Spring has sprung and all the Mommies have come out of hibernation. They are putting on their suburban Mom outfits and venturing out of their cars for after school pickups. It’s time to say Hello to everyone, get caught up on those we have lost touch with over the cold dark winter. As I float from group to group of Mommies I have a revelation. I am smack in the middle of a jungle of cliques. The Mommies have divided!
Some of the way way post high school cliques I noticed this fine spring day:
Granola Bar Mommies
-health food eating, only organic, save the earth, never use a plastic bag, gave up my car and bike freakin everywhere!
-can only shop “Down Town”, are perfectly made up, never chip a nail and wear ONLY designer clothes
-teach their own aerobic classes, wear cute yoga pants and hoodies everywhere, have their own walking clubs and have a date set for their next marathon
The Super Gossips
The Too Familiar with Other Moms Husbands Mommies
-sadly this group is growing. Gross. If he is married, Keep. Your. Hands. Off.
The Slutty Mom Cliques
-wears short shorts, enjoys skin tight jeans and bar shirts every day, thinks she is still 19, may have just had some huge stripper boobs put in, a small group very closely related to the Too Familiar with Other Moms Husbands clique.
The Never Gets Out of Her Car Mommies
-seriously-who are you? Mysterious dark sunglasses, tinted windows, drops off, picks up, no one has ever seen you, you never volunteer for a thing? We don’t bite!
The Uber Volunteer Mommies
-have their hands in everything, the ultimate kiss a**, driving the teachers nuts, always at the school.
The I’m Better Then You Mommies
-nose turned up, opinionated but not helpful, pushy, often leads to play dates from hell, always has a job more important then you.
-as a bonus, clearly has a child smarter, prettier, more talented then yours.
The Live Only For My Kids Mommies
-live and die by the kids schedule, come and sit in the car and watch the kids at recess to make sure they are Okay, take them home for every lunch, never do anything for themselves!
(Okay so that is just one Mommy I know of, but thought she deserved a mention!)
The Executive Mommies
-the lawyers, doctors, V.P.’s, head researchers …the suits
The Give You the Shirt Off their Backs Mommies
-these women would give you anything you need, help you any way they can, stuck for a sitter? sick kid? need a car pool? an ear? lovable, squishy, big hearted Mommies
This list just begins to scratch the surface of the Mommy cliques. There are probably as many different cliques as there are people. I’d like to think I don’t fit into any of them. I’m happy to just keep floating around, enjoying the friendships from some of the best women I have ever met. There really are some very nice Mommies here is Suburbia.