Toooo Much Info.
I know.
Warning. More personal information to follow.
Ready?
Despite the previously blogged about PMS I was two weeks late with natures gift. Hmmm.
So not like me.
I am a clock.
Two weeks gives a girl a lot of time to think.
I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful girls.
We are a disgustingly average happy family of four.
I was just starting to believe that our little brood was complete.
Mom and Dad, 2 girls. Even a dog and a kitten. (RIP Mr.Fishy)
I know.
Warning. More personal information to follow.
Ready?
Despite the previously blogged about PMS I was two weeks late with natures gift. Hmmm.
So not like me.
I am a clock.
Two weeks gives a girl a lot of time to think.
I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful girls.
We are a disgustingly average happy family of four.
I was just starting to believe that our little brood was complete.
Mom and Dad, 2 girls. Even a dog and a kitten. (RIP Mr.Fishy)
Besides, doesn't it seem like the world was sometime meant for families of four?
Cars are easier to buy.
Hotels are easier to book.
Rides at the fair work out perfectly.
Restaurants always have room for four.
Then, you are two weeks late!
My girls are 8 and 10!!
We can sit by the pool and watch them swim.
We just have to remind them...OK beg them to have a shower. They do the work themselves and there is no more worries of little brown floaties in the tub!
They wipe their own butts.
More food ends up in their mouths vs the floor.
These girls are a twosome, best friends.
We are about 10 years away from some time for "us". Little trips without guilt.
I'm not wishing it all away, but wow things sure are easier then when they were little.
But Ohhhh a baby.
A third little person to love.
The joy, the love, the new baby smell.
The miracle of a new life.
The wonder of the firsts!
The sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the weight gain, the stress.
The aching back, the hemorrhoids, the killer gas!
Clearly my head was spinning.
A Woman torn.
So..this morning...I peed on a stick.
NEGATIVE.
I was...disappointed?
Just a little.
I'm 38 (yikes) and you know what is finally clear to me.
It wouldn't matter if I had 2 kids or 6.
I think there are just some women in this world who never feel done.
Who will always feel that ache when they see a newborn babe, who instinctively turn and grin at the sound of a little ones cry.
Are we done? Will there be more little feet added to this house in the Suburbs? Probably not, and I'm OK with that.
But I have to tell you, if it had gone the other way today, if my Clear Blue Easy had shown me a + sign.......
I would have been jumping for joy.
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47 comments:
Wow, an emotional rollercoaster for sure. I wish you the best, whatever the future holds.
Wow. I know how you feel. It's a mixed bag of emotions. But, however it is supposed to be it will be!
I believe God has a plan for us all. I believe it all happens for a reason. Don't let you being 38 stop you cause 38 is the new 28. You're still a spring chicken!
Nothing is TMI on a blog! lol
I am so with you. I am a single mother of 3 kids, and I have been with my boyfriend have been together for about 8 months. I recently had a scare, and when I got the negative, I was surprisingly disappointed. But also massively relieved. So I definitely understand what you were feeling. Anyway, I love your blog, so I wanted to give you an award. Please come to my blog to collect it. :)
http://whatswrongwithmommy.blogspot.com/2009/10/another-award-oh-me-oh-my.html
I too fell that way sometimes, are we done ?? Well yes im done but not really by choice :( So good luck to you ! and i enjoy reading and following your blog !
I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. But I have a 2.5 yr old and a 9 month old. So I was relieved to not be! It certainly does make you evaluate things.
I felt the same way when I discovered I was pregnant a few months ago. I was excited and sooooo happy, but at the same time, I was apprehensive and nervous about it b/c my husband had just lost his job. I wasn't sure it was the right time for us. When I had a miscarriage a month later, I was more devastated than I thought I would be. I wanted that baby more than I knew.
Wow! What a day you've had! I'm sorry if you are; I'm happy if you are. It is what it is. You have a lovely family of 4. Enjoy that. If it turns to 5, enjoy that. God bless.
i was very touched by this post. i think i will be one of those women who never feel done... and there is part of me that is scared that this will be my last pregnancy...
Awww, it always gives me warm fuzzies to think of having another little one running around - and my son is only 16 months! LOL! I'm torn about having another one as well, since I had some mild PPD, but hey, like everyone else says, whatever happens, happens. And 38 is YOOOOOUUUUNNNNGGGG!!! 30 Somethings Unite! ;-)
Bummer, it would have been fun!
But it sounds like you have all that you need to make your life happy. ((HUGS))
We've more or less decided that 2 is good for us, although originally we'd wanted 3... but somehow I feel that I'm not quite done yet. That said, the thought of having to go through the sleepless nights, the potty training, the lugging a million things with us every time we go out doesn't make the thought of having another baby that enticing. But the baby smell, the cuddly bundle? *sigh!*
I've been there too. I'd love to try for a girl, but with three kids that includes two with special needs, it just wouldn't be fair to the kids we already have. We're spread thin enough already. But oh- to have a girl to dress in some pretty things...
Que sera sera, eh?
That was an exciting time. I know the feeling, the wondering. All the baby-thinking things. The scary things too.
Secretia
awww...this was tugging at my heart today. I feel the same way as you do/did.
I *sometimes* wish I had grown my brood to 5...but at 42 I think I will be pushing the limit and of course there is the "we are almost to college" phase right now.
Glad you are happy either way!
I know how you feel.. Me and DH only have 1 child she is 9 now. In one way I'm perfectly happy like that and if we never have more I will be fine. She is 9 starting over would be crazy! BUT like you said that longing is there, and I am the one that turns and smiles when I hear a baby cry! I completely understand this! ~Angela
I just wish you all the best no matter what the future holds!
Happy Tuesday!
* visiting from SITS
I've had that reaction every time I've taken one of those tests: didn't matter if I was in college and REALLY not ready for a baby, or if my husband and I had agreed it wasn't time, even if I was relieved, I always felt disappointment too when it was negative.
I can so identify with you on this. We have four kids and definitely consider ourselves "done". But, there's always that part of me that totally misses being pregnant and having another little one.
I'm one of those women, too. This current pregnancy of mine was utterly and completely unplanned and shocking. There is more to theh story that I divulge on my blog, but believe me, the timing is BAD! When I saw those two lines, I swore. I sat down. I swore some more. About two minutes later, I smiled. It's impossible for me to NOT be excited and overjoyed about adding another child to my life, no matter what the circumstances, and I know I'm up for the challenge.
Maybe you could just let nature take it's course and see what happens for you...?
What a great post!
Everything happens for a reason and in right timing.
I can completely relate to your experience. My kids are 3 and 6 and only now do we feel we are kind of coming up for air...but the thought of a third does cross my mind though not something we are planning.
Awww... can I just say that I totally relate to this post? I mean, I feel complete and happy with 2 little boys, boys who are growing up, and will soon be able to wipe their own bums... and things are getting easier... but at the same time, when I see anotehr baby... I just melt... and I am never sure if I am 'done' having children or not. I don't think I will ever really know for sure, you know? There are a lot of reasons to stop at 2... like all the reasons you mentioned in your post. It's tough, isn't it?
I couldn't agree more. We think we're done at 2, but if something 'happened' and a 3rd was on the way, we'd be thrilled.
And then I think about late night feedings, more years of diapers, etc. and am happy with 2!
Oh I hear you.
My last positive test had all those emotions, and then I miscarried. Then it's a weird roller coaster of emotions and questions. I too say we are good with two, who knows what could happen, I know in my heart there is a little one I am waiting to meet up in Heaven someday, and I am thankful everyday for the two I have here on earth!
Maybe it's a false negative???
Here's hoping!! :)
I totally know how you feel!
This story was pretty interesting. If you visitor does not come I would do another test...
Wow! this explains your previous post. Being late is such a roller coaster of emotions, up, down and all over the place.
When my cycle stopped just out of the blue, I was floored when I found out I was in menopause just two years after my daughter was born. I felt a lot of sadness knowing she would be growing up alone. I'm still trying to find some sort of peace with that but I'm so grateful to have her at all. Talk about down to the wire!
Can't believe you waited 2 weeks - the things we do to ourselves mentally. I am so with you on this post - I am CONSTANTLY thinking about another baby and I am pretty sure we are done. I wish I could just turn my brain off and let it rest. All the best...
i think EVERYTHING works out for some reason or another... ALWAYS!!
Wow...I remember those sticks. Sending positive thoughts.
Oh, I want it to be positive too!!!!
I totally understand how you feel.
Wow! I am not a mom yet and have up's and downs about thinking when we should start our family. You made me want to start now! (ok not right now ;)
I know exactly how you feel! We've had a few scares and while I've been relieved with teh results part of me has been disappointed. A child wouldn't be an all together bad thing. :)
My friend has a 14, 11, and 10 year old and is not preggo with her 4th. It is good/great/odd at the same time. But a new life to love!
Great post. I have a girl and a boy so naturally, people think we're set. Some days I think I want a third, others (like when everyone is screaming and i want to pull my hair out--my kids are 2 and the baby is 4 months) I think not. I'm 30 so I have some time...but who knows.
btw- new follower!
I am soooo with you. The heart and the head. Oh to have a baby, OMG the up heaval.
*sigh*
xxxxxx
I'm so done. I tied them up after Hannah five years ago and wonder everyday what it would be like if I hadn't decided to stop then. How come it's always so emotional peeing on a stick. When our kids grow up we start to feel like we want another baby but then I take a second and say nah...I'm lucky to have the ones I got:)
We start to adjust to the idea and then yeah, we're a little disappointed. But, I'm glad you're happy with your family as it is. :)
My third and last kid was born at age 42, and I still had that incomplete feeling that you mentioned. I thought I would be stuck feeling like I should have had one more kid.
I can happily say that the feeling eventually went away.
You're still young enough for another, but if it doesn't happen (planned or unplanned), I think that feeling will go away...definitely when you get closer to menopause. :)
WTH? You are 38? All this time I though bouncy little you was younger than me? Amazing the picture we create in our minds isn't it? I am so torn on the baby thing. Part of me really wants that pitter patter, part of me really really wants that nudge from inside again. But there are extremely few children from 3 kid families that say they liked it that way, especially the poor middle kid. Plus, I don't want to go broke every Christmas.
right, you can say over and over you're done, but if you have any inkling that there COULD be a baby in there...how do you not fall in love instantly...
for me anyway.
which is why, I'm taking all precautions to NOT let that happen, as lovely as it would be to have another baby to love, I am done. LOL
Ah I'm sorry. Sounds like you've been through a little rollercoaster.
I too feel that ache for little ones. I wish I could have one, but God has other ideas.
Sending hugs and well wishes.
"I think there are just some women in this world who never feel done.
Who will always feel that ache when they see a newborn babe, who instinctively turn and grin at the sound of a little ones cry."
I feel an ache all right, one to clobber them over the head so they will SHUT UP!
I never had the mom gene, can you tell? LOL
Worst nightmare in the world would be to get pregnant, I would have a mental breakdown on my way to get rid of it now now now. Luckily at almost 40 I have been sooo careful and it has never happened, so relieved.
Am glad there are GOOD MOMS in the world like you (and like mine, who had four kids!) cuz I am bad for the propagation of the species, LOL!
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