPhone/Sidekick/ Crackberry you have that is so much fun to surf the net on and send texts to your friends on? Guess what? It is also a phone! I know! Do yourself a favor and store each and everyone of those little brats phone numbers in there and their Mamas work numbers too. Then when you hustle and scramble to make sure you pull into their driveway at exactly 6pm to pick your carpool up for Gymnastics, Volleyball, Soccer and the sweet darling is not home.....AHHH.... you can call that Mother and leave them any kind of message you want.
9. One word. Tylenol.

Are You A ModernMom?

Deb from Menopausal New Mom tagged me today and it was just the kick in the pants I needed to get out another long over due award!

I think I will start with...

The PIMP Award

Michelle form the oh so honest and addictive Finding Trinity has honored me with her brand new PIMP award (aka peeing in my pants) Cute right?

A big Thanks to Michelle! I'm going to this little baby on to:

Matty Thoughts -What? You haven't read him yet? It's time!

Now back to the Tag!



I've been asked to explain what it is that makes me a true authentic Mom, A Theta Mom.
A Modern Mom if you will! Ha

1. My kids come first. They have from the moment I peed on the stick and the double lines showed up. They know they are safe and protected and loved. They know they will always have a safe place to fall and a Mommy who will encourage and push them to be their best.

2. I also try to be true to myself...and hang on to a little bit of the authentic me! The years are flying by and one day before I am ready these two little birds are going to leave the nest. I will be left behind with just the hubby. To that end I cherish and nurture the relationship I have with Hubby. I think showing this to my girls, leading by example, teaching them that the world does not revolve around them but that Mom has to have a life, I am preparing them for their lives ahead. Preparing me too!

Enough with the deep thoughts!

3. I have walked through the grocery store with baby spit up on my shirt and a baseball hat on my head. Sometimes you do what you have to do. This is real Mom.

4. I have told the kids NO they can not have cookies before breakfast and then snuck 3 with my morning coffee.

5. I have stood in line a half hour before the opening of a store to get the coveted Christmas Toy of the year that is marked down 50% and in short supply all over the city. Maybe they are a bit spoiled but the light and excitement in their eyes when they tear open that Christmas Gift from Santa and I get no credit....that is what a real Mom does.

There are no limits to what a ModernMom can do...or how many people she can tag for this wee meme. I'm choosing just one!

Suz...I'm tagging you!

Please go over and visit the cutest blogger, and most honest environmental lovin Mom ever.

Day By Day, My Life As A Busy Bee

To all my other invisible friends....What is it that makes you a real ModernMom? Feel free to play along, I'd love to hear I am not alone!

Fun With Lysol

Two little girls were tucked all snug in their beds, with visions of germs alight in their heads.
Gross!

My sweet girls were doing their best to fight the germs that had been racking their bodies for four long and crappy days. Drinking their liquids, washing their hands, resting and sleeping.
I was doing my utmost to help them. Dosing tylonel, making soup, doling out Popsicles, prescribing ginger ale, worrying...feeling helpless to help my coughing sick babies.

Finally by 11pm at night, all was quiet. I had done all I could for the day and it was time to turn in. I felt helpless.

Then I spotted the mighty Lysol can.

I had already scrubbed every counter, wiped down the floors, but perhaps a good spray of Lysol on those door knobs and light switches before I went to bed would be just the thing.
A big fat spray to KILL all those big bad germs.

Pssssst

Psssst

Pssssst

Take that you big bad germs.

Die virus die.

Psssst.

Then cutting through the silence of my blissfully quiet home was a wailing siren.
A screech.
A BLARE.

ModernDad came screaming down the hall!

It was the Carbon Monoxide Detector?

WTH?

He tore the batteries out and threw them on the floor.

Could it be?

I dashed to my trusty computer and googled.

Yep.

Lysol can SET OFF a carbon monoxide detector.

I'm leaving that baby unplugged for a week!
If I have to choose between fighting the scary H1N1 OR the remote possibility of invisible gasses I'm tackling germs this week.

Note to all other Germaphobe Mommies out there...Lysol and Carbon Monosixde Dectors...they don't mix baby!

How to Survive your Girlfriends Engagement

Have you ever felt that way?

Had a girlfriend come to you with her life altering, most exciting news.
News that will change the course of her life FOREVER, and all you can think is.
Oh no, she is making the biggest mistake of her life.

My girlfriend came to me and announced she was getting married.
A time of joy, of celebration, to cheer and to hug!
Oh...I plastered on my fake smile, hugged her and cried.
She mistook my tears of sorrow for tears of joy.
My sweet sweet friend was taking the plunge, and making the biggest mistake of her life.

Did I tell her what I thought?

No.

Why?
She really doesn't want to hear it, and all my opinion would do is upset us both.

This is my BFF. I love her with all of my heart.

We have already had many conversations that went like this...
Do you think I should stay with him?
Do you think he is a good man?
You like him right?
I found a ring in his bedside table....do you think it is for me? (Oh geez you have been with him for two years. If you think he is seeing someone else on the side WHAT are you doing with him ???)

When you feel the need to ask you friends if you think it is a mistake to marry this so called man of your dreams. The man who yells at you if you are not home "on time". The man who does not like any of your friends. The man who refuses to make an effort to spend any time with your family. The man who tells you you are getting fat so better not eat that! The man who shames you and breaks you down.

If you feel the need to ask....if you need to be reassured.

It IS a mistake.

If your girlfriends are then brave enough to be honest with you, and tell you their truth. Honey, take a moment, pause, reconsider before you walk down that aisle.

Nobody will think less of you.

You are loved.

Just not by this man.....and not in the way that you deserve.

Yes, I have offered my opinion.
Now it is time to offer my love.
I will help pick out a dress, talk flowers and venue.
Hopefully stand by her side and truly believe she has made the right choice.
Ultimately it is her choice.

What do you do when you can see the people you love making decisions that you know are bad for them? Do you support them no matter what?

I will be here for my BFF now and hope against hope that I am wrong....

Temperature is Rising

My baby is sick.....sigh.

The world is a scary place when a flu bug can cause a fear that chills you to the bones.

We WILL be fine.

Today I wish you all good health and offer these quotes:

A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." Hippocrates

"In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties." Henri-Frederic Amiel

"He, who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything." Arabian Proberb

"Time And health are two precious assets that we don't recognize and appreciate until they have been depleted." Denis Waitley

"Good friends are good for your health." Irwin Sarason

"The groundwork of all happiness is health." Leigh Hunt

"Money is the most envied, but the least enjoyed. Health is the most enjoyed, but the least envied." Charles Caleb Colton

Stay well....I'll be back commenting when my house is healthy again!